Neighbor threatening to "take out my roosters"

[Renegade Rescue]

I have thought of this since my last post and the best advice I can come up with is don’t let him make or see you cry, when he is outside staring at you he wants you to see him don’t wave don’t look just do what you are planning to do. Once he thinks you are not intimidated or interested in what he has to say he will seek his attention from you by being nice, most likely he is lonely in a strange place and thinks being a donkeys backside will get him attention so do not re-enforce the bad behavior only re-enforce the good behavior.

 

[Kathryn4629]

I'm like you, I don't like conflict with people like that. It's really hard to deal with someone who appears to be very unreasonable - how do you reason with the unreasonable, eh?

When I first saw the title of the thread, I thought, "Oh jeez, don't tell me you can't understand how someone finds roosters incredibly annoying." - but then I saw that you had 20 acres, and the coop is a ways from his house. Yeah, I think he's being unreasonable, I agree.

Those of us who tremble at the thought of conflict often don't have very good boundaries or don't know how to enforce them well. I would suggest that if this is a particular problem for you, find a book on boundaries and read it over. It will help you a lot, and not just with this person. Bullies are good at sniffing out people they can push around, and being able to set firm boundaries puts them back in their place.

I read a thread a while ago where someone else had a nasty neighbor; the person finally just confronted the neighbor calmly and asked why she was being so unpleasant and rude when they had never had any trouble before and hadn't done anything to her. She persisted and didn't let the person ignore her, and turns out the neighbor was jealous of some of the improvements they had made to their property and that was her way of dealing with it. So you never know what makes someone act like this - because we all know it's wrong. Even that person, I bet. But he feels justified for some strange reason. Maybe he's jealous that at 25 he was slaving away his life for The Man and you have the freedom to do something you love and make a living at it? When you feel strong enough, it would be a good thing to just plain ask him why he's being so unpleasant.

I'm also going to buck the trend and say that you're perfectly justified in giving this man eggs or produce if you want to. Kindness is hard to stay mad at. Just examine your motivation for it - try not to think of it as a bribe or a peacemaking tool, because you don't owe him anything. If you can find it in your heart to find something worth liking about him and want to share your bounty with him because of that, you can better ignore the nasty and it won't sting as bad when he does something ungracious when you graciously give him the fruit of your hard work. Maybe his immaculate yard is genuinely beautiful. Compliment him on that, if you really like it. You might even ask him for some gardening tips on a problem you have. People like to feel needed.

I heard a mental health provider recently say she likes to play a little dumb when someone attacks her, and assumes they just don't know enough about the situation so she's happy to provide the information needed to make them realize they have nothing to be mad about. I don't know how to apply that to your situation, but it's worth thinking about. Because clearly this guy doesn't understand the lovely place you have.

And finally, setting good boundaries includes standing up for yourself when necessary. Completely and utterly agree with those saying you should report his threat and research your rights, and not be afraid to enforce them gently and firmly. You can be kind and giving while you also draw a line and say, "no further". It's tough, but you can do it. If you can farm 20 acres, you can set good boundaries.

Amazing post! I like the way you think. Very sound advice. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with the boundaries issue. I let people walk all over me for the most part and have been working very hard to change my ways, especially using the word "no." I use that word a lot more these days, and am getting better at it all the time.

 

[Kathryn4629]

Wow guys thanks for ALL the support! Sometimes I dont know what I would do without all the wonderful BYC peeps.

Well I called the local sheriff department and talked to the nicest man. I told him what had happened so far and that I wasn't ready to file a report that would get him talked to by a deputy...yet. He was very nice and took down my info and told me to keep a record of any interaction (like you guys all told me to) and to let them know if it escalates.

Today I mowed grass and he was out in his yard.... He stared and glared. All I did was wave and smile. Go me. I wear head phones a lot when outside, so even if he had said anything I wouldn't have heard it.

I will be putting hot-wire around my garden anyway to keep deer and chickens out. So he would get a shock if he tried anything. I also have a game cam that I am going to set up, so if he sets foot on my property I will know.

And yes I am young and have worked my tail off to get where I am. I shouldn't have to explain that I worked 2 jobs 18 hours a day for years to save money and be able to do what I do. I am driven, I should not have to explain it.

Oh and I also have a roommate (female) that lives here with me. I for sure feel safer with having someone else in the house.

 

[cafarmgirl]

Wow guys thanks for ALL the support! Sometimes I dont know what I would do without all the wonderful BYC peeps.

Well I called the local sheriff department and talked to the nicest man. I told him what had happened so far and that I wasn't ready to file a report that would get him talked to by a deputy...yet. He was very nice and took down my info and told me to keep a record of any interaction (like you guys all told me to) and to let them know if it escalates.

Today I mowed grass and he was out in his yard.... He stared and glared. All I did was wave and smile. Go me. I wear head phones a lot when outside, so even if he had said anything I wouldn't have heard it.

I will be putting hot-wire around my garden anyway to keep deer and chickens out. So he would get a shock if he tried anything. I also have a game cam that I am going to set up, so if he sets foot on my property I will know.

And yes I am young and have worked my tail off to get where I am. I shouldn't have to explain that I worked 2 jobs 18 hours a day for years to save money and be able to do what I do. I am driven, I should not have to explain it.

Oh and I also have a roommate (female) that lives here with me. I for sure feel safer with having someone else in the house.

