need help getting child support from deadbeat mom

[KBChicks]

Well....you've certainly received a lot of advice...and I'm sure more will come.

The fact is, every state has different laws and every situation is different.

I've been in your position, I called the courthouse and asked what the procedure was to move forward on my own without a lawyer.

Best of luck to you....I hope it all works out to the childs favor.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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This was not paying back past due support; it was paying current support. And no, she was not in her 30s, but well into her 20s. And as I said, we were also paying all her expenses as she was in college. You would think it would be turned off automatically when they reached 18 or 21 (unless back child support is due), but no; that doesn't (or at least didn't back then) happen.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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Unlikely to happen without the mother's consent. But waiving past due child support might be a bargaining chip with her.

 

[Break an Egg]

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My thoughts exactly. I have 5 kids (4 stepkids) and we have yet to see one red cent from their mother. I would rather have it this way than to have to deal with their P.O.S mom.

 

[noodleroo]

Whatever the court order says about visitation stands on its own (again, in my state) and paying or not paying child support has no bearing on the visitation. As a matter of fact, the CP can't refuse visitation just because the NCP has not paid the child support. Most orders require that support be paid until the child's 18th birthday or when they graduate high school. The judge can sign a withholding order that orders the NCP's employer to garnish their pay and send it in for child support, even if the payments have been made timely. That might be another option for the OP if the law allows in her state...

 

[phaethona]

whoa, some things I should clear up.

First, I NEVER badmouth her mother. She's 12 now and mature enough to know that her mother doesn't take financial responsibility, but not in a matter where "that lazy bum mom of yours ________" or anything of the sort. She's also mature enough to understand that it has nothing to do with her, and we've stressed that to her. I'm very well aware that any negativity projected by me about her mom will only come back to me in the form of resentment, so I respect whatever relationship the two of them have, however meager it may be.

and second, I am not asking if I should report her, I'm trying to get some insight as to where to get started, what agencies might be available to help me, etc. It really would be easier to just leave it be, but I'm not going to let her skate along thinking she can keep dropping kids into the world(3 so far) and wandering off. It's wrong. A parent's #1 priority should be providing for their child, it even says so in the California Family Code where she lives. Once in a great while she'll send cards or (cheap)jewelry or trinkets, but when it comes to her food, clothing, education(which is costing more the older she gets), things that she needs, she takes zero responsibility. She has the money, she just has her priorities completely backwards. It's not that hard to come up with $122 a month, most of us spend that on one utility bill(including her with a cell phone and internet).
It's not a pot I really want to stir, but if we can get some of that money, it would really help us.

 

[twentynine]

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Ding Ding Ding!!!!!!!!

Winner!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[joebryant]

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Unlikely to happen without the mother's consent. But waiving past due child support might be a bargaining chip with her.

It seems that I read someplace that if a parent refuses to pay child support, they can be notified by publishing in the local newspaper and the real parents home town of someone else's intent to adopt the child. If after a certain time they have not stepped forward to oppose the adoption, the adoption can move forward. There are various sources/groups that can provide you with free legal advice/help.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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I'm sure that varies from state to state.

 

[phaethona]

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She's been allowed visitation from day 1. and no, she isn't an example of a model parent, she treats her kids like they're her friends rather than impressionable children. Since she's moved to CA, she's flown out here twice(she has money for plane tickets but not child support), stayed with her sister for a few days and left. both times we let our daughter go stay with them, but only because we knew where she was staying and trust her sister.
And the way that our court order is done up, the support doesn't have anything to do with visitation. she has to pay whether she sees the kid or not. we have a separate scehdule to work out birthdays and holidays, but since she hasn't honored one single aspect of visitation, we're in a position to decide if and when they can see each other, and our decision is never about money, it's based on whether or not we think it's safe(where she's going, how long, etc).
Plus since she lives 1700 miles away, we don't have to deal with visitation that much.