Personal advice needed on marriage and finances

[hangin'witthepeeps]

I appreciate all of the advice. I just needed this wonderful encouragement so I can have "the talk" with him. I agree with taking his check and giving him an allowance. I just feel like a bully doing it. I have some roll reversal issues going on. I need to get over them and take responsibility and not worry about hurting other peoples feelings. I need to quit being a door mat.

 

[KinderKorner]

I still don't understand. Your trying to decide how to split it and how much to make him pay. Thats not how it works in a marriage. It's not his bills and your bills. It's our bills.

You need to put everything into one account. No matter what it is, whos it for. It comes out of your shared money.

If you each want some of your own money. Set some aside out of each check for your own use. But as for paying for bills and things. That is shared.

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

As far as fun money, what is that? Oh that's that money my husband spends on his day trips to the mountains to ride with his "riding club" or the money he spends on going over to a friends house and practicing roping and buying soft drinks and snacks and extra gas.

I see one or two movies a year, just movie no popcorn. I get to call my BF for free, we never go out. I paid for our last family vacation two years ago.

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

I'm talking about pocket money and gas money. Say if we had $700 left over every month. I don't want to split it down the middle I want to save some and then split what's left down the middle.

 

[skeeter03]

Then include a set amount each month in the budget for savings simple as that.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Well when my DH and I were first married. I had the good job. So I paid most the bills. Now my DH is the one that has the job and pays every thing. But I dont spend any thing on just me. I bought a pair of sandals for $5 this summer. Last year with a bit extra I bought some 99cent fruit trees. You see those will eventually feed the whole family though. I let him have most of the fun money. Which is barely none. He makes the money. He hands the checks over to me and I do the finances. Pay bills ect. ect. When we both had jobs, all the money was pooled together. The bill money was set aside. And we both shared the left over money. If any thing cost more than $25 we discussed the purchase before it was made. Yes $25 seems like a small amount to discuss. But if you went to spend that much about 4 times in one day. That equals up to a lot.

So if you are married. I believe your money should be combined. Set aside what needs to go towards bills and nessasary stuff. Then the rest can be shared or split.

If you can foot all the bills and getting no help from your guy for any of the bills. And he has a job too. Then I would feel used to. Maybe you should just get rid of him. Oh and maybe try to sneak and save some money. Even if it is his. So that way if you do leave him, get that divorce. Dont make the mistake my uncle made. Him and his wife has been seperated for almost 10 years. And he just found out that she has bills put in his name still that she is not paying. Now giving him lots of bills he didnt know about and bad credit now.

Good luck and hope you find a solution.

 

[ranchhand]

hangin'witthepeeps :

But what would be a fair compromise? It's hard coming up with "guesses". I know the regular stuff

250 House payment
130 lights
350 health insurance
25 life insurance
230 loan payment
40 vet bill and dentist (monthly until paid both are his bills)
400 approximately annually for taxes
75 cable
100 phone


What do I charge for food? Health expenses? Upkeep on home? It's all of these little things that are eating away at my money. The little inheritance I had is now gone. I have over the past 8 years, put a new motor in his truck, paid a lawyer for his citizenship application, paid a $3000 vet bill for when his horse had colic. He never has the money for these major things and I always find it, somewhere.

Really? I mean REALLY??? Is he sending it back to Mexico as well as his riding, sodas, etc? Let me be the first to say divorce the dude and send him packing. You need to work on growing some spine, not continuing to be a scam victim and tell this mooch that he needs to pay his way or go find another victim.​

 

[Amyable]

hangin'witthepeeps :

Okay, we have a joint account. So I figure all the bills and pay them. What is left over we split down the middle?

I need to set up a savings account for the "extra expenses" and figure in a payment to it every month. He cannot be depended upon to save anything.

Ahh, this helps shed some light. In a marriage, there is generally a "spender" and a "pincher." You're the pincher, he's the spender. It also usually works well to have one person handle the majority of the finances. Since 'he cannot be depended upon to save anything', you need to be the financial person of the relationship. There's nothing wrong with that, just that you're more dependable or knowledgeable when it comes to that aspect of your marriage. (My DH tends to be the spender, but he's great at balancing the checkbooks, whereas I'm miserable at it.)

So, sit down with him, make a monthly budget, figure what portions of each income need to be spent on necessities and what is left for fun. Explain to him that to keep the ship running smoothly, you would like to handle the money, and that you need to come to a consensus on the best system for getting the bills paid. Let him know you feel stressed and unappreciated, and this is how to fix that.

eta: Yes, if there is extra, set aside as much as possible in savings! And don't touch it. Put it in a Roth IRA, so you have to leave it alone. You'll be happy you did.​

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

hangin'witthepeeps :

He is latino. He has his "Green Card" and had it for over 30 years.

I am 37
He is 62

There is a big age difference and a culture difference. I am fluent in Spanish and he is fluent in English. He knows I am struggling to pay bills, he knows why I sold my mule. Sometimes I just feel he doesn't care and I do think it is a personality flaw, I do not know if it is cultural or age related. His 1st wife (who passed in 2000) took care of everything also. He stepkids took care of him after she died. He help raise them since they were very young and were like his children.

Sometimes I feel like his parent, or like I have another child to care for. I just wish he could do things for himself, like save money for his expenses.

Ok, question....
How does one keep a Green Card for 30 years and is unemployed, or barely making enough $$ to survive?​

 

[herefordlovinglady]

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