Ready to leave :

[WingingIt]

I'm sorry for everything you've faced.

I want to throw some things out there for you to consider. I'm not sure if they all apply to your situation or not, but in case they do, I want to bring them up.

I know you have a retirement. If I understood your posts right, you were married to wife #2 during the time you earned that retirement. Double check your state laws and see if she can lay any legal claim to a part of it. In our state she could.

You mention moving off and a fresh start sounds great, I'm sure, but that's going to leave your young son without you and he needs you. Or if you get him, it's going to leave him without her and while she's obviously not good with finances, I'm sure she does love him and vice versa.

She needs to get in counseling, as in yesterday. There's some reason she's spending money she knows you don't have and telling lies and hiding things and doing things in your name and it's not all just because she 'wants' it. It's filling some hole for her. I would totally threaten to press charges unless/until she's in therapy because the next person who's ID she'll steal is your sons.

I hope you rest easy tonight.

 

[Chicken Chaperone]

Quote:
I know I couldn't have said that any better so I'm just going to say that there are some great thoughts there, some things worth thinking about and considering!
I only want to add that I'm so glad you are sharing your experiences with us and finding some good support. We are here for you! Please take care and rest easy
knowing that the folks here care about you and wish you all the best!

 

[dogo]

Hey wing I really appreciate all of you. But, I believe you misunderstood about my young son. He is twenty-five not 9. He was nine when I retired in 1993. My father in-law thought I was to young because of my son then. But I had all my ducks in order for my son so to speak. If not I would have never retired. Believe me I was taught along time ago a man's obligation was to his family That was and still a big part of me . A man and his wife should have a relation built on trust and to me the only secret they would have should be with one another. That is whats eating away at me . The trust I had towards my wife was so deep that the only way I can explain how I feel now is a big empty place somewhere in my heart. If that makes any sense to you ? To-day was the first time I have'nt voted since I reg. to vote. I hate a straight ticket anyway . It seems we don't have much of a choice to select from. Just a bunch of outlaws it seems.. My dad wanted to retire at an early agebut did'nt quite make it. The big C had other plans for him. He was a eletrician in a coal mines. He had enough time to retire but he was such a good worker the company talked him into staying and taking over as Electrician Forman . He had 9 section working under him, He loved his job and the men who worked for him. He left this world at the age of 61. After he got the big C. He lived 2 years 2 months and 2 days. He never drawed his first retirement check and he was making good money back then. Just him and mom. After dad passed mom lived I guess about a year. She died at the age of 57. Said of a massive heart attack. There was more to it than that. She had been going to the Hospital clinic after dad had died and cougt a staff disease. They kept her on a breathing machine over 14 days. and did'n't give her brain enogh ox. When they released her it was as tho she had aquired dementia. She was so forgetful and you would be talking to her and she did'nt seem to realize what you were saying. So much for our great doctor's and all. I did'nt mean to get off on something else. It just seems my whole life has been screwed up. Sorry people. My soap opera wlii continue at another date. lol I'm just tuckered out as of now.

 

[WingingIt]

I'm sorry, I did misread that about your son. Sorry.

Very sorry about your parents, too. Cancer of various sorts runs on both sides of my family. I get my testing done every year, but at this point I figure it's a matter of when, not if, for me. So I understand that part. HATE cancer.

Have a good night.

 

[Mattemma]

So sorry to read what was done to you. I doubt I would give my dh anything OR pay for a credit card he got in my name.If I was divorcing I would probably let the CC company know it was illegaly obtained,and that they need to go after him not me. Hopefully there is some way out of this debt for you.

Hoping better days are ahead for you.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

In most states spouse are legally responsible for the debts of each other. Once legally separated or in the process of divorce, this responsibility can be stopped. However, it is not automatic. Obtaining a card in your name is not legal; however she is entitled to use your credit rating to get her own card.

