need ideas and maybe hugs. Another trip To Mass.

[HeatherLynn]

Well we went to visit my husbands grammy a month ago. She had a diagnosis of cancer and we wanted to get a visit in while we had the time and before things got busier for her. She is 94. Well 3 days after we left she ended up in the hospital and has been in and out since and ended up in a rehab facility a couple times. She has not been back home and they do not expect her to ever go home now. She is taken a very serious downward turn and the doctor requested a meeting with the family to lay on the table what we can expect. We can expect at most a couple weeks in his opinion. If we limit medical intervention then less than that.

Here is where the problem comes in. My husband wants to be up there to deal with this with the rest of the family. He also says he needs us there with him. I have the money for a short trip and no more than 3 nights in a hotel( family of 6 there are no cheap hotels for us). There is a good chance it will be longer. His sister got very upset and insisted we stay with her last time which is how we afforded staying almost 2 weeks. I am determined not to stay with her this time. She is taking on so much. She is a nurse and is willing to take on nursing her at home so she can die at home. I am all for being up there and giving her support, free babysitting, cooking and cleaning. I am not all for putting the additional pressure that us being there would bring. We could stay with his dad but his dad is torn apart with grief right now. Chris being with him would be great. Me and the kids might be too much stress. I am pulling out the tent tomorrow morning.

I am trying to find ways to stretch the budget so we can do what my husband feels we need to and stay for the amount of time he feels we need to. Not sure how long term camping with 4 kids is going to be. Have not camped with the baby yet. Will be interesting. Amazingly having a hard time finding places to camp too. Everyone wants way advance notice. Sorta hard to plan someone dying so you can get on a calendar. I am tired, sad, upset, worried, and frustrated. Just not sure how I will pull off everything my husband needs from us right now. I guess tomorrow I will call the places near his family and see if they will make exceptions. I can always cry if they say no. So torn apart and stressed right now. Its hard thinking of being without her and having to deal with all this on top of that.

 

[sune42]

So sorry you are having to go through this. I don't have any good suggestions, but I hope it works out for you.

 

[redhen]

SO sorry. What a hard thing to go through..

Where in Mass are you going?

 

[HeatherLynn]

She is in a hospital in Norwood. His mother is in mansfield. His sister in taunton. The nursing home and his dad if they transfer her back is in easton. Going to check into normandy farms I think and another place in randolf. Last my husband checked the one in randolf( hard to pronounce state park) was booked but we shall see. We are waiting to see what the test they do tomorrow says. She is having difficulty swallowing. If she does not pass this test then its sorta the end of the road. She did not want to be hooked to machines or anything and the doctor said she could not survive having tubes put in at this point. She is also suffering from congestive heart failure. So if the news is the worst then tomorrow evening we will be on the road so we can be there tuesday morning. Our current plan involved a tent, a cook stove, and making plans when we get there. Not the ideal way to travel with kids but I will make it work. If its the worst case scenario his sister will need a ton of child care so I am attempting to be close to everyone. Just too upset right now to think straight. If I did I am sure some miracle solution would pop in my head. They usually do. Just too tired to think. We spent a good portion of the day crying. Just not up to thinking clearly right now.

 

[SourRoses]

