Questions for Setter4 - Cremation - You MUST be respectful!!!

[English Chick]

I have found everyones comments very thought provoking, and wanted to tahnk Setter4 for his kind and thoughtful replies to the many questions raised.

My mother choose to be cremated 4 years ago, her wish was also that her casket was to be kept closed as she did not wish to be looked upon in death prior to her cremation. I upheld her wishes completely. We also discussed every element of her funeral prior to her death. I decided that I would write her funeral goodbye's to the family as I did not wany anyone else who did not know her commenting on what a wonderful Mother she was. I wrote it for mum from the heart, with individual message to the whole family. The priest who officiated at the funeral thanked me afterwards and said it was a lovely thing to do for a departed loved one. We also choose her music (Glenn Miller - no hymns because she did not want any)

My mother and I decided long ago that we would both be cremated and that as my husband wants to be buried, mum and I will once again be together, I have her ashes still, and when my time comes, we are going to have our ashes buried together on our hill farm in Bala North Wales (a special place to the family) We choose the spot, the family know what spring and summer bulbs we want planting when we are together. But I did plant a special flower bed in my garden at home, which has a plaque dedicated to her and a seat, so that anyone can sit and reflect upon memories.

So although none of us like the thought of dying and leaving behind our families etc, I believe it is best to be prepared for that final earth journey so that your family knows exactly what YOU want, and not want they want for you. So you may not want to do it for yourself, but do it for your family. Even to the point of putting down any special songs you want played.

Hope I haven't sounded to morbid. But for me at least I prefer the cremation, I dislike the thought of being buried as I don't like bugs or the cold.

Thanks for "listening"

 

[sdshoars]

wow. i read this whole thread, and i was thinking i wanted to be cremated, but i have made up my mind now. my dh doesnt like the idea of not having a headstone to visit, but he will get over it. my dad died when i was 7, my mom died when i was 8, but i remember her saying she wanted to be cremated. i told my uncle (her brother) that, and he is a big jerk, and he did what HE wanted. is it possible, and i dont know if i ever will, but is it possible to have someone exhumed (sp?) and then cremated? he also put all kinds of stuff on her headstone she didnt want, i will definately be changing that if anything. thats why i am going to put into my will and last testament exactly what i want done with my body, just in case, God forbid, my young children have to deal with my death. i dont want them to be bitter about the way their mother was treated later in life.

 

[SewingDiva]

I have another observation to share: cremation allows you to transport a person's remain across state lines yourself because there is no longer a body, and transporting a body across state lines requires a permit.

We found this out when we buried my father's remains at Arlington National Cemetery; if we had done a full casket burial it would have been a complex process to get him from PA to VA if there had been a body and a casket.

As it was he came in the car with us, and we just gave his urn to the staff at Arlington prior to the cermony. The military honors he received were identical to what he would have received if there had been a traditional casket.

We were also able to schedule his burial in advance because "cremains" (that’s what they're called at Arlington) don’t decompose and so he was buried about 2 months after his passing. This was good because we could do some planning and many friends and family were able to attend the burial. None of us had ever been to a military burial at Arlington, and it's a pretty amazing and impressive thing to witness.

Phyllis

p.S. - his grave also has the traditional Arlington white marble headstone; he's in a section used for cremation burials.

 

[wegotchickens]

Quote:
Even if it is it will be terribly expensive to exhume the body.

Daddy wanted to rebury his mom after Grandpa died, so they could be together. The guy at the cemetary first listed how long it would take and how much $ to dig up her grave.
Then he said they probably wouldn't know for sure they had 'her' because she'd been in the ground so long.

I was glad Daddy decided not to do it. Grandpa buried his wife in the shady, watered part of the cemetary because she loved plants. But Grandpa really did belong in the desert part of the cemetary (AZ).

 

[JennsPeeps]

I worked for a funeral home while in college (it normally trumps others in the "weirdest places" contest). It was actually very boring, as there's not much to do when there are no "customers". I developed a pretty blase attitude toward death, which wasn't healthy.

I've foudn this thread very intersting, and want to commend everyone for keeping it civil and for asking tough questions. These are things that many of us want to ask but can't or won't given cultural taboos. It's refreshing to discuss death without worrying that it'll knock on the door because it heard its name.

 

[setter4]

Quote:
Even if it is it will be terribly expensive to exhume the body.

Daddy wanted to rebury his mom after Grandpa died, so they could be together. The guy at the cemetary first listed how long it would take and how much $ to dig up her grave.
).

Yes, it would be possibe but you are correct that it would be prohibitively expensive. I don't know the law any where but here in Pa. but here you would also have to get a court order to allow an exhumation if the body were going to be removed from the casket.

 

[setter4]

Quote:
Sounds like you have everything under control. Which is a great kindness to everyone you leave behind.
Just for the record...I'm a she!