Your post makes it sound like while you have been married 30 years, all but the first few you have lived apart? As to how your son was raised in his early years, if you were iving together, you are equally liable for the choices you two made. If you were not together, why were you not more involved in his early life? Quite frankly, it sounds to me like she felt she had no input into decisions you made--that you made up your own mind and then expected her to automatically agree.

 

[PineappleMama]

Just a head's up, but in my mom's divorce after 12 years she got HALF of her hubby's future (only in his late 30s at the time) retirement.

But that's Texas... everything gets split here... elsewhere I donno.

If it's the same there then you'll get at least half of her credit card bills, she'll get half of ALL property you've bought since you married her, half your cash, half your retirement, etc. Possibly even alimony so she can continue in the lifestyle YOU got her used to. And possible you get to pay for your lawyer AND hers. If you want to keep your property you may have to buy out her half of it... and she won't necessarily use the funds to pay off her debts... quite likely she'll continue to ignore them and they will keep trying to collect from you. Once you file papers then any debts she amasses are solely hers, but any before that date are on you as well.

If you plan to leave her I suggest you invest in a REALLY good lawyer, and don't plan anything (ie giving her this or that house) without consulting him and getting in writing that that is ALL she gets...

 

[dogo]

There are so many of you good people I want to thank all of you for being kind . Believe me I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy far from it. I thought perhaps there just might be someone facing a simular circumstance. But now it seems I might be the only big dummy. Like I told my wife if it had been anyone else they would be in jail. I had already taken over two or three of her other cards and was doing fine I thought ?. Well I had thought and thought on what to do between her and our baby boy . And what I was thinking ? If I could sale the extra lot in town which I bought and paid for and pay all the charge cards let her sell the house in town when she retires or what ever she wants to do ? Give Her and my baby boy the forty acres which he claims anyway along with all the farm equiptment get me a U-Hall load my hand tools guns, gun safe and my reloading equiptment and just leave. I owe 16 payments on a front end loader Kubota tractor. It was brand new my baby boy does'nt take care of a thing as I said everything he touches turns to poop. I love my son probabley to much give him to much and take to much from him. If it be some other man to treat me as he treats me . I believe he would be dead. And then he acts as tho he did nothing wrong. And He knows how to manipulate you when leaving it never fails ,he is going to tell me he loves me. If he leaves a 100 times aday he will tell me a 100 times he loves me. I had told him I rather him show me. Not to tell me. I wish he would go to counseling therapy or something ? Or maybe it me. lol. Anyway if anyone feels like traveling and I'm a home body to Idaho I think I perfer a woman let me know. I promise I want take advantage of you. I said woman because I think I would get tired of looking at an ugly ole man ?LOL Just when you just about see the light at the end of the tunnel something always happen's

 

[OmaBird]

I have been married 33 years. About 12 years ago my husband wanted a new boat. I told him his old boat was fine. It was only 6 years old and was resently compleatly over hauled. He forged my signiture and bought a $45,000 boat. He thinks it is funny. I was mad at first. It is not worth fighting over.

 

[dogo]

Quote:
The arrangement my wife and I made after I retired because she had'nt . The farm was 70 miles from town. From our house in town her work was not more than 10 minutes away. She was going to take care from 9 till he got into high school. At16 he would be driving to school. He was in grammer school from 7: a.m till 4.m which time my wife would pick him up. If not he would wait at the day care center for her. But as it happened Our son changed our plans by him cutting class when he got in the 9th grade while my wife was at work. . I took him at the farm put him in school. My wife would come down on a Friday. Later it was ever other week end. Because she and her sister took turns in taking care of her mom who had Aizheimers. We had to rework things and rerange things over time. She was making a good pay and the way our work schule was, mine and her's work out to where to did'nt have to pay day care. Thank god for that.. I hope this clears it up somewhat. I know it sounds crazy but at the time it worked for us. It might be different now. But I too had a good job. I had enough time built up I could take off just about anytime that we had a call for it.