Pretty ticked off. Don't know if I should be?

gritsar

Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!
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I get along with my new stepdaughters really well. In fact, my DH says I get along with the older girl better than she does with her mom.
Okay, so awhile back I posted that the girls got kind of upset with us because we refused to take the younger girl's animals when she got in a tight spot - three large dogs and 3 cats. She only had two cats but picked up another stray when she knew that she would be moving within the month.
We moved her back up here to Arkansas (at our expense, even packed for her since she failed to) and she's living at her mom's with her animals.
Last week she comes to my DH wanting him to pay her car payment, since she hasn't bothered to look for a job since moving home and she blew thru her $47,000 inheritence from her grandma that was s'pose to make the car payments.
My DH told her we could not help her with the payment, but he did find buyers for some stuff she had to sell and she made her car payment. There will be a repeat of this particular scenario next month, trust me.
Now DH's older daughter is down here with her DH and their son and staying at the mom's house. Seems her DH lost his job - that paid twice what my DH makes - in N. Arkansas and their truck was repossessed. They did have another truck that my DH bought them when she was pregnant, but they kept it a month, sold it and pocketed the money. It wasn't fancy enough for them. Now the fancy truck they bought instead is gone. They are now looking for work here and traveling back up there for him to go on interviews already scheduled there.
She called my DH at work yesterday and asked to borrow a vehicle. She had a job interview here today and her DH had an interview in Little Rock. My DH told her no can do. The only vehicle we own that would be suitable for driving in heavy LR traffic is my jeep. He told her he would not ask me to loan my jeep. I wouldn't have a problem loaning it to them, but my insurance would not cover them driving. I have only eight months left to pay on my jeep and I don't intend for anything to happen to it.
So DD says nevermind, we're going to borrow mom's van. Younger sister can take mom anywhere she needs to go.
So this morning DD #1 calls and asks Dad for money for the trip. He looks at our finances and tells he will up the van with fuel and give the SIL $25 for drink money and such.
Right before my DH had to leave for work, DD #1 sends him a text and says nevermind, keep your money!
I am so mad at her right now. Why did she have to go and make my DH feel like a turd and right before he had to leave for his stressful job no less?!?!
DH sacrificed for those girls their whole growing up years. Working two, sometimes three jobs to support them and give them a good life while their mom refused to work at all!
We are absolutely covered up in doctor's bills. Both mine and his. I'm just so mad and then feel guilty for being mad.
barnie.gif
 
Your feelings are right. He is trying to help them out as best as he can. I dont think they are being very nice to him at all IMO.
 
I'm guessing they've been encouraged by someone (their mother, perhaps?) to view him as a 24-hr. ATM and have developed a sense of entitlement around that - he "owes" them.

If it's deeply ingrained, unlikely that it will ever change, but you could try some family counseling to at least address the dynamics.
 
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Yep, I think it needs to hit hard and fast. If my DH bails them out of this mess he'll be bailing them out forever. IMO, the only way to learn to stand on your own two feet is to actually do it.
 
Ungrateful little snots. I have step-children as well and they're all adults. My DH and I raised six kids...mine and his. Everyone of his adult children have come back home to live with us at some point. Mine, all but the 16 year old, are self sufficient. His children are at our house begging for money non-stop. And they try to hide this from me because it's to the point that it really pizzes me off. None of them think twice about blowing any money they make working jobs, partying, top of the line clothing...etc. But when they need a something, they come running back to daddy and he provides. It sounds like your DH is trying not to enable them, or at least cutting back on his enabling ways, but what his kids seem to be good at, as well as my DH's kids are, is playing his emotions.

I do not blame you for being peeved, but maybe that's because I'm living it too as a step-mother to mooches.
 
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Oh yeah, playing a guilt trip, trying to get you to beg her to take your money, not even!! Don't take that crap and tell her to grow up or just leave you alone.
 
We had this somewhat with dtr 3.
Had to finally give her an ultimatum. We would pay for her nursing school under our conditions as a last resort. We would help with her 2 kids, school, babysitter, etc...
After most of 3 years she has turned her life around and is doing much better and will graduate from nursing school this fall. Tough Love and intervention.

Good luck to you.
 
Ummm, no, that is not right, they should not treat their father like that. That puts him in a bad spot, and you. You should'nt feel like the "bad guy" if , for some reason, you can't help someone out. And it seems like he has helped them out A LOT already.
 
Arggh! I have a headache from just reading about these ungrateful little.... Wouldn't $47K pay off an entire car, not just a payment?

If those were my kids I'd cut them off, change my phone number and my locks. Maybe even move away. Your poor DH is being used and mistreated! Poor guy.

I never gave my kid much even though I could have. Made her work since she's 15 and now she stands on her own feet, own apartment and pays her own way in life. That's how I was raised and it worked for me too.

I don't know if I could ever handle having step kids! Good luck to you and your DH!
 

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