Prayer for a Member - Lost her daughter Update Pg 16

[Three_Blessings]

I will be praying for you and your loved ones.

 

[English Chick]

I am still praying for you and your family across the miles.. I cannot say more than we have all already said.... I am so very very sorry for the tragic loss of your child.... as a mother my heart breaks for you and your family....... I hope you find some solace in the fact that we are all feeling for you... massive

to you and yours.......

Time moves on, but memories never leave... I wish you peace with all my heart.......... may your beloved child be sitting at the Lord's side as she smiles down upon you....... for she will always walk beside you in spirit ...............

 

[wegotchickens]

This grief thing really wears a body down. Thanks for the continued prayers and support, ya'll. I was telling Mom how nice it was for me to share with words but not voices. When I talk on the phone the other person always cries and then I start to comfort them (can't help myself on that) and so talking isn't proving to be very therapeutic. But BYC is.

On Monday I got in touch with the middle school because my daughter had heard that kids were taking bets as to how much longer she would last. My daughter was disgusted about it but I was so upset that I kinda scared her. I calmed down and then got in touch with the principal. Yesterday my sweet girl said several kids went to the prinicipal themselves to turn in the offenders. She said that for every mean kid there were 4-5 who were angry enough to take action on her behalf. To have such a show of support really touched her. It comforts me a great deal, too.

I went in and out of Kerry's room last night, as we talked about the t-shirt quilt Mom will make for Cassie.
This morning I went in to get the hangers from Kerry's closet and her room smelled like her hair straightener. I don't know why, after days of smelling empty I suddenly smelled her there. And it's a little weird that I will always associate the smell of singed hair with my eldest daughter. But it did make me smile a bit.

Writer of Words & Terrah, I think I will always feel guilt and wonder what I missed that day. My head knows that's not the right way to take this, but my heart just can't stop it. All the teachers I worked with last year, and Kerry's counselors have also told me that none of them saw this coming and that I did more for K than a lot of parents would have done. But I still can't stop the What-Ifs and I Wonders. Mom says we need to forgive Kerry and forgive ourselves. I'll get there, but it's not an easy road.

I am planning to attend a couple of local Suicide Survivors meetings later this month. A part of me doesn't want to go, but I have to be strong for Cassie. Some things I learn there may help me know what to do for my baby.

Jenna, we are going out of town tomorrow to spend time on the coast with my sis and her family for the weekend. I'll take my talented 13-year old artist to a lot of museums and art shops. And watch my almost 6 neice be her ray-of-sunshine self as I wait to see what she really likes, so I can get it for her birthday.

Cetawin, I felt her soooo strongly around me at first. The morning after she died I awoke hearing an amatuer trying with great enthusiasm to play "You Can't Always Get What You Want" on a big pipe organ. It was so real that I could even hear the pedals moving. I laid there listening, trying to figure out where the music was coming from. Then I thought maybe there was something wrong in the house, and got up and looked around. But there was no music from anywhere until I laid back down in bed, where I heard the music again for a few more minutes before it faded away.

The afternoon/evening of Kerry's service there was a major thunderstorm. She so loved storms! 'Her' storm took out stop lights, so getting to the funeral home was a real adventure. The wind tried to blow me back into the van when we got there. The lightning had also blown out the speakers that were to play the background muzak from 5-7, and a chandelier. I knew Kerry would be mad about the muzak, but we hadn't the time to put together a CD for her. Well, I know she turned that music off because the speakers didn't work again until they played the one song I did bring, 'I'll Fly Away'. Everyone who hugged me apologized for being all wet, but I had a smile because I could feel her in the raindrops. And in spite of the storm that dumped 4 inches of rain in 2 hours, over 300 people came to her service.

But after last Friday, when we took her to be cremated, I wasn't feeling her around us any more. Not until this morning. And it really got to me, smelling that singed hair, Kerry-getting-ready-for-school smell. I took several deep breaths. And then I went back out and shut her door. I didn't cry until I was alone in my car. Didn't tell Mom or Cassie because then I'd have cried in front of them and I didn't want to start their day that way. Today is the one-week anniversary of Kerry's funeral service.

 

[GaNewChick]

 

[Zookeeper9000]

Nice to know she is still hanging out till she knows you are ok. Hugs and prayers, hang in there.

 

[SarahFair]

Quote:
For some reason this made me smile. How beautiful.

 

[SarahFair]

 

[Quillgirl]

I understand your fear all too well. Adolescence can be such an unpredictable war-zone for kids, and they are so skilled at being secretive. Two years ago, my 13 yo tried to take his life with pills. I had no idea, not a clue, until he admitted it to his science teacher. This was after the fact, and I thank heaven he was not successful. Looking back I can put together the subtle clues, but during the midst of normal, everyday rush-around life I never dreamed he'd do such a thing. He never indicated the depth of his sadness. For a year I could not let him be alone, no doors closed, constant worry, watching every emotion, weighing everything he said/wrote/did/didn't do. A mother is only as happy as her saddest child. It has taken a long time, but I am less fearful. I still watch very closely, looking for those signs... hoping they never reappear.

I ache for your loss. I understand the hurt, guilt, and even anger that comes with this sort of senseless death. And I understand your fear. It will lessen in time. Hang in there, hold tight to your family, let yourself grieve properly, and recognize that being angry is ok too, and then find a way to forgive your daughter. She loved you, no doubt. She simply hadn't developed the skills yet that would have let her manage and solve whatever seemed insurmountable at the moment. That part of her maturing brain had not kicked in yet, and that is nobody's fault, but it is so tragic. I pray that you will find solace in good memories, and that your younger daughter will be strong, and that your family will find the strength it needs.

 

[Freebie]

my thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[Julie08]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.