Personal advice needed on marriage and finances

[skeeter03]

we just pay as needed all our money goes into a joint account. I have a set amount that dh "gives" me every paycheck to cover expenses. I only make about 200 a month so really my money is just gravy or for any extra bills that come up.
We try not to do the yours and mine thing - I was a stay at home mom for 8 years and really still am so that doesnt work here for us. Your best bet is to make a good list of all your expenses and a little extra just in case and then if you have to split them up. Make everything OURS - not yours and mine dont say well its your horse so you pay for the feed just generalize it all feed for animals is x amount of $ per month and that is what goes into the pot. I dont know this works for us we dont touch the bills account unless we consult first and then we take as for any extra in our own accounts we dont question what the other spends. Dh grew up in a yours and mine house and the way we do it now was hard for him at first but now he is fine with it he knows if he hands over his paycheck everything is taken care of and then we get to spend on fun stuff and he gets a good share just to spend on himself.
This works for us it may not work for you but you definitly need to have a talk with him and discuss options of what you would like to do.

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

hangin'witthepeeps :

Sometimes I feel like "You just like to complain". I added it up and it comes to $400 a month for half of the regular bills. Gosh I hate being honest but I spend $150 a week in groceries. I feed my BIL and sister too. She does buy two weeks and I buy two. So that would be $300 for food and $17 for taxes. How much should he pay for upkeep of the house and I would love to include some of Tyler's clothes in there and school supplies. I pay $50 a month in a Flexible spending account so we use that for Dr copays and hospital copays and medicine. So $25 a month for that? So around $600 a month. The only thing is upkeep. What would be fair?

I think you need to listen what is being said.....you started a tread and have alot of great responses, and you have npt listened to any of them. Stop trying to divide everything, sit down and talk to your husband. You are married, not roommates. If when you die the house is his....it is his now, as is all the money being brought in. Your incomes should be shared, then take allowances out for personal spending.
Just my opinion.​

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

He is latino. He has his "Green Card" and had it for over 30 years.

I am 37
He is 62

There is a big age difference and a culture difference. I am fluent in Spanish and he is fluent in English. He knows I am struggling to pay bills, he knows why I sold my mule. Sometimes I just feel he doesn't care and I do think it is a personality flaw, I do not know if it is cultural or age related. His 1st wife (who passed in 2000) took care of everything also. He stepkids took care of him after she died. He help raise them since they were very young and were like his children.

Sometimes I feel like his parent, or like I have another child to care for. I just wish he could do things for himself, like save money for his expenses.

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

Okay, we have a joint account. So I figure all the bills and pay them. What is left over we split down the middle?

I need to set up a savings account for the "extra expenses" and figure in a payment to it every month. He cannot be depended upon to save anything.

 

[Tigerjane]

hangin'witthepeeps :

Sometimes I feel like "You just like to complain". I added it up and it comes to $400 a month for half of the regular bills. Gosh I hate being honest but I spend $150 a week in groceries. I feed my BIL and sister too. She does buy two weeks and I buy two. So that would be $300 for food and $17 for taxes. How much should he pay for upkeep of the house and I would love to include some of Tyler's clothes in there and school supplies. I pay $50 a month in a Flexible spending account so we use that for Dr copays and hospital copays and medicine. So $25 a month for that? So around $600 a month. The only thing is upkeep. What would be fair?

Fair??? Your language about this issue makes it sound like you're dealing with a roommate problem, or a mooching younger brother. This is your HUSBAND.

Does he know you're taking loans out? Is he aware of what the bills are? It's just basic math - your income doesn't cover it all. Does he need to be assigned which bills will be his responsibility, like a little boy? My frustration is with HIM. Some other posters suggested putting an equal percentage of your income into a joint account each week/month. Great idea. You should each contribute 90% of your take home pay (or whatever percentage you're comfortable with), and pay bills and incidental expenses from that. Then you each have a little something for yourselves, and since it's percentages and not amounts it's extremely fair. But really, the word "fair" shouldn't have a place in marriage. This is not a business partnership, but your lifelong supportive partner, and he should be stepping up on his own, because he's probably already aware there's financial struggles going on.​

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

hangin'witthepeeps :

He is latino. He has his "Green Card" and had it for over 30 years.

I am 37
He is 62

There is a big age difference and a culture difference. I am fluent in Spanish and he is fluent in English. He knows I am struggling to pay bills, he knows why I sold my mule. Sometimes I just feel he doesn't care and I do think it is a personality flaw, I do not know if it is cultural or age related. His 1st wife (who passed in 2000) took care of everything also. He stepkids took care of him after she died. He help raise them since they were very young and were like his children.

Sometimes I feel like his parent, or like I have another child to care for. I just wish he could do things for himself, like save money for his expenses.

If everyone has done everything for this man his whole life.....just tell him you need his whole check, you will give him an allowance and everything will be taken care of. Sounds like you need to cowgirl up and just tell him like it is!​

 

[skeeter03]

What we do is different cause my income is NIL. but figure out your bills and monthly expenses - everything that you spend on a continuous basis (groceries + household expenses) you both contribute an equal amount cause in a marriage you should both be equal participants.
always try to put a bit extra in your joint account should something come up. budget for misc things like clothes for the kids and outings. after that then whatever is left of your paycheck you get to keep.
and yes because he makes more then you he may have more left over at the end - maybe that can be discussed and part of it put away or let him keep it. but you should both be ready to cough up your personal "spending" money if something in the house should come up that you are not prepared for.
IT just has to stop being yours and mine cause then it gets resentful.

 

[Chickenmaven]

My husband is a highly paid professional. I give him $20 a week and I pack his lunch.

edited for spelling....

 

[Amyable]

hangin'witthepeeps :

I have over the past 8 years, put a new motor in his truck, paid a lawyer for his citizenship application, paid a $3000 vet bill for when his horse had colic. He never has the money for these major things and I always find it, somewhere.

Didn't you say he now makes more than you? Where is that money going??? Is he spending it on frivolous things, or 'wants'? I agree with others, you need to sit down with him and have a serious discussion about how to change this financial situation. Remember the #1 reason for divorce is finance trouble. You really should consider combining equal portions of your incomes into a household expense account for all expected monthly bills. Then if he wants to spend such-and-such on his horse, or you want so much for a girls night out or whatever, it comes out of the 'fun' money. When the fun money is gone for the month, it's gone.​

 

[SPRING CREEK FARM]

Sounds like he has a pretty good thing going for him; but, what about you? Marriage is a partnership, so no wonder that you are feeling somewhat used and confused!!

I have created a spreadsheet that I print off and fill in each month for our bills; you have some things that are not variable that you pay each month, such as your house payment or rent, etc. and other things that do vary, like utility bills. Also, some months you have extra expense, such as automobile insurance premiums, etc. That way, my husband knows exactly what we have to pay for a given month, and it is all there in black and white. In our case, my husband brings his check home and gives it to me to deposit into our joint checking account. I do the same with my paycheck. We are pretty much in agreement as to how any "extra" money is used; I believe that it works better when both parties are fully informed as to what is coming in each month and what is going out!