Pretty ticked off. Don't know if I should be?

[Sissy]

Dont get mad.
just say no.. the ATM is empty..

 

[Farmer Kitty]

My folks started down the road of loaning money or buying vehicles for my younger brother. He was suppose to pay them back. When he wasn't I told mom to stop it. She argued back that he was young and in college. I told her that he wouldn't learn to manage his money if she kept it up. She finally quit and he learned you can't spend a dollar when you have a dime. Not saying that one can't help their kids when they get in a bind but, if they don't appreciate it then it kind of sucks.

 

[rebecca100]

I am a young-ish person of 27 and my parents never had money to help, but they did what they could and I always knew without a doubt that they loved me. I think your dh needs to explain that he loves them and cares about them, but they need to take care of themselves. They'll be ticked for a while but they will get over it. He is there dad and they will always love him even if he doesn't bend over backwards for them. BTW I live in noth central Arkansas. I don't know where you are exactly, but the place I work is always hiring and trains you for your CNA certifications. It is a good job if you can do it and there are a lot of people that don't think they could that discover that they actually like taking care of others. Maybe they can do something like that. It pays okay.

 

[hearthnsoul]

You know, my husband and I have worked for everything we own. I never want to ever have a car loan, so I have gone a year at a time sharing with my husband so I could save up to buy a second car. We appreciate everything we own because we know how hard it was to earn them. I am trying to teach my children the same thing. I made many mistakes of bailing out my oldest, until i realized she was not learning the skills to keep herself from needing to be bailed out in the first place. Once I stopped doing that she has managed to maintain her own place,..her own car...a great job and she appreciates the things she owns, because she knows what it is like to have to pay for them. I would tell your husband that being a wonderful father has little to do with a hand out and in fact those very handouts can be detrimental to their development.

 

[Equus5O]

My step-daughter left to live with her mother shortly after we moved here in 2004. She couldn't handle living out in the middle of nowhere. She was about 16 at the time, I believe.

Her grades in HS were horrible. She graduated by the skin of her teeth, after allegedly attending summer school for failing Gym. Is that even possible?! She tells us she isn't graduating the day before graduation, which we would have been driving 3 hours to attend.

She hounded my husband day in and day out about buying her a car. It was her birthright, apparently. I never knew that she had been born into royalty. Against my wishes, we bought her a $5,000- Jeep, about a year ago. Exact same year and model of the Jeep we had traded in to get my VW Passat. The motorcycle my husband stated he would sell in order to buy her car still sits in our garage.

We have been told that she had borrowed money to pay for the insurance for the vehicle. After telling her that she was forgoing any future Christmas or birthday gifts, we paid for about $2,000- in repairs because she didn't maintain the vehicle.

A month or so ago, she calls my husband and tells him that he has to give her money so she can get her own apartment. Her mother kicked her out. "I know you have money!" Husband refuses. She sells the Jeep for $1,800-. She says to my husband "Sandra's VW is getting old anyway. She can just give it to me when she gets a new car." My Passat's a 2006. Fast forward to last week, when she calls to say that she's moving back in with us, because she and the guy that she dated for two months before shacking up have broken up, and she has nowhere to go. She has no job, no car, no nothing. She calls a week later, in tears, demanding that we drive 3 hours to pick her up NOW! My husband has to get up at 3 to go to work, and I took a vacation day so I could take my 8 year old son to a water park for his birthday. He's not doing it, and I'm not changing my plans. So, she's on her own. Not even a car to sleep in. It's a good thing I never told our son that his sister was coming home. She called the next day to say that she was okay, she was renting a room from a friend (in an apartment!), and she and the boyfriend had made up.

I'm expecting another tearful, hysterical call in the next day or so, demanding that we drive down to the shore to rescue her.

I know I hijacked this thread, but I can relate to the original post. I know how it is. I'm living it. I know this was long, and I've left out a LOT, in trying to keep it relatively short. And my husband would have a fit if he knew that I wrote about this in a public forum. But GOD did I need to get this out!!

 

[thechickenchick]

Quote:
Oh you must be so frustrated and tired! I am glad you decided to vent. I have never been a step parent but my DH is to my son. I am sure there are things about his role that are tough. He doesn't ever say anything though.

I think you both made a good choice not changing your plans to rescue her. If you keep reacting like this maybe she will stop calling when she needs to be bailed out. She is old enough to figure something out. My parents constantly bailed out my sis because she "just isn't as stable as you honey"! Now they are not around to bail her out and she is in very sad shape.(see my earlier post) Keep up the good work.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

Quote:
It's okay. We don't know your husband.

to both of you. Maybe one day these children will grow up. In the meantime stand firm!

And Grit, I think the $25 should go towards your babysitting fee!