Reliving the KIDS issue

[Britney]

There is 2 ways to look at this If you love something set it free if it comes back it's yours if it doesn't it never was. The other is If you love something you wouldn't risk setting it free. Not know you and your strengths and weaknesses. You may need to go down the tough love route and sticking with your original automaton. If it were me I would stick with my initial automaton. However I wouldn't just give them the boot. I would serve them with a real eviction notice that you down load from the computer. But let them know if they do the correct thing that they can stay. It is always easier to give others advice as parents but can we all stick to our own advice?

 

[Britney]

In case you weren't aware of how to serve an eviction notice, in the real world you have to mail it and tape it to their door. That is if you want to go that route.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I didn't read over the entire thread, but I'd start by discussing the payment of rent to live at your house. If she's not going to go to school and be responsible about it then she needs to find a job and pay rent. The agreement with my parents is they will help me out money wise until I graduate school and find a job. So as long as I am in school, I have a place to live.

Tell her to start applying online. There are numerous job that you can apply for right online and then they will call. Have her write up a resume and start sending it. She doesn't have to get a big job right away as long as she saves up. Then if she is unhappy paying rent at home, she will have enough to move out.

Another alternative instead of charging rent might be a list of chores she can do at home in exchange for her "rent". Cleaning, shopping, organizing...pretty much whatever needs to be done. She might decide she'd rather work where she gets paid!

Good luck with this situation. It seems like a very difficult decision!

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Quote:
Like I said, consider this is your own child. Easier said than done, especially in this economy. And in this area the unemployment rate is 17.5%. Which leave me torn, knowing we need to stick to our guns. ACK!!! How do we tell a kid to pull up a cardboard box to the curb??

Debi, even if she can't find a job, she could at least earn her keep be being your maid. Honestly, I would make it clear that when you and Ken come home from work you two should not have to lift a finger... the house should be clean, DISHES and laundry done, and she should even have dinner made (unless her cooking makes you gag

).


I don't know what else to say, so here's a

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Make her sit down with you and go over the bills and AGREE on what SHE is to pay and DO(chores) each month to stay with you. It's HER choice...but if it is not presented to her in that way...you'll never get anything. My 18 year old MARRIED DD and her husband were told up front that they would pay 2/5ths of ALL bills while they stay here. They have because he needs the internet for college, and she has to stay here to finish high school. They do chores IN THE HOUSE even though they stay in the travel trailer. They HAVE to give 2 hours notice if they are eating supper with us and are not allowed to EVERY day. Yes these are miniscule little arrangements, but they are not taking advantage of us. They may be in our yard, but they have their own seperate responsibilities, and they were told they would not have to pay rent on the trailer as long as they kept it clean and BOTH stayed in school. DD will be starting college in the Fall as well, so they would likely not be able to afford it. They give us access to their car which burns very little gas, and their truck to haul things in trade for free rent. They pay on electric, internet, groceries, water, and take care of a portion of our animals. It's working and they are getting a taste of the real world from those who love them rather than being tossed out on their butt to deal with those who don't love them. It is gradual, and soon they will move out or it will get more expensive for them, but they have an opportunity right now to get some real life experience under loving supervision. AND I can sleep at night, because I know they are safe, and fed

COMPROMISE but don't give in and keep parenting an adult. She needs the opportunity to grow up...FORCE IT but only a little at a time.

 

[Britney]

There is a lot of great advice here. The problem that I see is the future outcome. I have seen adult children still living at home long into their 30's and 40's because they blew their 20's/college days away. The longer these adult children stay out of college the harder that it will be for them to return. If she does not mind them returning home most of their life then go for it. It is very difficult living with our adult children because we as parents will always treat them like children. That can at times cause lots of family feuds. In today's world you need to have a trade or degree to get most jobs.

 

[WriterofWords]

Take her to the local military recruiting office, walk her in, get information with her and tell her you find a job or join up. Guaranteed housing and paycheck, get to see the world too.

ETA: Showing her the bills won't do squat, she is well aware of what is being paid and happy she isn't the one doing it. She won't be on the curb, a night in a homeless shelter might help too.

 

[agnes_day]

now that is some good advice there.

 

[Britney]

Take her to the local military recruiting office, walk her in, get information with her and tell her you find a job or join up. Guaranteed housing and paycheck, get to see the world too.

ETA: Showing her the bills won't do squat, she is well aware of what is being paid and happy she isn't the one doing it. She won't be on the curb, a night in a homeless shelter might help too.

Isn't there a son in this situation as well? Not everyone is cut out for the military I would hate to see her with a dishonorable discharge. But if she is capable let us not forget about the son, that is a great solution. Never make a threat with your children that you do not keep unless it is an unhealthy threat or a threat that was made out of anger.
You are already having a hard time getting them to wash a dish I hope this works out for you. I would hate to hear another tragedy like what happen to Nancy Kerrigan's family with their adult son moving in and out. I am not saying that this is by any means the situation here. But as we get older a patience wear thinner so does our stress levels.

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:

Isn't there a son in this situation as well? Not everyone is cut out for the military I would hate to see her with a dishonorable discharge. But if she is capable let us not forget about the son, that is a great solution. Never make a threat with your children that you do not keep unless it is an unhealthy threat or a threat that was made out of anger.
You are already having a hard time getting them to wash a dish I hope this works out for you. I would hate to hear another tragedy like what happen to Nancy Kerrigan's family with their adult son moving in and out. I am not saying that this is by any means the situation here. But as we get older a patience wear thinner so does our stress levels.

The boys are holding up their end of the bargain, she isn't. Trust me the military won't hurt her,, it didn't damage me!