OUTRAGEOUS WORK RULES

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Marlinchaser, Oct 23, 2007.

  1. Marlinchaser

    Marlinchaser Songster

    4,943
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    Oct 18, 2007
    MERRY LAND
    Outrageous Work Rules
    >
    > Dress Code
    > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according
    > to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
    > carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
    > financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
    >
    > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
    > money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
    > therefore you do not need a pay raise.
    >
    > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need
    > to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
    >
    > Sick Days
    > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof
    > of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are
    > able to come to work.
    >
    > Holidays
    > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They
    > are called Saturday & Sunday.
    >
    > Compassionate Leave
    > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you
    > can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
    > effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the
    > arrangements.
    >
    > In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary,
    > the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
    > We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
    > hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
    >
    > Toilet Use
    > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
    > There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
    > cubicles.
    >
    > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the
    > toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will
    > open, and your picture will be taken.
    >
    > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted
    > on the University notice board under the "Chronic
    > Offenders" category.
    >
    > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned
    > under the company's mental health policy.
    >
    > Lunch Break
    > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
    > to eat more so that they can look healthy.
    >
    > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
    > balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
    >
    > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
    > all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
    >
    > Thank you for your loyalty. Remember we are an employer of
    > choice, and we are here to provide a positive employment
    > experience.
    >
    > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
    > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
    > allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
    > and input should be directed elsewhere.
    >
     
  2. okiechick57

    okiechick57 Songster

    [​IMG]
     
  3. JenniferJoIN

    JenniferJoIN Songster

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    Sep 10, 2007
    Southern Indiana
    [​IMG]
     
  4. BirdBrain

    BirdBrain Prefers Frozen Tail Feathers

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    May 7, 2007
    Alaska
    Sounds like parenthood....

    except there is no such thing as personal days or compassionate leave. [​IMG]

    Raise, what is a raise? I wonder what the pay raise (or reduction) would be for showing up in pajamas. [​IMG]
     
  5. poppycat

    poppycat Songster

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    Jan 26, 2007
    Yikes, I think I worked for that company a few years ago! I know my DH has too! [​IMG]
     
  6. SpottedCrow

    SpottedCrow Flock Goddess

    [​IMG]
    Isn't this too true?!
     
  7. BantyChickMom

    BantyChickMom Songster

    Sep 25, 2007
    Henderson, NC
    AAAAH!
    How fortunate I am to be self employed.
    But I do remember working for those people!!
     
  8. LisaJean

    LisaJean Songster

    That one about going to the doctor....

    One day I called in sick, and said I could barely get out of bed. I was out for 3 days, and per policy, provided a doctor's note.

    My supervisor looked at the date on the note, and realized it was for the day I said I could not get out of bed, and asked me how I got to the doctor if I couldn't get out of bed.

    I'm looking for another job, yeah.
     
  9. CarriBrown

    CarriBrown Crowing

    Quote:Do we work for the same company?
     
  10. Rafter 7 Paint Horses

    Rafter 7 Paint Horses Songster

    1,316
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    Jan 13, 2007
    East Texas
    Really....this is pretty close to my old jobs policy!!!

    Jean
     

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