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Old Boyfriend Looking for ME!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Quillgirl, Sep 16, 2009.

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  1. Sep 16, 2009 #1
    Quillgirl

    Quillgirl Chillin' With My Peeps

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    So, I received an email today from my college alum office forwarding an email they received from one of my old flames (it was serious and passionate) looking for me after 20+ years. They sent his message and his email contacts. I have often wondered how this man is doing and am flattered he is looking for me.

    I chose my husband over this flame a long time ago, and do not regret it for a minute! The flame and I parted on friendly terms, he came to my wedding, etc. He got married later and moved away...

    So, what would you do? Contact him and have a chat, or ignore him? Advice ladies...and men.

    I have no clue what he is like now, but I will give this background:
    He was a really nice guy, a true gentleman, lots of fun. He was extraordinarily good looking (a model) and an architect. We dated for a year, but I ultimately broke it off to develop a relationship with the man who became my husband. Hubby isn't really the jealous type, but he might feel a tiny bit jealous of this guy.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2009
  3. Sep 16, 2009 #2
    agnes_day

    agnes_day Chillin' With My Peeps

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    i would tread very carefully, whatever you do.
     
  5. Sep 16, 2009 #3
    Dar

    Dar Overrun With Chickens

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    the past is in the past for a reason
     
  7. Sep 16, 2009 #4
    TipsyDog

    TipsyDog Chillin' With My Peeps

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    OK - just my opinion and yes, I am old fashioned - I'd ignore it and forget about it. Stick with your husband and leave well enough alone. Men always say they don't mind, but in reality it just eats them up inside. Just my opinion and what I would do...

    good luck!
     
  9. Sep 16, 2009 #5
    Picky Chicky

    Picky Chicky Chillin' With My Peeps

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    A gracious hello, with a focus on how happy you are in your life... that's what I did with an old flame that found me on Facebook. Curiosity is only natural, but you certainly don't want to go out and have a couple drinks with this person. It would definitely give both parties (current DH and old flame) the wrong signal.

    Ces't la vie.
     
  11. Sep 16, 2009 #6
    sred98

    sred98 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I would not. The fact that you sound pretty giddy about him looking for you seems like it might cause trouble in your marriage. Especially if you think your DH might be jealous. Why bring that into your marriage? If it was reversed, you probably wouldn't appreciate DH getting back in touch with an ex-model GF, you know? [​IMG]

    DH and I are both on friendly terms with some of our exes, but we've been off and on since high school, so we know them all, anyway. Also, notice I said some. There are certain exes that would like nothing better than to cause trouble, and haven't gotten past issues from 20 years ago. Therefore, they aren't included in our friends.

    If you are really wanting to talk to him, you need to share all of this with your DH first and see how he feels. If you keep it from him, then there are bigger issues that you need to deal with. I wouldn't do anything you feel like you need to hide from him.

    You asked for opinions...this is mine. But, only you know what is right for your relationship. If it was me, in my marriage, I'd tell DH, and probably contact the ex for a dinner with me and DH, or something.

    Good Luck!

    Shelly
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2009
  13. Sep 16, 2009 #7
    redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Um...i'd have a hard time with this one....

    I think i'd contact him... Just to see how he is and such...
    I'd be flattered that someone cared that much to track me down after all these years..
    I'd at least give him the respect for that...and respond back to him.
     
  15. Sep 16, 2009 #8
    beefy

    beefy Flamingo Daddy-o

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    speaking from a guys perspective, i probably wouldnt go to the trouble of looking someone up from that long ago unless i still had a spark there. i'm not saying, i'm just saying..
     
  17. Sep 16, 2009 #9
    Quillgirl

    Quillgirl Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I'm really flattered, but not so giddy that I'd "start" something. My marriage is rock solid and my hubby knows that without a doubt.

    I have wondered about this guy for lots of reasons... mostly because we dated in college during a time when life wasn't entirely settled and I knew his hopes and dreams, but don't know if he reached them. I've wondered if he did the things he hoped he'd do. I went to his wedding (as he came to mine) and have wondered if he had kids and what they are like. Things like that...

    I'll probably tell DH about the email and see what he says. I'll also say that he has periodic contact with two old flames (every few years they call to chat) and I feel no threat at all.[​IMG]
     
  19. Sep 16, 2009 #10
    ChickBond 007

    ChickBond 007 Licensed to Cull

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    It could be something completely unexpected. Perhaps he is ill and reaching out to old friends. Perhaps he is trying to make amends for something in the past. Perhaps he just wants your mom's old "something" recipe.
    Make the same call you would make to a girlfriend that you've lost touch with after many years, and make sure to tell hubby that you are doing so. Friendship is Friendship and leave it at that.
     
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