Yeah the first time is always the hardest. I'm definitely an 'animal person', and my day job is a veterinary nurse. I'm kinda in the business of helping things NOT die! So yeah...even though I've processed over a dozen chickens within the past year, there's always that moment of heaviness when I go to end a life. It's not something I do lightly, and if it's not a quick death that makes it a lot harder to deal with. Like @Sussex19 said, it doesn't necessarily get easier the more you do it, but your hand gets steadier, you figure out the things that make the process go more to your ideal, you learn and move on to the next one.