Hmm.. the camping.. we did that once.. for about 4 months.
So you've called the local campgrounds, all, and they all want notice?
Are you sure you've gotten them all, because a campground is really the best camping option.. running water and handy electric.. and dishwashing and showers and proper bathroom facilities. And no one to give you strange looks. If thats still a no-go.. then what about your families backyards? If they dont mind.. you could run a heavy duty power cord outside for some electric.. and bathroom and normal facilities would be available to you that way. I suppose the one way that would be benificial over simply staying with them is that you would have your own space to get away and out from under-foot, and no worries about sleeping accomodations.
If its hot.. you might want to get a couple fans.
Make sure you have a big cooler (or 2)... we bought a lot of sandwich fixings and things like that, of course you'll want milk and maybe some cold drinks for the kids. So you have to get ice every few days... and try to seal things up well so they dont get wet... we ruined sandwich meat more than once by thinking it would be just fine in a plastic ziplock.
A campfire grate is very handy... our favorite meal at the time was shish-kabobs... everything cut into cubes and stuck onto *metal* skewers.. chicken or steak.. with onions, cherry tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms... ect.. and anything the kids dont like can be substituted easily enough.
Its handy to have a smal propane stove... they are pretty in-expensive if I recall... much easier to cook up different meals.
We also got.. pretty cheaply I think... a gas lantern thing... it stands up pretty high on a big propane bottle, and they burn very brightly.. great for nighttime, they light up a large area. Those dinky little battery lights dont put out enough light to be very useful at all.. and they eat up more batteries than I could believe.. so they end up more expensive.
Paper plates, cup, and silverware will save a lot of dishwashing hassle if you can afford it.
If you can get air mattresses... get them. For all the hassle.. they are way worth it. They also make those double high ones in queen or king size.. which would be great for mom and dad.... and kids can just have the little ones. Make sure you have at least one air pump with plenty of batteries.
When you have power.. and figure out an internet signal... its really nice to have your computer and play on the internet for a distraction. If you have older kids, lots and lots of books.
Bring a couple extra tarps (tarpolens).. you can set up a big shade area just outside the tent.. and put one on the ground underneath for decent footing.
Dont forget the chairs.. foldie chairs or lawn chairs or whatever.. just something for everyone to sit on and be comfortable.
And those big plastic tubs are great... for storing foodstuffs.. for putting clothes and blankets into if it gets damp.. ect.
I love having along with me a bunch of wet-ones type wipes or baby wipes... it saves your sanity if you cant get to water at that moment.
I think that covers it... if I think of something else I'll add it.. or if you have any questions.

 

[Mattemma]

Prayers for the grandma. Hoping things work out for all. I hope she can die in a family home with loved ones around. I was so sad the few times loved ones were left in the hospital,but sometimes that is the only option.

 

[HeatherLynn]

Its been a rough few days. Grammy did better for part of a day and then started a quick downhill slide. The hospital wants to talk tomorrow about making plans for discharging from the hospital. She still has a bed available to her at the rehab but there is no chance that she will be up to rehab. She has not lasted longer than 4 days in the rehab to this point. The doctor was asked his opinion. He just told us we have to start thinking about how many times we will shuttle her back and forth so he can save her and each time she loses just a bit more of herself. At this point she is vacant and non responsive. That is not my grammy at all. This is a woman with a spine of steel and mind like a steel trap. Before she was hospitalized she had already taken care of her own taxes. She still did everything herself. A bit less than 6 weeks later she cannot walk, barely can talk, and lives in her own world.

So the family has talked about bringing in hospice and taking her home. She will get transferred to the rehab for evaluation and then we suspect 4 to 5 days after that she will be in the same shape again. ( the last 3 times she has lasted only 4 days) Then we will take her home like she wanted.

I have been working money miracles to make sure we can be up there enough time for my husband to help. My SIL, bless her heart, has asked us to stay with her when we come up. She is the nurse and will be doing most of the care for grammie. She needs a helping hand since she also has 4 kids. I very well may need prayer while I am watching 8 children but I am so thankful we can help and it takes the pressure off so my husband can do what he feels needs to be done.

So right now we are waiting. I am falling apart. I thought I had my panic attacks under control but they are back and furious right now. I am falling apart, both our hearts are breaking. I wish I was a thousand miles away from where I sit tonight so I can be with her. Just a short 1008 miles away. Our bags are packed and we are ready for the call to come. We are trying not to come too early because my husband can only get away for 2 weeks. His work would not be very understanding after that. 6 weeks ago we made a 10 day trip up to see her when we found out she had breast cancer. We never thought we would be at this point so soon. I am very thankful though that its the heart and not cancer that is taking her. I would be even more thankful for a peaceful sleep for her. She has had such a hard life and is such a wonderful, loving person. I just want it to be easy for her.

Just falling apart right now. All my grandmothers died before I was born so my husbands grammy was my first and I love her dearly. Just don't know how to deal with all this right now.

 

[melodie_a]

I am so sorry. Grandmas are very special people and it is so hard to lose them. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[KimberlyJ]

HeatherLynn, Breathe. Breathe again. You will get through this one breath at a time. It is not easy, sometimes loving hurts. But be grateful that you have loved Grammie so much that lossing her hurts like this. She will never ever be gone as long as you love her. I will keep you in my thoughts.

KimberlyJ

 

[annie3001]

so sorry your going thru this. it will be okay. be strong for your hubby.