Parents are Coming

[cassie]

I can tell you how I have handled unpleasant guests and neat freaks. Whoever complains about something not being clean enough to suit them is told where the cleaning supplies are kept and invited to have at whatever is bothering them. Complainers are reminded that they don't live here, I do. I also tell them that since I don't tell them how to run ther lives and they don't need to tell me how to run mine. And I tell them where the motel is if they find they would rather not stay in my house. My house is fairly clean but some people, relatives usually, are never satisfied.

 

[SallyF]

I cannot even imagine being rude enough to criticize the housekeeping of my host, ESPECIALLY if they are family! Boggles the mind. I agree; get 'em a hotel room and let her criticize the maid. Also, practice being a duck and letting criticism r-o-l-l-l-l off your back. Keep repeating to yourself "I don't have to go to every fight I'm invited to..."

 

[herfrds]

Well just my mother came up, which I was glad about.
She called a couple of days before. I told her that the house was not spotless and if she couldn't handle that don't bother to come. She came anyway. Told her I would not be there because both DD and I had morning duty at the 4-H concession stand.

Came up on Thursday and left in a fit on Friday. I had no idea of what happened until we got home.

Turns out she started in on my 13 yo DS about his room. Now I do not nag him about it because he does not have a lot of space to put his things. Every once in awhile I will come inside and his drum set, desk, chair, storage shelves and just about everything else will be in the kitchen and living room.
He will have his room completely emptied except for the bed and have it completely spotless.
Do you nag him to do that once a week? I sure don't. He can barely get a vaccum in there with everything back in place.
Washes his own clothes and bed sheets too.

Well my mother got on his case and he tried telling her how he cleans his room. Well she wanted him to do that, but not to bring the stuff out of his room. She wouldn't drop it or listen to what he was saying.
DS got mad and started to leave the house and she grabbed him and pushed him back into the house. He walked over and knocked his magazine stand over in a fit. Then left the house. He came back later and cleaned up the mess he made.
She left shortly after that. Didn't call me or bother to see DD again.

Yesterday she called and acted like nothing had happened. She hurt my DD's feelings for leaving and not saying good bye. Set my DS's temper off for a stupid reason.
Then on top of it all she called my oldest sister who called here. Suppose to call me tonight and I'm betting it is to chew me out about DS.

 

[sfw2]

to mom.

to sister.

to you, DS and DD.
And

that mom doesn't visit more often.

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
ABSOLUTELY.

She has PROVEN, with her OWN actions, that no matter what you do it will NEVER be good enough... there is absolutely no reason for you to expect anything less than stress, hatefulness, and did I mention stress? If they're staying elsewhere at least her hatefulness will be directed at THAT owner, not you... and while you might have to listen to the griping, again not aimed at you... so it won't hurt so much and maybe, just maybe, you'll actually have time to talk about other things... like what's going on in your life?? *gasp*

For hateful OCD people ... OCD is fine... whatever works for you... but when you try and hold everyone to your standards, when you can't even meet the basic standard of manners in my house... nothing but a hypocrite and not welcome.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Sorry, this isn't about cleanliness or cleaning; this is about control. Your son says he was willing to clean his room, but she didn't like his method. She grabbed and shoved him when he doesn't comply. If anyone in your extended family is owed an apology, it is you and your children. This is about CONTROL. Involving your sister also shows this. Next time book her hotel room, and limit the hours she spends with your family. I would also not allow her unsupervised time with my children.

If she is a visitor, she needs to act like one. Not like the homeowner and parent. Your mother needs to let go and grow up.

 

[sourland]

Don't let her problems become yours. Sounds like you and your family have things under control. Mom is the one with the problem.

 

[Ema]

mom'sfolly :

Sorry, this isn't about cleanliness or cleaning; this is about control. Your son says he was willing to clean his room, but she didn't like his method. She grabbed and shoved him when he doesn't comply. If anyone in your extended family is owed an apology, it is you and your children. This is about CONTROL. Involving your sister also shows this. Next time book her hotel room, and limit the hours she spends with your family. I would also not allow her unsupervised time with my children.

If she is a visitor, she needs to act like one. Not like the homeowner and parent. Your mother needs to let go and grow up.

I completely agree with this. You DS needs a major apology from her, She should have never laid her hands on him period!!!! as for these types of family issues I can honestly relate. next time, if there is one, hotel room no ands or ifs about it. Good luck, and I hope you find a solution. Sorry you are going through this!!​

 

[Marshmallow Man]

I feel for you. My DW stresses out for weeks before my Mother comes. Reason is because she is worried about the house and of course my Mother isn't always the nicest. I like to keep it a secret as long as possible to make my life easier. When my father was alive we would write Hi Dad in the dust on top of the fridge. He was 6'6 and always got annoyed by dust on the top of fridges.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

Quote:
Oheey! Well it would be me doing the chewing out! Shove my son? That was not a good reason to lay her hands on him.

If sissy calls, tell her to mind her own business and hang up. Sometimes family likes to relay things to actually make you feel bad and make them feel better. I had to let my sister know that if my Father has anything negative to say about me to her...I do not want to know, or hear. If he wants to tell me fine, but she is not allowed to tell me. Now I never hear anything negative because he will never tell me.

You are better off without people like this in your life. If they can't behave better than that, why allow it anymore? If you don't put your rules on the table and tell THEM how it is going to be, then you have just set yourself up for it to happen over and over again.

Of course that is your choice. Me...never going to happen. I lived like that for along time, never wanted to upset the apple cart. And people just walked all over me.

Now, I tell people how I feel, hopefully in a calm voice but I let them know. If we can't come to an agreement then I don't deal with them anymore. I don't care who they are. It just is not worth my getting stressed out, life is too short.