Need an ear, and maybe some relationship advice.

[Animalian]

Quote:
I guess I would break up with him before going on a date with anyone else. I had an old boyfriend see other people while we were going out, it really hurt when I found out he did that without being honest with me.

I like that idea. He definately won't notice. But I wouldn't date behind his back I think that a little mean. Plus a lot of his old friends are good friends of mine now too, and I'd hate them be torn between 'loyalties' to either of us, it will be weird for them anyway but.. well you know...
I'm trying being 'mentally single' today.... took my ring off... feels weird, I never realised how much I played with it. It does help that I haven't heard from him yet. But I keep checking my phone by habit, I'm thinking that other poster made sense saying he was like a cigarette

I am amazed at the response I've gotten, I've copied points you've all made that really hit me hard and posted them in dot point on a word document. It's called "My courage" and I've been looking at it often... I still feel weird about it though... but. I don't know. We are going away next weekend, he'll be bound to give me some reason to crack it at him. Normally I just get annoyed, go quiet then talk to him about it later. I'm not a fighter.
Maybe I should just let it all out at him and go from there..... drive home would be awkward though...

 

[frostbite]

Ooops, My bad, saw the wrong location reference! Thanks for pointing that out.

But there are Celebrate Recovery groups in Australia too, the group finder will still work....

Small world, isn't it?

And it's not essentially a counseling group. In fact, it is NOT intended to take the place of counseling, for those who need counseling.

Animalian, I hope you didn't get the idea that I thought you needed counseling, that's not it at all.

And now a disclaimer for those of you out there who ARE counselors, I think y'all are wonderful, and there's no shame in seeking you out.

Good luck to you all, and best wishes.

 

[Animalian]

Quote:
He does know how I like my tea. He does bring me breakfast sometimes. Like bowl of cereal breakfast. Give it to me then eats his own at his computer....
Other days he will just get his own, back to the computer while I'm still in bed. If I say anything he'll say he thought I was still asleep.... which is a load of ...
He'll also run off to make his dinner when I'm staying over. Nothing for me, if I say anything he'll say 'I don't knwo what you want."
I'm vegetarian and like to eat healthily, his family lives of processed meat and frozen meals, so he has a point, but there's nothing stopping him offering or asking what I'd like. Or even saying he was going to make his dinner, then we could both go out and at least eat at the same time.

 

[Animalian]

Today I got a "got plans for dinner?" message.
I didn't answer because... well you guys know. Plus he would just come over and eat or get me to suggest somewhere. I didn't see the message for three hours because I was trying not to look at my phone at work.

Now I've been home for an hour and a half and he's just turned up. Knocked on the door, I was upstairs. I waited for another knock.... nothing. I think he's just sitting out there.... I'm waiting just to centre myself a bit before letting him in.

I'm planning on going with the 'do what I want and if he wants to come for the ride, let him" out in my running gear and taking the dog out, offer for him to come with or go home.

 

[frostbite]

If I were home alone, I wouldn't answer the door. I'd get a good book and read myself to sleep.

 

[Animalian]

Quote:
It's obvious I'm home when my car is, he can see the dogs inside through the door and the chickens are out.
Damn chickens running up to him and giving me away!

I asked what he was doing here. He said its his day off. I said that doesn't mean much. He got slightly stroppy and said I've whinged about it before and 'he learns'.
He also said he went for a 1 1/2 walk today, so was tired. I asked what's inspired all the activities lately, he said quote "I'm sick of being fat, lazy slob".. we'll see how long that lasts.
Plus he went at 11am, by 7pm you think he'd have recovered by then... I'm still excericising (gotta get fit and muscly for california!), he's sitting there like he's run a marathon or something.

So we took the dogs to the oval and I ran laps instead. He just wandered staring at this phone the whole time. Dogs loved it, I had fun, despite seeing him being mopey.

Oh look! now the tv's on, hence why I'd thought I'd post again. And he's started cooking HIS dinner...

 

[frostbite]

That's the thing about on line advice from total strangers. You know your life a lot better than I do, and you have to do what's right for you.

It's never easy, is it?

 

[Animalian]

Quote:
It's also nice to get an outside opinion from people given facts. With no prior opinion of him/me/us

 

[bakerjw]

I still stand by my earlier advice that you'd be better off cooling things down for a while and see what else is out there. It's a hard thing to do but much better to wake up next to someone who you love beyond measure than someone that you had misgivings about in the first place.

You two have been together for quite a while and you have to take into account that communication breaks down in all long term relationships. Looking back, how many times has he offered you dinner and how many times have you said no? I don't expect an answer for that but it was something that you pointed out. My DW and I have been married for 29 years and we've had our fair amount of that type of situation. I'd ask if she wanted something that I was making or to go somewhere I was going and after being told "No, you know I don't like that." several times I'd stop asking. Eventually I'd get beaten up for not having asked which would lead to a discussion of sorts. So I'd avoid doing whatever it was that she didn't like and end up feeling a bit bitter about the whole situation. The point is that simple breakdowns in communication, even insignificant things, can grow to cause greater problems down the road. This will happen with Mr. Wrong as well as with Mr. Right.

I know that you're a bit put off with him right now but perhaps he did go out and run early in the day to make a change in himself and to make an effort to reach out to an activity that you enjoy. It feels good to shun someone who has slighted us, we've all had that satisfaction and I'm not saying that you did, but I just get the feeling that he might have felt excluded and then pulled back into his old habits.

Tell him that the next time that he wants to go run that you want to go along. Nothing strengthens the bonds of a relationship like encouragement. I used to play a lot of computer games and such but since I started bicycling several years ago I'll take a 100km bike ride any day of the week. Exercise might just work with him,

Just more random ramblings.

 

[Kickin.Cowgirl]

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