not fair!!-just need to vent

[Qi Chicken]

I did read through the first two pages and it sounds like you do a fantastic job taking care of your animals. It must be really difficult to live in that situation. I'm sorry about that. I didn't see that part about your boyfriend but if he told you he was embarrassed to be seen with you that is unacceptable. He is not worthy.

You really do seem like a hard worker. You might have to let some of your animals go TEMPORARILY if you find somewhere else to live but I think you can do it. Find a place to rent with someone else that does not have all this crazy making going on. You are spending a lot of energy just trying to stay sane in a crazy environment. All that energy could be spent healing yourself and moving forward in your life. I wish you all the best. You CAN open a bank account. No one needs to know. Give the bank a po box for an address. You can rent one cheaply. You have enough money to move out...you are just spending it on them right now. You need to look after you. They need to support themselves. You are all adults.

 

[TajMaChicken]

I am not here to judge anyone. I am in somewhat of a similar situation. I went through a divorce 4 years ago. My husband became abusive and I left. I was so ashamed that my marriage was falling apart at 22 (18 when I got married) that I lived in my truck in the parking lot of Wal-Mart for a few days. Some close friends said I could crash with them as long as I needed. My husband tried to lie and rationalize himself to my parents whom I had not even told. They told me to come home, they were worried. I did. This was all about the time the economy went to he'll! I was forced to trade-in an almost paid off vehicle, because my husband's name was on it. I went upside down on anther car. Not the best decision in some peoples eyes but they were t in my situation. I had 90 days to do something with the truck. I tried to refinance with no luck. I needed a reliable vehicle as I drive almost 80 miles a day to my job in a not so good area of Memphis, TN. The house we had had taken a serious drop in value due to the housing market crash so their was no equity in it. I just left with my clothes and things and tried to make it as painless as possible. To make the situation more complicated his mother was the founder of a battered women's shelter in town. I didn't flaunt the abuse because I was ashamed of it; I knew no one would believe me. I felt like life had been ripped away from me. I focused on work and was promoted despite having no degree. (Not saying education isn't important but sometimes hard work is just as valued) I was making what I used to think was great money but still could not get out on my own. So I have been at home for 4 years now. I help my parents out and save what I can. I am close to having the vehicle loan paid off. I thought I was getting close to getting out on my own and my parents start asking for more and more money. They were going to the casinos alot and spending what seemed like a little carelessly but nothing major - or so I thought. Come to find out they owe as much in credit card debt as they do on the house and have maxed out so many that they are relying on a Sam's card to buy groceries. I was so upset. I thought I finally had things going in the right direction and wham! I got slapped down again. There's no way I can help them out of the hole they have dug. I got very frustrated the over day when they asked me for money and then bought lottery tickets and cookies. I am 26 and well aware I should be out on my own. I have worked full time since I was 17. I should have saved more, never fallen for a jerk, and managed my life differently. Hind sight is 20/20! Life dishes us all a different hand. Everyone can point fingers or say what you should do, but they are not in your shoes. I honestly could get out now into a low income appartment (not safe for a single female) but that would mean giving up my two labs, 6 chickens and 2 ducks. For me this isn't an option! If I couldn't provide adequate care for them or myself it would be a different story. I believe God has a purpose for everything! He will not give you more than you can handle! And I promise, your life experience will make you a stronger person!

Keep your head up! Don't let others judgements hinder your self confidence! We all have opinions on things, but that doesn't make them facts. You sound like you're a responsible person in a frustrating situation. Try to think rationally about each situation you face. Say a
prayer! I get frustrated and say I finally get right with things at the wrong times, but everyone feels that way sometimes. I wish you the best of luck finding a job and working out the situation with your family! I hope in some way this helped or brought you perspective.

P.s. Sorry so long!

 

[xchairity_casex]

i appreciate the words of encouragment since i have no freinds i have no where to turn to everyone in myl ife is telling me im not working hard enough when theres a problem in the house im the one whos blamed i took the basemnet in this house so my pets would be out of everyones way my pets dont go upstairs my stuff doesnt go upstairs not clothes or books or papers but as soon as a coffee tabe gets clutterd with my sisters books and papers i get in trouble and have to clean it off and its not would you please help me? she yells about how no one helps her out and sha cant deal with it any more becuase im throwing my things alll over (what things? my nephews toys? i didnt dig them out) so i hual them upstairs to put them away only to be yelled at again when the dog gets her own toys out. and i appolagize to people who have trouble reading my typing my hands and wrists are bandaged im trying to type slowly.
i suppose this was a bad place to start this and never should have ever tried bring it up i do regrete it perhapes i regrete it for the fact that it sounds like my family is right that my feelings that i atleast deserve my pets is a lie that i dont even deserve that. i suppose i should not be suprised.

 

[babymakes6]

First off-I want to apologize to you. When I read your first post I thought you sounded like an immature, spoiled child-simply because of the title (not fair!, etc...) and because it was not well-written (running on, etc...). I am sorry for thinking that because from your later posts it is obvious that you are trying to do the best you can and it is the others who are being immature and selfish.

How old is your nephew? Even at 18 months a child is able to pick up toys, especially if it is made into a game! It really sounds to me like you may be the only dependable person in his life, so I would encourage you to help him grow up to be a mature, responsible adult like yourself. I agree with several of the other posters about opening a bank account for your money. If YOU work hard and save YOUR money, there is NO reason for your mother or sister to guilt-trip you into giving them YOUR savings. I highly doubt you will ever see the money you "loaned" them again. Keep searching for a job, but be careful you don't bother employers so much that they don't want you to come back. God bless you for trying-I will pray for you, that you will find a good job and also be strong enough to say "no" next time somebody wants YOUR hard-earned money.

