Need advice on dealing with BIL and SIL...............please

[Mattemma]

I have dogs and feel that they should be locked up when there is parties or kids visiting. I see no reason why a dog was taken sledding,but for some the dog goes everywhere. I tell my kids to never pet stranger dogs,but ofcourse they are encouraged to do so anyway by owners.Creates a false sense of safety.Sorry,but even the sweetest dog can bite.

I would ask the dog be locked away when visiting,and not taken to family events.Would do the same for the little dog you own.The child should never have been allowed to bother the dog.

 

[dutchhollow]

Agree with most here, dogs should not be at parties, they don't understand the fuss and noise. When your dog was bothered and skittish, he should have been crated or moved to the car or truck.
You can only be responsible for your actions, you apologized, they did not, nothing you can do about their manners, and making a big deal about it isn't going to get you anywhere. Just an email about everyone leaving dogs at home for family functions should do it.

 

[babylady4]

There was no way I was going to send them a card. When this happened this kid had been told for 3 hours to leave the dog alone he might bite. We had 6 kids running around all under the age of 10 and only 2 of the 4 adults really watching them. You cannot be everywhere at once. I did apologize and offer to pay for the whole ER visit and said I was sorry at the time. I did not and still do not think she needed a card. This kid was raised around a rotty and was taught to tug on the dogs ears by her parents ( I did not know this at the time). I expect a 5 year old who has been raised around dogs to listen when somebody says to them leave the dog alone. I was more than happy to have her quietly sit and let the dog approach her but it never happened. This is all water under the bridge as far as I am concerned since there have been multiple times of 'things' similar to this that have happened.

DH will not bother talking with his brother, he said it would be like talking to a brick wall. You cannot change the mind of someone who demands they are right.

The dog bite on my DD caused an abraision due to her sweater. The teeth did not puncture the coat so there is no need to ask for rabies certification. When my DD was bitten she kicked the dog in the head and ran off about 20 feet. At that time I had no idea she had been bitten that hard until when I asked her if she was ok she said I don't know. Took off her coat and checked the arm and saw the bruise. Went back to the house and put ice on it right away with BIL and SIL asking us why we had finished sledding so soon. So they knew about it.

These two argue about football plays during Holiday events, right down to swearing at each other on who is right. I did not call them on it so we could have a somewhat peaceful Holiday. I DO wish my in-laws would step up and have it out with them but I doubt it will happen. After the screaming at me at the funeral I said enough but somehow I am back seeing these people.....

It has been great to vent here though!!!

 

[zippitydooda]

Quote:
I LOVE dogs....

Having said that, I LOVE chickens.... but I don't take my chickens to the family gatherings, nor do I take any other animals. My brother & SIL drag their labradoodle everywhere like he's another child. I find it somewhat of an imposition when their dog sticks his nose in private places, tries to eat off of plates, tramples the grandkids... generally acting like a DOG.

You can't blame your puppy for defending himself, and you did the right thing by taking your niece to the ER. Your child should have been extended the same courtesy (at THEIR expense), even though it didn't break the skin.

Personally, I think animals are amazing companions, great friends and wonderful entertainment. BUT, I also believe they should stay at home, and when company is around, be put in a place that keeps the animals and the guests safe.

JMO.

 

[Spookwriter]

When people bring their dog to my home....I figure it's to guard their car.

Because I do not want your dog in my house. Let me rephrase that...Your
dog isn't coming into my house. And if you tie your dog up in my yard outside,
that annoys my dog. So....It works better if your dog doesn't visit.

And yes...I have totally annoyed some of my family with that policy. But their
dog still isn't in my home. Being fair....when we visit someone, we don't take
our dogs, cats, chickens or any other animal.

See how that works? If your doggie isn't here, it can't bite anyone in my house.
And better yet, if my doggie isn't at your home, he can't bite anyone there.

 

[WingingIt]

Didn't read all the replies, but it's time for a new rule:

No dogs (or other pets) attending family gatherings.

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but honestly, I'd let it go about the bite. Yes, your DD did nothing wrong and was hurt, but their DD was hurt also, years ago. They asked you for a card and you said you'd try to send one but never did, so they probably took that as a slight. Before you say it, I KNOW their DD was tormenting your dog, but she was raised by them to have no boundaries and rules (which wasn't her fault) she was five, so impulse control isn't set and you were aware there could be a problem and sure enough, there was. Everyone got their feelings hurt and two sweeties got hurt....it's time to end it. No more pets coming to gatherings. If they don't like that, they can just stay home and that will make things go even more smoothly.

