Not ready for kids..

[mylittlechickpea]

debiraymond
Today 5:43 am If 25 is a mid-life crisis I'm screwed!!!!

I was SO upset when I turnd 22!!!

I have nothing to look foward to, but 25 and I can rent a car on my own

Thanks, for all the kind words, everybody. When the time is "right" I'm sure we'll know. I have my little feather child right now, and prefectly content with her

Four more months-ish and I'll get an egg. She even has her own little scrap book I'm making for her. Lots of pictures, so far, and a feather

I only wish I'd hatched her and could put some shell in there...

 

[PaulaJoAnne]

May I gently suggest something?
Don't put off trying for children for too many years.
The longer you are taking birth control, and the older you get, the harder its going to be to get pregnant.
I'm not saying try right now, but it is something to think about.
And don't lie to him. Deep down, it will hurt your relationship, whether or not the reason is known or not.
It does create barriers. And those barriers grow and get harder to break down, the longer they are allowed to grow.

 

[sfw2]

Quote:
I was trying to find a nice way of saying this. When my husband (retired Navy chief) was deployed, there was always some poor guy whose wife/girlfriend cheated on him while they were away. My DH had already been through that with his first wife (AKA "The Bimbo"), and was VERY insecure about leaving me at home while he was half way across the world. It drove me nuts, but we worked through it.

It's also possible that one of his buddies just had a child, and that's all he's hearing about, right now. Makes it sound like a GREAT idea.

 

[bkreugar]

Forgive me all you navy wives.My father was in the navy for 22 years.Retired when I was 9. I can;t speak for all navy kids but I will say ~I~ never bonded great to my father.I am an only child, and the apple of my mothers eye, but i NEVER had fond feelings for my dad.

One of my earliest memories is being maybe 4 and my mom going to a local lecture and I was with my dad as he was at shore.I was SOOOO worried about my mom not coming back.I did NOT have any kind of bonded ~daddy little girl~ feelings. I also grew up HIGHLY resentful of the constant moving.After he got out we STILL moved to 2 different stated and 4 different places in 5 years.I HATED that.I swore I would NEVER move my kids like that I would grow ROOTS when I had kids.

My parents were married 35 years before she died.SO no divorce or anything, and my mother ADORED navy life.She enjoyed 6 months of doing whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

As a post script I married someone from a similiar background who also hated the constant uprooting.once we were married 6 years we had our first child.Another 5 years later.We bought our bigger house when DD was ready to start kindergarten.We KNEW we were NOT moving, this was very important to both of us.Kind of a do over from OUR childhood.

Just food for thought and I am NOT the only one who had "daddy issues" because my father was frequently away.Again this was just MY expereince.I am sure there are other navy kids who had NO issues.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

As a stay at home mom of 3, my husband went to boot camp when our youngest was 5 weeks old, and didn't come back for 6 months. Don't get pregnant and give birth without him. he is going to need that time to be involved and committed, and bonded to the baby. If he's likely to be leaving off and on, do as much of the kid stuff while he's home. just my 2c.

plus it's super hard parenting by yourself.

 

[debilorrah]

The one real piece of advise I can give you is DO NOT LIE TO HIM. Do not keep taking pills when he thinks you are not. That is a terrible basis for a future together.

I am confident that you two can work this out together, and I also agree that is best for the marriage and your future together if he is present when the child is born, whenever that may be!!!! I think you two will make great parents.

PS: There is no "right time" for children. As a first time parent there is no way possible you will be prepared. You have do to it same way all the rest of us mother have - trial and error to find what works best for you and your child.

Your neighbor that is overwhelmed sounds like she may be ill equipped to deal with ANY stress in her everyday life. Kids are a true blessing, and once you have one, you will know true love.

 

[Spookwriter]

Be careful what you wish for.

My wife and I were married 22 years before we had our daughter.
It wasn't for lack of trying, or because we didn't want a child.

Somewhere along the line, we quit talking about it. Something that
just wasn't meant to be.

We learned to be content with each other.

Ten years ago God blessed our life with a beautiful daughter. She wasn't
planned. She wasn't expected.

Life comes in God's time...

 

[Mattemma]

I would do it but I am OK with being on my own,and even with birthing and raising the kids mostly on my own.Dh has come close to death 2 times,and having the kids somehow helped me get through it.

Everyones needs are different.Just keep the communication open.The time will come.Wishing you both a happy,healthy,long life together!!!!!

 

[dirtdoctor]

Wow,
Ya know it used to be that the first kid came along at anytime, the second one took Nine months. BUT, being a ex USAF type and having kids, NO doubt being gone and having the wife do ALL THE Gestating by herself sucks, and it is hard, frustrating etc... I know of no one that looks back 20 yrs later and says that they regretted it. If you two want kids, then have them, personal choices on timing aside, Some folks wait til the perfect time. HAHAHAHAHA The children will come, take it as it comes. That said. DO not have kids if you two can not be honest with each other, doing sneaky things to avoid pregnancy. Skirting the issue. There are deeper issues than just having kids to worry about. Until ya get those issues resolved, I would hold off. And there is no perfect birth control, if your gonna do the deed, then you have to accecpt the fact that pregnancy is possible. Two of my three kids were conceived on Rigorous birthcontrol. Now they are out of the nest, It is a wonderful thing to have children.
Good luck,
Talk to other successfull Navy families, for support!! dont talk to the unsuccessful marriages, Go with success.

 

[dirtdoctor]

Post Script~
When my firstborn was nine months, i shipped out to Korea for one year......when my son was 1 yr old I was away at work for nine months, and only got to see the family on weekends.
You two can get a support group? family with kids going thru the same things, GET successful mentors. And avoid the people who are not success stories. No sense being brought down by someone elses failures.