 

[ChickyLaura]

I agree with a previous poster - enroll in college, either on-line or at a campus. You'd be surprised at student aid that you may be eligible for.

I speak from experience. I completed my Bachelor's Degree in Science, and I'm an RN. I am a Psychiatric RN.

I worked full-time while going to college, I have 3 kids, and my husband was in a terrible truck accident and is now disabled after having 3 surgeries. His "major" back surgery was on a day that I had a final exam. I had no choice but to plow through.

Those tough times actually propelled me forward to get my degree. It took me 4 1/2 years, but - It Was Worth Every Minute of it! And it was hard!

Go down to the basement and try very hard to clear your head. Picture where you want to be in five years, and figure out how you're going to do it. Take it day by day. Also, getting my degree was the biggest self-confidence booster for me! You can seriously do it, it just takes a lot of hard work and determination. Even if you can only start out by taking one or two classes, do it!!!

 

[WhiteMountainsRanch]

I agree with getting an education. I'm 29 and wasn't smart enough to go to school when I was your age. Now that I'm older it's harder but easier in a way too. The best part is because I don't make very much money I get a pell grant and a bog waver and I basically pay 6 dollars a semester to go. I DO have to pay for all my books and supplies though, but I get all those off the internet and buy the prior versions so it's a lot cheaper for me. It's worth it! Even if you only start with one class a semester like I did.

Hang in there and get yourself out of that messy situation! Sometimes you can find a room to rent in a house with a family for just a few hundred bucks a month. Try applying for jobs you never thought of before, I agree with another poster... even if you work at McDonald's it's better than $4 an hour!

Just realize that no one can change your situation but YOU. Make up your mind to change your life then work towards the steps needed to do so. Write a list of things you need to do. Start with getting a bank account. It's yours and only yours. You can't let other people bully you into giving them your money. Keep YOUR money and use it for getting the heck outta there!

 

[booker81]

I saw you mention MI works - that explains a lot for the job situation (MI's economy and job rate has been in the tank for years now, and the drop in unemployment is probably due to the mass exodus of people from the state).

I've actually gotten a job from Craigslist - a real job, but through a temp agency. The pay was decent too.

It's not that folks don't think you "deserve" pets....it's that we think you deserve a LOT more. A quiet place to live where you don't have to clean up animal poo from someone else's non-housebroken dog, a place where people aren't using your money for silly things, a place where you're not yelled at for dumb things. We want you to see it's all out there, within your grasp, and to us, it sounds like the only break you'll get is a clean break outta there. Imagine being in my shoes right now - it's early morning, I have my cuppa coffee, and the only sound is the keyboard and my dozen chicks cheeping in the other room. I look around, it's clean and quiet, no mess from other people who don't care, no one is taking me for granted. I know the dog is somewhere, but I don't hear her snoring right now. That's what *I* want for you - to have the chance to have this kind of peace.

At one point in my life, I was going to community college full time (LCC), and I rented a 600sqft house for $450/mo in Lansing. I waitressed all the hours I didn't have class. It was tiring, but it was so, so worth it to be here now.

I know Baker College has job placement, and a 90-something percent employment rate - and I know folks who went to Baker - they all have jobs. You can do classes for them online, and lots of grants and whatnot to make it cheap to go (or deferred student loans).

There's a whole world out there, once that YOU can carve a niche in and make a peaceful home for you - and your pets. Go get it!

 

[San]

Hi,

I don't know the situation in your state, I don't even live in the US, but the only thing I wanted to say to you and your family, try to get help for all of you. The way your mom and sister are communicate with you is not oke. Counseling or therapy if they won't than at least for yourself. And please get help for your little nephew, don't allow your Sister to treat him like an obstacle like she is doing with the pet's. You deserve better and so does your nephew but your sister and mama as well.
About your boyfriend, girl he's not worth it! Break up with him and start your one life with help, you'll get a happier and better life!

 

[QuinnP]

I was ell on my way to becoming a hoarder of rats, had 30 of them at one time. I was afraid that if I let one of them go something terrible would happen to the poor critter. I was searching for the feeling of lost motherhood, I went on the rat boards & asked for help, & they were very kind & now I have 6 boys, I will not have rats of both genders anymore, & the other rats are happy & healthy in new homes with people I trust.

 

[Duker17]

I just wanted to agree with what a few other posters have said about going to school. Since you are 23 and have basically no income, you should be able to qualify for grants, and spend the next few months checking on schools and applying for every single scholarship you can find. Make THAT your full-time job. I would also suggest maybe going away to school. It sounds like you desperately need to be out of your mom's house and a lot of places you can rent in college towns will often allow pets. Another great thing about college towns is that there are jobs! On-campus jobs that could help pay tuition and hundreds of part-time jobs as a waitress, bartender, retail, etc and they are usually willing to work around your schedule. I know you might feel like you would be abandoning your family, but honestly, it would be the best thing you could do for yourself! If you need any help finding information on the things I've suggested, feel free to pm me...there are literally thousands of resources that could be available to you if just start looking.

Oh...and one other thing, there are also lots of guys in college towns who surely would treat you much better...