Parents. Are Your Daughters Confident?

[deb1]

From the ages of 11 until about 15, I went through an extremely underconfident stage. It was very uncomfortable and miserable time for me. Talking to other women my age has led me to the conclusion that many young girls go through this period. I had imagined when my daughters hit puberty that I would have to help them through this rough time.

Thus far, that has not happened. If anything, my daughters are very confident and feminist. Yes, they are feminist. Now I don't mean male hating feminist. I mean that they are very independent, young people. Maybe it is because they have older brothers who encourage them or because their dad is very active in their lives(mine was not) but they seem to be very sure of themselves.

It seems to have never occurred to them that they can't do anything because of their sex nor do they understand why anyone would not view them as capable.

This might be because they are parented by a brillant woman

. I have made a point to discuss issues about how young women are portrayed in the media but I have also discussed the fact that the media stereotypes everyone, black, homosexual, Chrisitan, nonChrisitan etc.

My daughters used to amuse me when they were little because they would dress up as princess but they would pretend that they were beating up the bad guys and saving the prince. I did not teach them that! Sometimes their brothers will laugh at them because the girls seem to have girl power moments. LOL

I was trying to talk to my 13 year old about the fact that sometimes girls do things that they don't want to do because they want to attract male attention. In that tone that kids get when they think that their parents are entirely stupid my daughter said, "Mom, there are plenty of guys. You just don't date one that can't accept you for who you are." I was torn between shaking her for her attitude or kissing her for being smarter then I was at that age.

I think that I did something right but I am not certain what. LOL So, I am curious, are girls more confident today? Am I just the world's best parent? Do any of you-especially mothers-think that your daughters are more confident then you remember being.

 

[BigBadCryBaby]

Our two youngest daughters will rule the world, I kid you not. They are self sufficient, strong, loving and very intelligent. I couldn't be prouder.

 

[deb1]

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[ScoobyRoo]

My two DD's, one a young teenager and one soon to be are confident in themselves. IMO parenting has to overrule peers. It is a tough game out there! I'm proud of my girls too!

 

[Cindiloohoo]

My daughters are confident, and yes they think I am stupid...and they are pretty confident I am stupid....

Anyway, they are learning...at least the 18 year old that I am not SOOOOOOO stupid and she has gone through stages of not being so confident lately as she has been met with the real world. I think it has MUCH to do with age. The 13 year old is only confident that she knows more than me at this point. I think kids feel safer at that age because they know we will protect them if they do something stupid, and they have that to fall back on, so they can be more aggressive in exploring new things. 18 is a harder age and the confidence level is not as high because they know if they go too far it is our job to let them suffer the results of their own mistakes, so 18 is much more careful. Well at least this is how it is turning out with my 2.

 

[deb1]

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I don't know. During my early teen years I was horribly under confident, so I think that something beyond being safe is at work here. Although I am certain that knowing your parents are there for you does make children feel confident.

Being on your own is big transition for many kids.

 

[sourland]

deb1, you did a great job. Your daughters have used the adult you as a role model. I married a self confident, self sufficient woman who had a mother cut from the same mold. We have raised a daughter who continues on in the same pattern. She in turn is raising a 14 year old daughter who continues the tradition. That having been said, I have always valued my wife's opinions and treated her with respect. We are equal in most things-and then there are things in which she excels as well as areas in which my expertise excels. I trust her decisions and she trusts mine. My daughter and son-in-law have the same sort of relationship, and it is paying off in their kids both male and female. I love strong willed self confident people-women especially. I'm not sure how much of this is nature(genetics) and how much is nurture. I have two adopted granddaughters from China. Both are great kids. One thinks she owns and can control the world. Her sister is far less confident- there are some ongoing health issues and medications she is taking that may exacerbate the situation. We all work on stoking her up and uplifting her. She will be OK, but still I worry.

 

[farmerlor]

My two oldest daughters are incredibly self-confident and independent. I don't get it either because I was that girl who hid how smart she was so that the boys would like her. My girls set about securing their futures with little regard as to whether they would have a man at their side or not. Their happiness is not dependent upon someone else. And they are bold and fearless in their opinions and beliefs. I've seen my oldest daughter working as security detail at a Planned Parenthood. My second oldest, as editor in chief of her college paper, writes opinion pieces in the paper that stir up the whole community and get people thinking and talking.
Now, my 14 year old is not as confident but that's my fault because this child has so many delays and problems, I've taught her to be afraid. I regret that but don't know what I could have done differently. My 12 year old is not afraid of anything or anyone. She recently had to write a paper for a teacher about who her favorite teacher was: "I'm not going to suck up and say you are my favorite teacher, Mrs. B. My favorite teacher is my father who always shows me how to do the things he's doing in the garage or on the farm."
I'm just as proud as I can be of my girls.

 

[MagsC]

I think my three have been a kind of mix, there were things they were confident about and other things that made them pause.
My youngest daughter is more on the confident end though, or should I say, the most confident of the three.

 

[deb1]

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Thank you. My hubby appreciates a self confident woman also.

Our marriage is one of equal also and it has worked for over twenty years. LOL