Sad Story- Girl Commits Suicide because of bullying

[Ferrret]

School officials are being questioned and may lose their jobs soon over this. Reports have come out that they knew at least one week before her death that the bullying was occurring.

I'm not sure where you got 14th leading cause from. Both my Abnormal Psych and Deviant Psych classes say its the 3rd leading cause of death for adolescents.

There were actions Phoebe could have taken to decrease some of the bullying, such as blocking the phone numbers of the people who were bullying her, blocking them from her facebook and email account and pretty much blocking all access they had to her through the internet and social networking. In school and in life is a different story of course, but a lot of the online, indirect bullying could have been prevented in the easiest way, by making them unable to attack.
People who attack you day in and day out are not friends and have no right to have access to your phone number, or social web pages, and a lot of people forget that in their unexplainable need to have as many people in their contact list as possible.

31,000 people die each year through suicide. That number fluctuates of course and is influenced heavily by a lot of factors. Mass media coverage does not help decrease the numbers of suicides, in fact it can cause more suicides to occur, especially if a celebrity or well known public persona dies by suicide. What needs to increase is knowledge about how to identify suicidal people, offer help centers that can help treat suicidal persons and to prevent some of the main causes of suicide, such as bullying through out all age levels.

Not every suicide can be prevented. Suicide is generally an action based on impulse. The opportunity is there and if the mood is right action is taken. Depression is a risk factor for suicide and the highest risk for suicide is when someone starts to feel less depressed. Feeling better makes them realize they never want to feel that miserable again and to prevent that, drastic and unnecessary measures are taken. Some suicidal people don't even exhibit the tell tale signs of being suicidal such as a preoccupation with death and dying, discussing how they want to die, and proclaiming their wishes to be dead.

But even so, people need to know how to deal with the factors that lead to suicide. Getting help from others, having others who can recognize something as being wrong and harmful, knowing when to step back and look at the importance of something in the grand scheme of your life (ie: Prom, trigonometry, having a million friends, your career, your family, having perfect hair, some basement dweller calling you fat, your favorite tv show etc.) Not many take the time to rate the level of importance of things in life, and some things get taken way too seriously and that over seriousness leads to a lot of problems.

 

[ntiveheart]

ferret, have you ever been a victim of bullying or perhaps domestic violence? it's a power trip, a way of dehumanizing a person.
when a person hears that they're fat, stupid, worthless etc etc etc often enough and long enough, you begin to doubt yourself, you start to believe it.

phoebe could have changed her number, should have removed folks from her friends list, blah blah blah. she didn't, for whatever reason, and now she's dead! no take backs, no do overs. she's just dead.
would you tell a girl that had been raped it was because her dress was too short? get real.

we need to empower these children, not blame them. they are victims and if they cannot defend themselves, we MUST defend them.

 

[Amanda0609]

Quote:
I couldn't agree with your more!!!!

 

[Boyd]

Quote:
this sounds too intellectual. Plain and simple, some people handle bullying better than others. Those kids need to spend a long time in jail for their part.

 

[Prettiest Frog]

Quote:
And this is why bullying remains a problem. People put the onus of preventing bullying on the victims, rather than on the aggressors where it belongs.

 

[Ferrret]

ntiveheart
I was picked on a bullied from kindergarten until graduation. I learned to stand up for myself when I could and to ignore the feeble comments from bullies, because the school system wouldn't do anything about it. I was in a fist fight once and only once. It should have been one sided against me but when the short kid beats up the kid twice her size, others tend to back off.

I had people throw insults at me, spread rumors that I was an easy lay and a lesbian, point and laugh loudly at me for no reason during lunch and in the hallways, throw chunks of ice at me and in one instance a small group of girls drove their car up onto the side walk in an attempt to hit me.

In elementary school I spent a week not eating lunch because a student would threaten me with a knife for my lunch money and the school did nothing. My little brother was bitten by another student hard enough to break the skin and my brother was punished for provoking the kid. I had to walk my brother home when he was in the 4th grade because a 5th grader would run him over with a bike.

In high school I stood up for a few students that had nowhere to turn because the school system wouldn't help them and their parents wouldn't take action. I was a friend to them and stood up to bullies who threatened them and hurt them.

