Post Your Best Joke!!!

[geebs]

one man ran into a bar...... he said ouch!!!

 

[Chickie Mamma]

A city slicker moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's alot of chicks", commented the proprietor. " I mean business", the city slicker replied. A week later, the city slicker was back again. "I need another 100 chicks", he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming", the man told him. "Yeah", the city slicker replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" Asked the proprieter. "Yeah", the City Slicker said "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

 

[DuckLover179]

Quote:

 

[chickendiva25]

Quote:

A guy at our local Farm store did that same thing when they were selling chicks there. He worked there, so the people he told actually believed him!

 

[oldrooster]

Here's a riddle,

" Railroad crossing, look out for the cars,
Can you spell that without any R's?"

If any body can figure it out, answer.

that

 

[oldrooster]

edited

 

[sandman55]

Lipstick on the mirror
​

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls had begun to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers.... and then there are educators

 

[oldrooster]

Why did the Blonde think her neighbor's chickens where cold? They told her they had a capon (cape on)....

 

[sandman55]

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room chatting about things and......life... and... Then, we talked about living and dying.
I said to her: ' Dear, if ever I end up in a vegetative state when you are alive, please never let me go on like that.....totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die'.
Up went my wife from the sofa, with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the Ipod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
....I ALMOST DIED!!

 

[SweetCitrine]

Okay, so me and my siblings were watching TV and we were watching independence disaster its a new release any way a boy had lost connection with his father and was looking at his watch and then I said "let me geuss........your father gave you that watch then he said "i remember the day your father gave you that watch" we all laughed for about 2 minuted!