Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased hislovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked myinterest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a littlesomething extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived,with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate timeto retreat to safety and every woman needs something to protect herself with, right? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressedit against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc ofelectricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on theface of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that itcouldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting littlesoul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed totry this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thoughtabout zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. Sheis such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife toprotect herself against a mugger, I did want som e assurance that it would workas advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glassesperched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taserin another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock anddisorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause musclespasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst wouldpurportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with twoitsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side asif to say, 'don't do it, dummy,' reasoning that a one second burst from such atiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself aone second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.. . . WHAT THE HECK!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up inthe recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and overagain. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tearsin my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to befound, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, andtingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to apicture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoidgetting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note ofcaution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by aviolent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be consideredconservative? A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at thatpoint), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the land scape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. Therecliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face feltlike it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I hadno control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numbto know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloudabove my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still loo king for my ta-ta's and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked myinterest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a littlesomething extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived,with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate timeto retreat to safety and every woman needs something to protect herself with, right? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressedit against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc ofelectricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on theface of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that itcouldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting littlesoul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed totry this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thoughtabout zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. Sheis such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife toprotect herself against a mugger, I did want som e assurance that it would workas advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glassesperched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taserin another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock anddisorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause musclespasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst wouldpurportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with twoitsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side asif to say, 'don't do it, dummy,' reasoning that a one second burst from such atiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself aone second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.. . . WHAT THE HECK!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up inthe recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and overagain. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tearsin my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to befound, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, andtingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to apicture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoidgetting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note ofcaution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by aviolent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be consideredconservative? A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at thatpoint), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the land scape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. Therecliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face feltlike it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I hadno control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numbto know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloudabove my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still loo king for my ta-ta's and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
