Parents who have full access to their kid's Facebook account?

[MaggieRae]

To be honest, if you're not okay letting your parents see what's on your facebook page, you need to get your priorities straight.

LOTS of people will come to look at your facebook page as you get older. In high school, you might friend teachers or coaches. Maybe you won't friend them until after high school, doesn't matter. College recruiters may look you up, although I think they're not supposed to now. Your boss, coworkers, parents, parents' friends, friends' parents. All of these people may want to keep in touch via social networking. Not so much when you're younger, but definitely when you're older. Facebook is a great tool that allows this, if used correctly.

If you can't let your parents see every one of your posts, then what will you do when the above people see them?
I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but this is all stuff to think about.

On another note concerning parents policing their children's friends activities... That's not cool. My father tried that when I was 15 when he found a note a friend of mine had written about a recent dispute she'd had with her parents. He wanted to chew her out just like he would me, but I talked to him first. One, she wasn't his kid and isn't his problem unless she's a menace to society. Which she wasn't. Two, Kids are kids and they'll have spats with their parents. An angry note is a lot better than what other kids do (drugs and the like). He did end up warning her about her language and telling her to be careful about what you write since you never know who might read it.
That also goes for the internet. It's even worse on the internet, actually. A note can be thrown away. Anything written on the net is out there for the world to see. Even if you delete it, you never know who has copied it or saved it.

 

[suzettex5]

Quote:
Maybe but a teen should have the right to shut a bedroom door and have some time alone. Why do these who insist on their children not having doors shut do it? Did you have privacy when you where a kid if so why do you insist on denying it to your child.

Yeah, I dont have a problem with one of my teens having their door closed- the only rule I have about that is if (in the future) there is a member of the opposite sex in the room with them, the door stays OPEN. At all times. Its not about trust, its about respect. I NEVER allow adults or young people who arent married to stay in my home overnight in the same bed (as Christians we feel that to allow it sends the wrong message, just a personal belief, please dont get riled up about that) so I am not going to send a message that it is ok for my son or daughter to be in a space that encourages inappropriate behavior. Yes, for the most part I trust my children, but I dont really KNOW the other kid, so I choose NOT to put my children in a situation where they have to be faced with those kinds of issues. What they may do outside my home is up to them and a direct reflection on my parenting and their own choices.

I also check on my kids every 1/2 hour or so to see what they are doing in there with the door closed. I dont bug 'em, just do a quick visual check and ask if they are ok. Because I CARE.

I dont think a kid should have no door on their bedroom for no reason. If the kid has violated trust, then that may be one way to punish them. When my brother was younger he had to go to a camp in Utah for youths with drug and alcohol problems and when he came home, part of the home program included taking the door off the room until he earned trust and showed he was more mature and responsible. Yes, I thought it was rough, but, it helped him straighten out.

When I was in HS, I was friends with a great girl- she was Honor roll, yearbook staff, cheer leader,worked part time AND got good grades, she was so sweet. BUUUUUTTT, her parents trusted her too much and never checked up on her enough. She was a closet drinker, and I mean HARD liquor, like whisky stuff. NO ONE knew but me. And even I was shocked. She ended up pregnant too soon as well. Thankfully she has done more with her life and is doing well, but it goes to show, even the 'good' kids need to watched.

 

[Chickangel79]

Quote:
Are you planning to bring up socially repressed children that are so messed up they will be the next mass murderer in a high school ????

Uh.. arent you the one that just said a few pages back that you have an 11 yr old that has a phone that you dont monitor and a FB acct. that you dont even have the password for?? 11 years old... yeah.

No I don't monitor her phone. Why should I ? She had it as a gift she pays for the small amount of credit on it. I also said I can have the password of her Facebook account anytime I want it. DO follow.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Uh.. arent you the one that just said a few pages back that you have an 11 yr old that has a phone that you dont monitor and a FB acct. that you dont even have the password for?? 11 years old... yeah.

