Reliving the KIDS issue

[WingingIt]

If she's not going to school then she's going to be doing chores around the house.......and (if you paid for it) repaying you for the cost of the class she's going to fail by skipping it. She can spend the rest of her 'spare' time looking for a job (since she won't be tied up with school) and volunteering. If she's allowed to skip school with no consequences, lay around the house with no consequences, etc. - well, that's exactly what she'll continue to do. Time for a good, long talk. Honestly, it'll be hard at first if she's not used to having to be responsible for anything/herself, but she'll feel SO much better about herself once she 'gets' it. It'll be one of the best things you ever teach/show her - how to stand on her own two feet.

 

[turney31]

Hi Deb,

You know that little cable that goes from the tv to the wall, It started going to work with me! No dishes, no eat! No bed made in the morning, no tv in the evening. There were times for exceptions. Very little arguing just when they got up in the morning and nothing worked they figured they needed to get with the program.

Micah

 

[Prettiest Frog]

Do nothing for her.

No cooking, no cleaning, no laundry.

Buy her nothing except an almost absurdly low grocery budget. Like a ramen noodles diet budget. You can go as far as to lock the cupboards if you think that is necessary.

If you do nothing, you get nothing.

 

[sourland]

Wow, this is a tough one. There is a fine line between loving and enabling. We won't always be here for our kids and must teach them to be self sufficient so that they can survive on their own. Even wild animals kick their kids out when it is time. You gave legitimate options, If they are not being met, it's time for plan B. (Whatever that might be) Is the military an option?

 

[debilorrah]

I don't do her laundry. I don't buy anything that she likes to keep in the house. I purposly don't buy ranch dressing, and if I do it goes to work with me. We shut the internet off during the day and only learning channels are available on tv from 8 am to 4 pm. I HAVE to do dishes or we would have nothing to eat off of!!!!

 

[EweSheep]

You can do your own dishes except for hers. Let hers pile up. Let her serve her own food if she was to come in for family dinner. She will learn quick if she sees her own dirty dishes piled up and no clean dishes to eat off from. Same for her clothes.

Time to give the tough love. My parents did that with me and I thanked them for it! Otherwise I would have stayed with them....I was 29 years old, just graduated from college and had no plans of moving out until I had a secured job. Hubby was about 37 when he was kicked out from his parents house because he didn't want to move out, kept making excuses. When that deadline happened, he was hoping that his parents would cave in, nope, tough love was given and he realized his plans went to pot LOL! We both love the security, paying NO bills, having little responsibilities, come and go when we please but when our jobs were secured enough full time and probation period was over, our parents gave us the ultra, on a certain date MOVE OUT! They didnt care where we lived, homeless shelter or car, does not matter and it was time for us to pull up our breeches and make a life of our own. It was a rude awakening! After a month of being out on my own, everything hummed along nicely, had my cat since HS, what more do I want??? I didnt have to have rules to follow, didnt have to tell them where I am going, when to be expected back, who am I going with, etc. I loved it!!! I have NO plans in ever moving back with my parents.

Unemployment, job losses are hard but there are jobs out there in fast food businesses or temp services. Any job is better than nothing.

All she can have is her bed and dressers. Want to watch an hour of TV? Do an hour worth of chores. For each hour of chores, she can get an hour worth of internet, TV, one fine dinner, etc.

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
Unfortunately, at some point it's kicking them out.

 

[Camelot Farms]

Quote:
Oh Mahonri...I am so stealing this...

 

[debilorrah]

My earlier reply was short - I had to run! Anyhoo. Ken is talking to her tonight and telling her to find another place to live. Period. He is even more ticked than I am at her! It's not that I want her gone - I want her responsible and productive. Somehow I don't think that is gonna happen for her. I hope she can find someone to take care of her

 

[Hillsvale]

Hummm... exactly my issue!!

20 year old DS
sailed through school with honours and awards, worked part time...
then worked full time for 2 years (one year off then one extra year because he couldn't get the course he wanted)...
now going to school full time and working full time... very motivated!!

The almost 19 year old DS...
sort of working on his second year of grade twelve, second time around goes to a different sort of school where there is one class in morning one in afternoon... goes for a couple of months and switches up.... he isn't going.
Has a job one day a week... my Simon got him that.
Refuses to work at a food or coffee shop... he wouldn't like it he says, its now also difficult because the bus service is a half hour away (we lived in town 8 months ago and things were ne same so not much of an excuse there!) ... so it would have to be a day time job.
Won't join the military... too hard I suppose.
Won't go to school... bone idle kid.
School actually said he was wasting a set and didn't want him back.
Was smoking up... drinking our booze and taking money from my purse. This has been going on for two years.

Soooo, took him to a teen outfit for addictions and general issues run by our local childrens hospital last week... they chatted with him and are sending him for an assessment with a psycologist and he will be made to go to group counselling sessions.

We belive he may be depressed.

We have drawn up a contract with specific outcomes.

Go to school for the remaining of the year AND write your GED in June.
Kid promises to maximize his abilities for any shift available at his current short term employer.
Kid promises to look for work and provide a list each week or spots where employment has been sought.
Regardless of the outcome for the GED, Kid promises to pay 200. or negotiated amount beginning July 2010 or find alternate living arrangements.

It also covers the pilfering of booze and money and drugs in my home.

He is a great cleaner and when he realized he's about to be booted suddenly my house gets cleaned.... and he loves to cook and does his own laundry. So that's a bonus!

Yesterday he said he was sick and needed to stay home (I suppose he was tired and leaving the house at 6:45 ) I hauled his ass out of bed and made him come... he went to his school and convinced them to let him enrol in a class (whole morning).... I was impressed!

Do I love him... yes
Do I like him... some days
Do I want my home to myself... yes

So what am I getting at...

Perhaps a contact and/or a chore list?.... Oh and I like the taking of electronics cords!