Good for you, I think your are handling the situation the right way for now. And don't worry, as you get older you'll get stronger and your mouth will have an easier time telling people where to get off when they act like jerks and try to push you around! I used to be just like you but... well... not anymore! And I don't imply being rude or aggressive, just being firm and in their face enough to get the point across. One thing I would tell this fool if he confronts you again is that he chose to move into a rural area, that does not equal a country club or HOA or whatever. If he prefer's those settings then he should move. In the meantime you will continue working your WORKING farm and he can continue to ride his lawnmower. I think that is one comment he needs to hear, there are too many of these city people moving to rural area's and then raising heck about the farming operation's around them.

 

[bobbi-j]

Good for you for being strong! You keep up the smiling and waving, and just "kill him with kindness". If you want to offer him the results of your hard work, go for it, but don't be surprised if he refuses. I'm very glad to hear that you contacted law enforcement. Very important after he threatened your chickens and has made you feel uncomfortable. I'm also glad to know that you have someone else living in your house with you. Keep on being strong, and eventually he'll tire of his bad behavior and move on. If you let him see you get angry, upset, or emotional, he wins. You maintain control of yourself and the situation, you win and it will irritate the heck out of him.

 

[bruceh]

you did a great job. my point was don't loose your temper and don't give him a chance to argue.

 

[cheri n chicks]

Wow guys thanks for ALL the support! Sometimes I dont know what I would do without all the wonderful BYC peeps.

Well I called the local sheriff department and talked to the nicest man. I told him what had happened so far and that I wasn't ready to file a report that would get him talked to by a deputy...yet. He was very nice and took down my info and told me to keep a record of any interaction (like you guys all told me to) and to let them know if it escalates.

Today I mowed grass and he was out in his yard.... He stared and glared. All I did was wave and smile. Go me. I wear head phones a lot when outside, so even if he had said anything I wouldn't have heard it.

I will be putting hot-wire around my garden anyway to keep deer and chickens out. So he would get a shock if he tried anything. I also have a game cam that I am going to set up, so if he sets foot on my property I will know.

And yes I am young and have worked my tail off to get where I am. I shouldn't have to explain that I worked 2 jobs 18 hours a day for years to save money and be able to do what I do. I am driven, I should not have to explain it.

Oh and I also have a roommate (female) that lives here with me. I for sure feel safer with having someone else in the house.

I'm happy for you and I'm sure you are to ! Keep charge of your own destiny ! Do not give the power to anyone else !

Your right you should not have to explain anything to anybody UNLESS you want to. You definately have a good head on your shoulders ! We are all proud of you

 

[karlamaria]

Is this guy married ? Wait until he leavs and go see his wife, chances are she may not know he is harassing you. It's worth a try lol

 

[chickmashnoon]

I think he's just a frustrated old man that's full of hot air and used to getting his way and micromanaging everything himself. I think you did the right thing by notifying the authorities about his comments, but personally I have the feeling that they may not have been a serious threat, just a tactless comment. However, better to cover your bases. Pretend all the inane things comming out of his mouth are a result of some sort of mental deficiency and have a little amused pity for the man- he sounds like someone that won't be happy no matter where he is. People like this move out away from people thinking life will be wonderful when they get away, but they never get away from the person that makes them miserable- themselves!

Next time I'd point out to him how your other neighbor enjoys hearing the rooster crow- it's part of the music of country living. It will probably blow his mind

good luck and don't let him get to you

 

[jamesbwood]

"Well I called the local sheriff department and talked to the nicest man. I told him what had happened so far and that I wasn't ready to file a report that would get him talked to by a deputy...yet. He was very nice and took down my info and told me to keep a record of any interaction (like you guys all told me to) and to let them know if it escalates.

Today I mowed grass and he was out in his yard.... He stared and glared. All I did was wave and smile. Go me. I wear head phones a lot when outside, so even if he had said anything I wouldn't have heard it.

I will be putting hot-wire around my garden anyway to keep deer and chickens out. So he would get a shock if he tried anything. I also have a game cam that I am going to set up, so if he sets foot on my property I will know.

And yes I am young and have worked my tail off to get where I am. I shouldn't have to explain that I worked 2 jobs 18 hours a day for years to save money and be able to do what I do. I am driven, I should not have to explain it."

Go you!

Talking to the police and ignoring him (ear phones!) are your best bets. If you have any future problems I suggest you not confront him yourself and communicate through the police. Some of the more aggressive suggestions posted here may be fun to think about but will likely just escalate the situation and, I suspect, do not fit you. I do have to admit that the DJ with the 8000 watt PA playing AKs gets my vote for best creative reply!

I think giving him eggs - or anything from your garden - would be a big mistake. For one thing, it is rewarding bad behavior. For another, it involves you unnecessarily interacting further with him. You sound like a very nice and kind person, someone I'd like to know. There are plenty of people in this world that will appreciate your kindness. And plenty that will respect the work you have done to get where you are. This guy is simply not one of those people. Ignore him. Keep your animals on your side of the fence as best as you can and call the cops if he acts out again.

A visit from the police will likely shut him up once and for all so please don't be shy about calling them. Threatening your animals is more than enough harassment to justify a call; I'm glad you already talked to them. A lot of people like this will push buttons as long as they can get away with it.

James

PS I'm "only" on 1 acre of Ag zoned land in S. Fl. All of us out here are here because of the additional freedom we have. One neighbor actually wants me to get a rooster.