No I don't monitor her phone. Why should I ? She had it as a gift she pays for the small amount of credit on it. I also said I can have the password of her Facebook account anytime I want it. DO follow.

I do follow. You asked her for the password AFTER this whole thread started. Not before. And again, shes 11 years old.
And lets drop it from here.. so the thread stays open.

 

[suzettex5]

Quote:
Uh.. arent you the one that just said a few pages back that you have an 11 yr old that has a phone that you dont monitor and a FB acct. that you dont even have the password for?? 11 years old... yeah.

No I don't monitor her phone. Why should I ? She had it as a gift she pays for the small amount of credit on it. I also said I can have the password of her Facebook account anytime I want it. DO follow.

NOT trying to get in the middle of ya'alls thing here, but.... As a mom to 5 kids and having raised 3 others to adulthood, I am going to make a tiny suggestion/opinion. I understand wanting to give your child respect and privacy, I REALLY do. Honestly, I felt kinda bad when I had to let my kids know I was going to be checking ALL accounts, phones, emails, texts and social networks. They didnt like it at first either. But now they dont even question it. Being in the loop as much as I possibly can has saved my kids and myself ALOT of trouble over these last few years. Wish I had done it with the older ones, it definatley would have been helpful.

My suggestion is you get your child used to you having access to her phone and any internet usage NOW, it WILL be a good thing in the future for you. And MAKE yourself check those things once in awhile. Just walk up to her one day and say- Gimme your phone, I just wanna check your 'whatever' or say 'Lets go online onto your FB or Myspace or Twitter and just check it out". Yeah, she MIGHT complain, but it will give you an AWESOME opportunity to share with her the dangers that lurk online and for her to see that you REALLY care about her and her safety. AND it may give you insight in later years as to who she is associating with or if anyone unsavory is trying to predate her. If it just becomes a normal habit now while she is young, and you dont abuse it by leaving comments, attacking her friends online, or deleting messages from her friends, you may find it an invaluable source of info for you later. And it sends her the message that you care, NOT that you dont trust her, but that you care enough to watch her back in places she may not even see as dangerous.

 

[Chickangel79]

Quote:
No I don't monitor her phone. Why should I ? She had it as a gift she pays for the small amount of credit on it. I also said I can have the password of her Facebook account anytime I want it. DO follow.

I do follow. You asked her for the password AFTER this whole thread started. Not before. And again, shes 11 years old.
And lets drop it from here.. so the thread stays open.

I asked her if she would give me the password if I wanted it. I am not concerned about any of her behaviour, I trust her, and am not as paranoid as a lot of you seem to be. You do not trust your children one iota and that's clear to see, and also so very sad to see. You are driving your own fear and prejudices of the internet and people into your children and assume its all bad.
I teach them both to sensible, teaching them how to behave on it rather than banning it or stalking them, it is more productive for parent and child. My 8 year old son is certainly not allowed on it as he is not old enough to understand personal safety.
I'll leave it there. I will be back and apologise if they turn out to have been plotting something hideous

 

[redhen]

Quote:
I do follow. You asked her for the password AFTER this whole thread started. Not before. And again, shes 11 years old.
And lets drop it from here.. so the thread stays open.

I asked her if she would give me the password if I wanted it. I am not concerned about any of her behaviour, I trust her, and am not as paranoid as a lot of you seem to be. You do not trust your children one iota and that's clear to see, and also so very sad to see. You are driving your own fear and prejudices of the internet and people into your children and assume its all bad.
I teach them both to sensible, teaching them how to behave on it rather than banning it or stalking them, it is more productive for parent and child. My 8 year old son is certainly not allowed on it as he is not old enough to understand personal safety.
I'll leave it there. I will be back and apologise if they turn out to have been plotting something hideous

Yep, call me paranoid about my childs safety anyday. It means i'm doing my job as a parent. Thanks!

 

[Chickangel79]

Quote:
No I don't monitor her phone. Why should I ? She had it as a gift she pays for the small amount of credit on it. I also said I can have the password of her Facebook account anytime I want it. DO follow.

