need to vent... or nuke my town... either one...

[chickensducks&agoose]

I live in a small town, my son (7) has 10 kids in his class. One of them, his 'best' friend, lives 2 doors down which is amazing, since every other kid lives at least 10 minutes away on tiny dirt roads... anyway, (we're broke) my son, for his birthday took his BF and his Best friend who's a girl out for dinner and to a movie in the 'big' city, 30 miles away. Anyway, apparently the 'best' friend is having a birthday party this weekend and DS didn't get an invite. So I called the mom, to see if it'd been a mistake, or if DS had lost the invitation and was surprised to hear that No, DS was NOT invited. Apparently a few weeks ago, DS had been sticking his tongue out at this little boy (DS says he was being a chameleon), and this little boy got his feelings hurt, and now DS is not invited to his party. I was polite to the mom, who said "I don't know why he won't invite him, but it's his birthday, and I have to do what he wants'... well, that's not how I parent. DS does what I tell him to, and I'd MAKE him invite this neighbor boy, even if they were arguing... but now I am so hurt (on DS's behalf) and angry that my kid is in this situation. I just want to move, or burn down the whole town. it just seems so mean. DS is a good kid. He's a little hyperactive, but he's not mean, and he's been invited to ONE birthday party all year. I think that people here are just dumb, and backwards, and generally I wish I lived somewhere else. it's pretty here, but the people are crap.

 

[PineappleMama]

I don't hang out with people have hurt me, that annoy me, or that make fun of me. I'm certainly not going to pay, via cake, ice cream, treat bag, for the gift of their company. And since I hate to be a hypocrite I don't force my kids to hang out with someone they don't like (for whatever reason) if they don't want to. Kid ought to be able to enjoy his own party.

Obviously your kiddo didn't make it clear to this kid that he wasn't being rude, insulting, etc. He didn't let him know he was pretending to be a lizard and he just happened to be facing him. And he didn't apologize when the kid got hurt. If you want to butt in and mend this then you'll have to try and talk that mom into forcing her child to talk to yours... doesn't seem likely given her response. But, if yours really was just playing then it's worth it to try.

If however he was purposely being mean then forcing the other kid to be around him just so he can pretend to be sorry so he can be rewarded with an invite is not a good idea. Just means he has to behave until after the party then he can start being rude again... until the next party, then he'll expect to be able to say sorry and get the good stuff. Bad habit to get into.

Just what I would do... comes down to whether you believe yours was just playing or if he meant it when he stuck his tongue out. With mine it really could be either way depending on the situation and kids involved so I won't claim to know about yours. Good luck with that one.

 

[redhen]

I wouldnt stress about it...
I bet they'll be friends again in a few weeks...
Its just how kids are..

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Rather than getting defensive about your son (which I DO understand), you need to ask yourself whether he needs help with his social skills. If a seven year old has only been invited to only one party all year, that says to me that the kids do not enjoy his company--in some way he is alienating them. That his class only has 10 students strongly echoes the same thing.

You probably ought to talk to his teacher and ask about his social skills, how he gets along with the other students. You need to know what he is doing that builds good relationships, and what he is doing that sabotages them. Once you know where he needs work, you can begin to address those issues. What he thought was funny was obviously not to his friend. As to making a child invite someone to his birthday party? Well, I can see some reasons for not issuing an invitation as invalid, but when it comes to someone who makes ones child feel bad? No, I wouldn't invite them. I might encourage the kids to get together to work out their problems, but I can't see requiring an invitation.

 

[agnes_day]

i agree with redhen..just use this as an opportunity for your kid to learn that he wont always get invited.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
Ditto*

 

[FrizzlesRule]

I wish I lived somewhere else. it's pretty here, but the people are crap.

WOW, that sounds like my town. Here is there is nothing but shallow, detached, uncaring people. I've even got put down by some because I love my chickens. People here suck. Wish me and my bantams could afford to move away from them all.

 

[homesteadingcowgirl]

CD&G,

I'm with you on the parenting issue. I wouldn't let my child be so rude as to go to a party and then not invite in return. This is esp. true concerning a best friend and with no warning. My job is to teach my children in the way to be rather than letting little brains try to figure out their own answers, as that mother is doing. If I were the other mom in this situation, I would have called you before the day and tried to get the kiddos together to resolve the misunderstanding, whcih prob. would seems like it would have been pretty easy.

Take a breath and wait til tomorrow, when some of your feelings have worked themselves through

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I think you are thinking things through too much. An older person could well be calculating enough to deliberately withhold expressing anger or disapproval until AFTER a scheduled fun event, but a 7 year old? I've seen it in adults--breaking up the week AFTER a week-long all-expenses paid work convention (spouses or significant others included), waiting to break up until AFTER Christmas or New Years or birthday presents.

But young kids don't operate that way. They live in the moment; a few days is a lifetime to them. I do agree that getting the kids together to work out their differences is a VERY good idea, but I don't think forcing an invitation from a child who felt like he was being made fun of is appropriate--it teaches him to think that his feelings do not matter, or that it is okay for others to mistreat him. There was apparently a wide communication gap between the two boys that one thought he was having fun with his friend and the other thought he was being ridiculed.

Are they best friends because they enjoy playing together more than with anyone else, or because they happen to live near each other?

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

My kid is a good kid. We just had parent teacher conferences, and apparently his social skills are good. Money here is tight, so I understand people having parties with just a few kids... we had a party with just a few kids, but this neighbor kid was one of them. My kid didn't HURT the other kid, but apparently did hurt his FEELINGS with the tongue thing. DH is in afghanistan, so this couple (the parents of the kid) have kind of been my back-up, like when we went to the ER the other day, I called them and they kept DS at their house for a few hours... and when I needed help moving my trailer, I called. And when they need someone to watch their chickens I do it. And I bring them cookies and bread pretty often... I just feel like it's always when I let someone in enough to trust them, that they decide they don't like me... or my kid in this case.. or maybe it's both?!? Maybe they just don't like me, and are trying to avoid our whole family. I just wish people would be honest, let me know what's going on, in advance of inviting all DS's other friends to this party. I called her, because i was SURE it was a mistake that he hadn't gotten an invite... never any indication that she or her kid were unhappy with mine. I am kind of a grudgy person... and the chances of me ever, EVER speaking to her again are pretty slim. Not because her kid is mad at mine and doesn't want to invite him to his BD party, but because of the way she handled it... She should have been upfront, and said something like "my kid is having a problem getting along with your kid because your kid....." and either I'd help them fix it, or I'd explain to DS that actions have consequences, and that because he stuck his tongue out at the kid, the kid is angry and doesn't want him at the party... but the way she handled it makes me lose respect for her as an adult and as a parent, because responding like that is just rude. if my kid is mad at another kid, I talk to the mom about it, or i tell my kid to deal with it, and get over it, or to tell the other kid exactly what he feels the issue is. but to just coldly exclude him from the party? They are so lucky I'm not an impulsive redneck, because if I were.....