Reliving the KIDS issue

[debilorrah]

Some of you remember we gave the kids an ultimatum. Get in school, or get a job or get out. Well my son is in one class at school (enrollment was heavy this semester and as a newbie coming in he didnt have a chance), DSD got enrolled in two classes - same issue. Kenny chose to move out. Done and good right?

HELL NO!!!! Today, Sara chose not to go to school because she didn't feel like it. She is dropping one of her two classes because she has missed so much. Not only is she not attending her classes, but she didn't life a very finger around here today!!! I had to do dishes so Ken had a glass to drink out of and a fork to eat with!

Now, please. Before you respond, envision this as your own child. I can imagine what some response may be, but I am really looking for CONSTRUCTIVE advise here. We love these kids, and honestly would have a hard time putting them out. What does it take to motivate a 20 year to get there POOP together????

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

That was what my parents did.. After school.. Get a job or get out.. But since I was straight out of high school. They gave me 6 months to get a job.. I had never had one before I was out of school. And live in a very small town. So its hard for some one with no experience to get a job.. But I did it in the time limit I was allowed. But since I had a job.. I moved out 3 years later to be on my own..

They say some times you are forced to do tough love.. They cant get through life sitting on their arses.... There is a real world out there and you dont get it for free..

ETA
And since Sara has decided to play hookie from school so much. I would say that dont count so now she has certain amount of time to find a job our out.. Be serious..

 

[Sammimom]

Hmmm...my kiddos are quite young yet, but my folks just had to kick out my 38 year old SISTER...and even that was just down to the next town to live in my grandmother's empty rental trailer. She has a part time job with the post office...and a COLLEGE DEGREE. This was so they could start on a much needed remodel of the part of the house she was living in. My parents are not elderly (in their 60's) so it's not like she was helping them around the house.

I guess what I'm saying is...kick them out so they can grow up a bit, and find out what is really important to them. My parents have consistantly "helped" my sister (she is the older one, BTW) her whole life, to the point that she rarely has had to stand on her own two feet. Her life choices wouldn't have been what my parents would have chosen for her, but at least they would have been hers, instead she lives in a kind of kid/grown up limbo. It's really, really hard to watch, and I get along well with both my parents and my sister, but the one time my mom asked me my opinion I gave it to her. Let her grow up, make mistakes, and live her own life.

Whew...I guess I needed to get that off my chest on a chicken forum!

 

[gritsar]

All I've got is a

I'd put them out. Then again, I'm mean thataway.

My DD had a choice, shape up or join the military and let them shape you up. She chose the military.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
It is SOOO hard. She HAS to get off her butt! She will be 21 in July. I have no issues with Brandon or Kenny - they made their choices and are sticking by them. She is NOT.

 

[Mahonri]

I've heard a good mother put it this way to the older kids once.

You know Heavenly Father and our Saviour love you more than you can imagine, believe it or not, more than me!

Now if we want to live with them again, we are going to have to prove our love to them, Our Savior said, "If ye love me, Keep my commandmetnts" Even though there is no one in this universe that loves you more, if you don't keep his rules, you won't live with Him again.

And if you don't keep our rules, you won't live with us either....

 

[claud]

Oh, I feel for you.

I have a 19yr old DD(senior in high school) who is a good kid, pleasant, doesn't get into trouble but has zero self-motivation. Drives me nearly insane.
Last year we got her a used car with the agreement that she get a job and help out with insurance and maintenance of the vehicle. The job did not materialize and at last I told her that she gets a job(ANY job) or I stop paying the insurance on the car(she had been applying for jobs but not as aggressively as I thought necessary). I insisted it was the rules we had in this house - any extras(besides shelter/food/clothing) needs a contribution from her.
We had a heated conversation(with me doing most of the lecturing) when the phone rang - a job offer for her making pizzas - YES!

Stick to your guns. I think they do have to fail to learn sometimes and it's painful to watch but necessary to grow up. They also have adolescent-brain syndrome which they will hopefully grow out of before their parents go insane -

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

You want her to grow up? Adults pay rent. When they don't, they get evicted.

Rusty

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Like I said, consider this is your own child. Easier said than done, especially in this economy. And in this area the unemployment rate is 17.5%. Which leave me torn, knowing we need to stick to our guns. ACK!!! How do we tell a kid to pull up a cardboard box to the curb??

 

[agnes_day]

well, my 17 year old told me the other day that he doesnt have to follow my "stupid" rules, is going to get emancipated from us (

) among other things..caused a HUGE dramatic scene and as a result, he will be moving to job corps next week.
my situation is different i am sure though, as i am dealing with mouthiness and disrespect issues.
maybe just tell them that you absolutely have to have some help and cooperation?