NOT trying to get in the middle of ya'alls thing here, but.... As a mom to 5 kids and having raised 3 others to adulthood, I am going to make a tiny suggestion/opinion. I understand wanting to give your child respect and privacy, I REALLY do. Honestly, I felt kinda bad when I had to let my kids know I was going to be checking ALL accounts, phones, emails, texts and social networks. They didnt like it at first either. But now they dont even question it. Being in the loop as much as I possibly can has saved my kids and myself ALOT of trouble over these last few years. Wish I had done it with the older ones, it definatley would have been helpful.

My suggestion is you get your child used to you having access to her phone and any internet usage NOW, it WILL be a good thing in the future for you. And MAKE yourself check those things once in awhile. Just walk up to her one day and say- Gimme your phone, I just wanna check your 'whatever' or say 'Lets go online onto your FB or Myspace or Twitter and just check it out". Yeah, she MIGHT complain, but it will give you an AWESOME opportunity to share with her the dangers that lurk online and for her to see that you REALLY care about her and her safety. AND it may give you insight in later years as to who she is associating with or if anyone unsavory is trying to predate her. If it just becomes a normal habit now while she is young, and you dont abuse it by leaving comments, attacking her friends online, or deleting messages from her friends, you may find it an invaluable source of info for you later. And it sends her the message that you care, NOT that you dont trust her, but that you care enough to watch her back in places she may not even see as dangerous.

That's fair and honest advice, but I would like to add I do know what she does and who she texts. She designs clothes on girl-sense and I can see her wall on Facebook. We can check her laptop at anytime as we have the admin account password and she does not. Her laptop is kept downstairs at all times unless she is watching a film on it and then the wifI is turned off in case she has bright ideas after the film has ended. The laptop is then back downstairs. SHe only has an email account to speak to grandma in France. That's open and can access that. SHe only texts three friends and myself, she rarely has money it as she has to earn it. I don't feel the need to access any of this myself, we talk if she has any issues and brings the laptop to us if anything looks odd. IF it does then I will ask and or search. OTHer half is a pc pro and can trace activity. ALL of her Facebook is family and close friends, no one can search her name or profile. SHE chooses who she adds, it goes on my wall when she adds someone so I can see that anyway.
I know where she is and what she is doing, and speak to the child's parents she is visiting. I do have rules and punishments, I do not let my kids do as they please !

 

[Dar]

Quote:
I asked her if she would give me the password if I wanted it. I am not concerned about any of her behaviour, I trust her, and am not as paranoid as a lot of you seem to be. You do not trust your children one iota and that's clear to see, and also so very sad to see. You are driving your own fear and prejudices of the internet and people into your children and assume its all bad.
I teach them both to sensible, teaching them how to behave on it rather than banning it or stalking them, it is more productive for parent and child. My 8 year old son is certainly not allowed on it as he is not old enough to understand personal safety.
I'll leave it there. I will be back and apologise if they turn out to have been plotting something hideous

Yep, call me paranoid about my childs safety anyday. It means i'm doing my job as a parent. Thanks!

wow red do I tell my story now?... gee.. I would not wish it on anyone

 

[Chickangel79]

Quote:
I asked her if she would give me the password if I wanted it. I am not concerned about any of her behaviour, I trust her, and am not as paranoid as a lot of you seem to be. You do not trust your children one iota and that's clear to see, and also so very sad to see. You are driving your own fear and prejudices of the internet and people into your children and assume its all bad.
I teach them both to sensible, teaching them how to behave on it rather than banning it or stalking them, it is more productive for parent and child. My 8 year old son is certainly not allowed on it as he is not old enough to understand personal safety.
I'll leave it there. I will be back and apologise if they turn out to have been plotting something hideous

Yep, call me paranoid about my childs safety anyday. It means i'm doing my job as a parent. Thanks!

No problem

just be careful, cotton wool is dangerous in the respiratory system