Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Marlinchaser, Oct 23, 2007.

  1. Marlinchaser

    Marlinchaser Songster

    Oct 18, 2007
    Outrageous Work Rules
    > Dress Code
    > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according
    > to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
    > carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
    > financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
    > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
    > money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
    > therefore you do not need a pay raise.
    > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need
    > to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
    > Sick Days
    > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof
    > of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are
    > able to come to work.
    > Holidays
    > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They
    > are called Saturday & Sunday.
    > Compassionate Leave
    > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you
    > can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
    > effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the
    > arrangements.
    > In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary,
    > the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
    > We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
    > hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
    > Toilet Use
    > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
    > There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
    > cubicles.
    > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the
    > toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will
    > open, and your picture will be taken.
    > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted
    > on the University notice board under the "Chronic
    > Offenders" category.
    > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned
    > under the company's mental health policy.
    > Lunch Break
    > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
    > to eat more so that they can look healthy.
    > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
    > balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
    > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
    > all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
    > Thank you for your loyalty. Remember we are an employer of
    > choice, and we are here to provide a positive employment
    > experience.
    > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
    > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
    > allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
    > and input should be directed elsewhere.
  2. okiechick57

    okiechick57 Songster

  3. JenniferJoIN

    JenniferJoIN Songster

    Sep 10, 2007
    Southern Indiana
  4. BirdBrain

    BirdBrain Prefers Frozen Tail Feathers

    May 7, 2007
    Sounds like parenthood....

    except there is no such thing as personal days or compassionate leave. [​IMG]

    Raise, what is a raise? I wonder what the pay raise (or reduction) would be for showing up in pajamas. [​IMG]
  5. poppycat

    poppycat Songster

    Jan 26, 2007
    Yikes, I think I worked for that company a few years ago! I know my DH has too! [​IMG]
  6. SpottedCrow

    SpottedCrow Flock Goddess

    Isn't this too true?!
  7. BantyChickMom

    BantyChickMom Songster

    Sep 25, 2007
    Henderson, NC
    How fortunate I am to be self employed.
    But I do remember working for those people!!
  8. LisaJean

    LisaJean Songster

    That one about going to the doctor....

    One day I called in sick, and said I could barely get out of bed. I was out for 3 days, and per policy, provided a doctor's note.

    My supervisor looked at the date on the note, and realized it was for the day I said I could not get out of bed, and asked me how I got to the doctor if I couldn't get out of bed.

    I'm looking for another job, yeah.
  9. CarriBrown

    CarriBrown Crowing

    Quote:Do we work for the same company?
  10. Rafter 7 Paint Horses

    Rafter 7 Paint Horses Songster

    Jan 13, 2007
    East Texas
    Really....this is pretty close to my old jobs policy!!!


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