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When I finally got my ex to go to the marriage counselor with me he only sat through one whole appt and stormed out 10 minutes into the second one. He was diagnosed as depressed (so is his mother and sister but he's in denial) and he was classified as a dry drunk. He does not drink but he has all the personality disorders associated with alcoholism. Inappropriate anger, narcisism, inability to make good choices, inability to take responsability for his actions. The list goes on. After the counselor told me that and I did some reasearch and discussing with a recovering alcoholic I know, I gave him a choice. Admit you need to work on yourself, learn more about yourself and try and become part of the solution... or pack your crap and git out.
He still denies there is anything about him that needs changing. He is the way he is and that should be good enough for us.
Um No, not good enough, not the right answer, I've worked too hard to be a better person than I used to be. I choose to be a good example for my kids.
My daughter and I put his crap in a container last April and shipped him off to Washington to be closer to his family. The divorce was final in July. The kids are doing much better now. All their teachers and coaches say so.
Toughest choice I ever made, I've never felt better about anything I've done before or since.