Need an ear, and maybe some relationship advice.

[seminolewind]

Quote:
Hi. I'm sure you're in love with him. But there's no law that says you must get married.

I really do believe he has BiPolar Disorder. He's got some great moods, then he sinks into depression. He may not understand what's going on. Took me 35 years to figure it out. The older I got the worse I got. I was never manic. Just normal/happy/content at the high end and real depressed at the low end. In other words sortof couch-bound.

Take a few steps back. Tell him why in a normal tone. Keep your own residence!!!!! Take the spare key. Be independant. If you continue on this way you may need some help to learn to respect yourself. YOU are the most important thing in this world.

I always tell myself one thing I learned from my sister. YOU are entitled to expect the same treatment as you give. No less. If you accept poorer treatment than you give, you are on the road to a life of pain.

 

[spacecowgirl]

Semilolewind, I'm glad you brought this up...when I read Animalian's original post, I initially thought , it really sounds like mild Asperger's syndrome...I was kind of afraid to try to diagnose him online, initially, but since you brought it up....

The inability to relate to other people's emotions and complete disinterest in anything outside of his little world; he seems to exhibit many of the warning signs...

 

[seminolewind]

Quote:
Asperger's. Interesting. I guess if he was steadily not able to relate with other's emotions or have interest outside his little world, I can see why you would say it. And it would sound like depression as well.

I thought that the OP said that he does this on and off.

Spacecowgirl, don't feel like you are diagnosing. We all like to throw ideas out there.

None of us have admitted to being doctors or psychiatrists!

 

[Animalian]

Any ideas are good lol

I don't think he has Asperger's syndrome. I have a cousin with it and he isn't like that.

Depression would make more sense as his dad and sister have it. But I'm not sure I can live with that, especially if he ever got as bad as his dad....

 

[Nicola]

It sounds to me as if you are slowly making up your mind here with everyone's idea's and opinions, You should do what is best for you and your mental health and emotional health in the long run, even if it hurts to do it

 

[NC ChickenKate]

"I don't want to have wasted all this time"...YOWIE!
By living as long as you have and experiencing and learning from your successes and mistakes, you have not "wasted" any time. You have simply grown as a human being...and participated in your life.
He, however, sounds as if he does not wish to have a life resembling yours. If your paths, personalities, outlook and joys are so different, what do you have in common? History? I have almost no contact with people I went to school with because my life has taken me down very different roads than theirs. That does not mean that time spent with them in school was a waste.
You can decide to stay with the devil you know (him) or you can choose the devil you don't know (everything else out there in the big, wide world).
What does not kill you makes you stronger! Allow him to live the life he obviously wishes to live in front of his computer. Make it your parting present to him and move forward. Your spirt and attitude can take you anywhere. Dream big, live large, die without regret!

 

[Animalian]

Quote:
Very true. I think it's just I get over the things he does so quickly, but then he does it or something similar again quickly. So I get annoyed again, and while annoyed remember how many times he's done it, but then get over it again. I get over it but know it will happen again, but I don't want it to.

I think it's because I got so badly bullied at school that I've trained myself to keep forgiving and trying to see the best in people....

 

[NC ChickenKate]

Oh my dear...I too was belittled in school...plus my mum taught me that boys are delicate beings whose feelings are crushed easily so we must be doubly kind and understanding of their moods, wants and feelings. I NEVER ONCE heard that my feelings mattered or counted for anything.
I chose to marry a dangerous man who constantly pushed the envelope of decent behavior (drugs, alcohol, adultery, etc.) I figured "no one is perfect" and kept at it for 24 years. Leaving that relationship was the most gut wrenching experience of my life and I beat myself up for "wasting" all those years...for the first year or so...but not anymore!
Now I know my feelings are as legitimate as anyone else's and will NOT be trampled. The lines I've drawn for myself of what I will and will not accept from others are solid. I'm also more forgiving of people's pecadillos...animals are always so honest and true to their natures...humans can be so secretly twisted.
My age forces me to want to save you from making the same mistakes I did. Age also tells me you will walk the path you choose for your own reasons. You have folks from all around the world sending you strength, energy and good thoughts. Believe in your heart you are not alone.

PS Did I read that you cut? Did a tiny bit of cutting in So. Calif many years ago...what fun!

 

[chickened]

At 23 years old you should not be his therapist. If he has some form of syndrome or some other ailment it is still a personal choice for him to act the way he does and you would do yourself well to seperate from him and let him sort things out without you and not enable him to continue to live the way he chooses.

Distance from him helps you get over him. There are a lot of nice young men out there you just have to look. Make men come to you.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Animalian, this does not sound like straight out clinical depression to me. If it involves a form of depression, I would suspect to find it comorbid with something else. Were it clinical depression, people actually tend to be hyper-sensitive and aware of the feelings of others, which is what I have seen in entire families and also relative's suffering from straight out clinical depression. They will often isolate themselves (often feel like a burden to or unable to cope with facing others), but it sounds more like you have someone who only wants to deal with you on their terms, regardless of your feelings (not because of any hyper-sensitivity to them). A *good* therapist/psychiatrist/doctor can help diagnose any issues he has and offer treatments and therapies. That said, he ultimately has to be the one to make that step. And some people never do. It might not hurt to see a therapist yourself as you said:

I think it's because I got so badly bullied at school that I've trained myself to keep forgiving and trying to see the best in people....

An outlook like that can lead to very unhappy circumstances (especially if you also always assign blame to yourself). Either through life experience, or talking it through with someone, a more balanced outlook can be achieved that protects your boundaries.