 

[noodleroo]

Quote:
This is probably a good idea. It definately solves the dog bite issues at family gatherings. However, it doesn't solve the issues between you and your inlaws. Some people hold on to things like this for YEARS just waiting for the shoe to be on the other foot so they can gloat. I know that you don't want to be like that, what a complete waste of time. But if they choose to act badly, you can't stop them. You can only control yourself so you take the high road and let them slosh through the swamp...

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
2x

Had hubby's mother bringing dogs to the family gatherings including my SIL. Hubby was president of the reunion and he informed the people that next year, no dogs would be allowed to come to the event unleashed or make other people uncomfortable by the dogs begging, barking unneedlessly, hair aflying with their excitable nature or people mindlessly petting them...and then hairs would land in the food table or our plates. AND hubby's mom likes to "baby" her Pug in a carriage, trying to attract attention from others by "parading" the carriage around. Her dog and my SIL dogs are nervous and they would bite, as I can see the expression on their faces and nervousness air about them. SIL was OK about leaving the dog at home, while hubby's mom threw a hissy fit. The only rule is this, if you decided to bring your dog, leave him in the car OR bring the crate in, and put your dog inside the crate the whole time we are there, only let out to potty or drink or whatever but not to "parade" or harass anyone with your dog. Got no complaints about that in the last few years so it was successful.

I must agree that if you know your dog is nervous, crate or isolate the dog away from the kids where they are playing. If the kids disgarted the warning NOT to go into the room where the dog is, well, they deserved it however do show some compassion and be understandable that you had informed the kids and they did it anyway. And they should not be putting fingers in the crate either to try to pet the dog. If they continue, put the crate in the other room like a bedroom or a room that the kids less incline to get into.

I would let it go and don't take the dogs to future family functions unless you are having a 'dog" family functions to a pet park.

 

[Raiquee]

BL4, sorry to hear you having SIL and BIL troubles! I would send your BIL an e-mail about it. Just point out that yes you didn't send a card or whatnot, but point out that you DID take her to the ER, that you were worried for her, you were very sorry etc and then point out what they DIDN'T do. Had it been my dog, and my neice, I would have ran down that hill so fast and smucked that dog acrossed the nose! Play or not, no biting! I would never brush it off as "looks ok, should be ok"

Maybe they don't realize they didn't say something? Sometimes, I find I do this with my SIL. For instance, when she comes over I am suppossed to ask her if she wants wine or something and get it for her, but when I go over I am just told to go to the fridge? So, in this instance she probably took it as me being a bad hostess when family just gets things out of my cupboards, thats just the way it is. Or who knows, maybe they are holding a secret grudge and are thinking this is payback? (which would be terrible!)

I think I agree with everyone around, maybe also in the email it would be a nice closing to say, "To end future issues, dogs will not be welcome at family gatherings" I know it sucks, espessially when you view your pup as "part of the family" but maybe it's for the best?

My DS got nipped in the face by my SIL dog. Wasn't reported, as it was just a pinch. That dog got another thing coming to it tho. DS was just looking over the arm of the sofa, and the dog didn't like being stared at or something and jumped up at snapped at his face. When I told SIL she said "Dogs only bite when forced into a corner!" She is a very big dog person. I just rolled my eyes and sighed. No use cracking through that shell. If my son was jumping on that dog/pulling it's ears/messing with it beyond belief, I would have said "See, shouldn't mess with the dog!" lol.

 

[drdoolittle]

Well, first of all, if that had been my pup at the family Thanksgiving, and a child would not listen about leaving it alone, after the third time telling her, I would have kept the dog on my lap or in my arms or would have taken it home. I can understand the in-laws being upset about the bite----it was their CHILD that got bitten, and in the face. Don't want to upset you, but you were the adult present when this happened, and you probably should have separated the two before it got to this point. As far as the second bite incident, again, you have every right to be upset. It is your CHILD that got bit. I think the in-laws didn't act concerned, because they are still harboring bad feelings about their daughter gting bit by your dog, and they may feel that this evens things up------that doesn't make their lack of concern right.

I think that everyone else is making the right call on this-----no more dogs at family gatherings. But, I do think you should just let this latest incident go. "Divorcing" your in-laws would not be a good solution, as the children would be the ones to suffer. I should know, as my father and maternal grandparents had a falling-out when I was very small, and my father would have nothing to do with my mother's family for 20 years or so. I always had a melancholy feeling at holidays as my classmates talked of going to their grandparents for Thanksgiving, or spending vacations with their cousins. I had no living grandparents on my father's side, and no cousins-----I missed out on a lot. Please don't do that to your children.

My husband's family do bring their dogs to some family get-togethers, and I did have my chihuahua at my MIL's for Christmas Eve. However, each person is respnsible for their own dog's behavior, and I always either have my chihuahua on my lap, in my arms, or my hubby or one of my sons has him. We do let him get down----with proper supervision.