Need an ear, and maybe some relationship advice.

[frostbite]

Definition:

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

An adage from a Sociologist:

"Any two people living together deserve each other."

I know you're not living with him, but the adage also applies to couples. Sound harsh? If you don't think you deserve this kind of treatment, break up with him. If you don't break up with him, then by default, you apparently deserve him because it is what you continue to seek out.

If you think that by the power and charm of your personality you can change him, you are horribly wrong.
If you think it's your fault he's not nicer to you, you are horribly wrong.
It's only your fault that you are still allowing him to hang out with you so that he has the opportunity to treat you that way, instead of leaving him so that you'll be available if a NICE guy comes along. If you stay with him because you're afraid of being lonely, you won't be available for that nice guy, and you'll be lonely anyway.

You get to choose. I can't imagine you're enjoying complaining about his every inattention.

I wish you the best.

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
BINGO!

 

[mom'sfolly]

If you stay with this guy, and plan to marry him, your entire life will be like this vacation.

He will be gone when you need or want him.

He will be "kindly" abusive. Asking why you have to talk so much is emotional abuse.

He will be rude to your family.

His computer and toys will always be more important than you, and he will let you know.

A two hour drive ruins his mood, what will a day of puking illness, a wife in labor, or any other simple setback do to him.

Drop his tush, and get on with your life.

You know this is what you need to do, you just have to get up your courage and do it.

 

[Toast n Jelly]

Quote:
BINGO!

2nd BINGO! I wouldn't worry about the HURT, I would look on it as an opportunity for freedom and adventure! Anyone that you meet after this guy, will be a treat. You need to leave this relationship and never look back (I speak from my own experiences.) Get a hobby, any hobby, it will be a step up from your present situation

 

[chickened]

We are waiting for you to come on here and say "I dumped him" don't let us down now.

 

[DelcoChix]

Be like Nike and "Just Do It"

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:

Really, it's her decision whether or not she wants to stay with him or go on to new adventures!

 

[zzGypsy]

so... can I just make an observation here?

you go round and round is right.
now you're asking us to go round and round with you.

sure, we can do that, but really you know all you need to know. you know how he's been. you see no effort in him to change. so you know how he's going to be in the future.

so I go back to a question I asked a month ago... when you're looking back on 60 years of living with him Just Like He Is Now, are you going to be happy with that decision?

when you are pregnant, or have kids with him, how happy are you going to be with this behavior then? how happy are you going to be with the way he treats your children?

so what it comes down to is this:

either stop complaining and accept him As He Is, or be done already.

because he is what he is.

I'm not being harsh here, but I am asking you to do something besides dither. you came for advice... that's my advice... stop complaining, or quit him.

....................

the quote above about a couple deserving each other is right, most folks who stay together are evenly matched.

he won't change.
but then, neither will you.
he prefers his games to you.
you prefer complaining about him to having a more rewarding life.
neither of you are covering any new ground, just the same old thing over and over.

--------------

one of my favorite sayings is this...
The Truth will set you free. but not before it totally ticks you off.

------------
I know these things are hard... it took me 10 years to get out of a relationship I should have let go of after two. you don't need to be as thick headed about it as I was, trust me, the extra 8 years didn't make it any easier, and they wasted a lot of my time. and his too.

----------

so, are you done yet?

if not, go on around again, but don't make all your friends go with you.
if you are done, it's time to let go.

 

[chickened]

I know , ultimately it is her decision I just cannot stand to see someone waste there time with what appears to be a dead end relationship. It is crystal clear to all us what needs to be done. I have found that dating someone else helps you forget about the feelings that keep you coming back. The sad part is the time one wastes in life on a loser, when the eyes are finally opened and you realize it was right there plain as day that you were wrong. Your youth should be spent with a spouse that enjoys doing things with you. When you get older is when you want to be alone sometimes.

Quote:

Really, it's her decision whether or not she wants to stay with him or go on to new adventures!

 

[m.kitchengirl]

if not, go on around again, but don't make all your friends go with you.

Well said.
Not that I mind listening, but when my marriage was at its lowest point I lost EVERY friend I had. NOBODY wanted to be around me. And, looking back, I don't blame them. I didn't even want to be around me.
We were making one another miserable and I was making everyone who cared about us miserable, too. I just would NOT stop going on & on about how WRONG he was.
I was wrong too. I expected things of him he was unable to do EVER. It just was not who he was. And, try as he might, he could not be someone else. I should have left sooner. Not just for me, but him too. Someone thinks he is AWESOME, and he deserves that. (And HER, yikes!)

Now, again, I don't mind if you need to run through the laundry list for a while longer to assure yourself you have good reasons for leaving or staying. I can just NOT read the thread. Your friends can vote the same way.
Like my Dad said, "decide what you can live with and what you can't, til then..." Well, we know the rest.

My friends - the ones that were important enough for me to try to befriend again - are all my friends again, and have come to see that I had some basis for my feelings. They also see that I take ownership of my actions & attitudes and make every effort not to make those mistakes again.

Its hard, but here's hoping someday soon you look back on this as a learning time. No relationship is wasted if you learned more about yourself.