Need advice on dealing with BIL and SIL...............please

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by babylady4, Dec 26, 2010.

  1. babylady4

    babylady4 Mother Goose

    Mar 30, 2009
    Central WI
    Hey all. You are such a wonderful group of folks, so I though I would toss this out here and see what you all think I should do.

    There is a lot of back history here that would take too long to write, lets just say that there have been issues with my SIL who is married to my DH's brother.... the last event was her screaming across the room at me after my DH's Grandma's funeral....

    A few years back we got a new dog for my DH at Christmas, a little terrier mix. Fast forward to the following Thanksgiving and my 5 yr old niece. We are all at my in-laws (and the families always bring their dogs), and this was the first big Holiday for our pup so he was skittish and nervous. We kept telling my niece to leave the dog alone. A few hours pass and my BIL and SIL leav to they can join some friends at a bar, leaving their kids at the in-laws with the rest of us. My in-laws head out to church leaving the kids with us and my other SIL and her DH. This whole time my niece is still harassing the dog (pulling his ears and chasing him around the house) and we are constantly telling here to leave him alone. Eventually we were not paying enough attention and sure enough, she was bitten. In the face. One single puncture mark on here cheek where a dimple would be.......

    We quickly grab her, check her injuries and take her to the ER. While on the way there, I asked her different questions about what she wanted for Christmas and so on...... anyway, her parents show up at the ER and just whisk right past all of us without a word. The bite was reported and so on but nothing much was done since there were seperate counties involved. After the whole incident they acted as if nothing had happened the entire time they were there. About a week later I get a phone call from my BIL asking me what exactly did I ask her on the way to the hospital and that it would be a very nice gesture on our part if we would send their daughter a card in the mail, telling her how it was not her fault she was bitten and that we were very sorry. I told him I would if I had the time (but of course never did). For the past 5 years now every time we have seen them their daughter reminds us of getting bitten by our dog..... who is a very nice dog btw..... yes I know he should not have bitten her in the first place but I chalk it up as nervous puppy and rotten kid tormenting the dog.

    Fast forward to last weekend. My kids were sledding at my in-laws and my BIL and SIL were there with their dog (some lab mix). My youngest DD(who is 11) took a run down the hill with the dog there. After she took her trip down the hill (no screaming) and was fully stopped, the dog pounced her and bit her arm. Hard. He bit her though a down coat and her sweater and left a huge bruise that almost wrapped around her whole arm (without ripping the fabric). Now the bite bugs me since from what I saw he was playing and not trying to hurt her, but he was WAY too rough. The big problem I have is how my BIL and SIL behaved. Not once did they ask my DD if she was ok, or say to me, my DH and my DD that they were sorry. The entire event was treated as if it never happened. The only thing they DID say to my DD was that the dog should not have been out by the hill and it was an accident. When they left, that is when they told my other SIL they were sorry about the event.

    REALLY????? You can't talk to my FACE!!!!! You can't talk to your own niece!!!!! [​IMG]

    So, right now I am thinking of sending an email to my BIL about the whole thing. I am not going to call them since I would say something I 'might' be sorry for later, and with an email I can edit myself.

    What do all of you think I should do?????

  2. Sir Birdaholic

    Sir Birdaholic Night Knight

    Divorce them.
    Move on with your life.....without them. [​IMG]
  3. ranchhand

    ranchhand Rest in Peace 1956-2011

    Aug 25, 2008
    I won't even try to tell you what to do, I've only seen one person's report.
    But please remember that whatever you do will eventually affect ALL of the family and their interactions, especially the children.

    I wish you the best of judgement, calmness, peace and serenity in dealing with this miserable thing, and fast healing to your daughter.
  4. babylady4

    babylady4 Mother Goose

    Mar 30, 2009
    Central WI
    Oh how I wish I could....... I think it would hurt my in-laws too much and I like them.
  5. annaraven

    annaraven Born this way

    Apr 15, 2010
    SillyCon Valley
  6. annaraven

    annaraven Born this way

    Apr 15, 2010
    SillyCon Valley
    It sounds to me like your whole family needs to figure out how to deal with kids and dogs and come up with some agreements. I think you should get together WITHOUT the kids and talk with your BIL and SIL about dogs and kids. Talk with them about their feelings and about yours. They may not realize you don't just take dog bites in stride! They may have misunderstood your reaction to the dog bite of their daughter. So yeah - if you're going to continue to deal with them and kids and dogs, you need to spend some time talking together. Face to face. Not via email. And no, you don't get to be outraged at them about it - you need to talk calmly about where to go from here.

    Anyways - good luck on it! Sounds like a hard situation to deal with!
  7. herfrds

    herfrds Songster

    Jan 11, 2010
    I would ignore them from here on out.

    It is really stupid on their part to make demands from you and then act like nothing happened.


  8. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    I would do nothing.. I guess.
    Its not worth the future drama from it.
    BUT.. I WOULD make sure that the next time my kid was going to be around those people..that their dog will NOT be there.
    Something i'd speak to the in-laws about.

    Also..did the dog break skin at all? I'd at LEAST ask them for a rabies vaccine certificate.. to be safe. Maybe it will help them understand how un-caring they are being?...
  9. BWKatz

    BWKatz Songster

    May 22, 2010
    I agree with Redhen re suggestion for inlaws to ask for kids only, pets to be left at home perhaps due to incresing size of family. I would drop the matter. Not worth the continued hurt feelings on both sides. If it weren't the dogs it would be something always is. That's just families. May God send you peace of heart in the new year.
  10. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    annaraven and redhen have good suggestions. The one additional thing I can say is that your DH should speak to his brother, if he feels it appropriate, not you.

    And you SHOULD have sent your neice a card all that time ago. You should also have been more responsible about keeping your dog and her separated. Kids are kids, and you can't just say "leave the puppy alone" and expect a fairly young child to ignore the dog from then on. You needed to have kept them physically separated by whatever means it took. It is not the puppy's fault that it acted like an untrained, nervous young puppy in unfamiliar surroundings, and it is not your neice's fault that she behaved like the young child she was. It was your fault that you did not adequately supervise the two of them.

    As for your daughter, how did she act when the event occurred? Did she scream or cry? Show pain? Were the BIL and SIL actually present when the bite occurred? Do they realize there is a large bruise? I am guessing that you were upset enough that they did not want to talk to you and possibly start an argument.

    All the dogs need to stay at home, not visit at the inlaws. Or maybe y'all ALL need to enroll all the dogs in obedience training.
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2010

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