I let kids know that I knew their names and that if they continued I would call the police and file harassment complaints. I was not a popular student, I was the freak who was mocked and made fun of day in and day out. But bullies stopped when I proved I wasn't going to lay down and let them walk over me.
The people who empowered me were my parents. My mother taught me basic self defense which I only had to use once. My father taught me not to take hell from anyone. Both of my parents taught me to be myself and to not apologize or feel bad for who I am.


Yes, teens need to be empowered to stand up against bullies, but they also need to be taught not to allow stupid things like not blocking offensive people from contacting you. If you have a stalker, you get a restraining order, right? Why not apply the same principal to a bully? There are measures that can be taken to defend yourself in some way instead of being completely vulnerable.

Yes bullies need to be punished in ways that are actually effective. Schools do the bare minimum because if they take harsh actions the parents of the bullies take issue with the school for being too harsh. Jail time should be determined by their behavior while they bullied and after their victim does something drastic. Posting the word "Accomplished" to your facebook page after someone commits suicide warrants some jail time, because the bullying had a clear intent.

And to the rape comment, women are frequently told that they were raped because their skirt was too short. The courts still try to portray a woman as loose and bring her sexual history into play when she claims rape. Accused rapists are treated more like victims than the victims of rape. Its unfair and unjust but it happens because women are still seen as lesser in a patriarchal society. Women are still seen as property in US society and rape makes them tarnished goods.

 

[jerseygirl1]

Not everyone will feel the same on this -but -

The parents of these children doing the bullying - they should also be held accountable

Famous last words - "It's all in how you're raised"

There

I said it

I'm sorry, I disagree, there was nothing Phoebe could have done to prevent this - making them unable to attack just makes them more angry and causes a higher level of harassment

But there was a lot the adults could have done to prevent this from happening

They should also be spending a good deal of time in jail

 

[ntiveheart]

ferret--i'm glad your story has a happy ending and that you had parents that were concerned and involved. unfortunately, many children are not so lucky. so many parents believe the "experts" when they twaddle on and on about bullying being a right of passage or an unfortunate part of childhood. many others are just so involved doing their own thing, that they are content to let the schools raise their children for them and happy to show up for the twice yearly parent teacher conference and be done with it.

the unattractive child, the chubby little girl, the child growing up in poverty, the boy with acne, the shy kids are systematically convinced that they have no voice, that they deserve what they're getting and no one will help them anyway. they are told they're worthless so often that they begin to believe it themselves.

yours was a story of overcoming and your journey an evolutionary process in which you learned to stand up for yourself and defend yourself in some situations. some people don't have the self esteem, self confidence or support to bring them to where you found
yourself. you had chutzpah.....too many children don't. as a result children die.

blaming the victim for their lack of self confidence, street smarts and/or common sense is counter productive. blaming these victims is the same as blaming the victim in a rape case.

blame should ALWAYS be placed with the abuser........NOT the victim

please spare a few minutes to watch the following:

 

[ubumartin]

Quote:
I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[Ferrret]

I never meant to imply it was the victims fault. As far as the story goes, no one stepped in to tell Phoebe to shut the bullies out of her social network. No one really told her how to properly handle the situation and those that are supposed to know what to do didn't get involved like they should have. Therapy may have helped, but not enough.
Phoebe didn't know what to do because everyone who was supposed to help her didn't.

Not all suicides are like her situation. Not all suicides happen because of bullying. There was a 13 year old boy who hung himself for having his video games taken away. There are suicides over parents getting a divorce because the children blame themselves for it. There are suicides over failed relationships. There are suicides to end physical pain and suffering, or to avoid death by terminal illness. Suicides caused by bullying is only a small fraction of the suicide collective. There are warning signs, there are was to help and prevent suicide and there are people who just come out of the blue and do it. Not every suicidal person leaves a note explaining their motive. Many who do leave notes apologize for leaving their loved ones behind.

I would wager that everyone has faced some level of bullying at some point. I don't really have high self esteem, but I am not low enough on it that I have to bring others down to feel good. I am far from average and that has made me the target of a lot of harassment and I will get angry, but I will also step back and remind myself that these people don't decide what I do with my life.

I would also wager that a majority of people have at some point, seriously or not, considered suicide. The thought has crossed my mind at times, but I won't do it. To me, having someone push me so far that I hurt myself means that I have given in and let them win. To some, killing themselves is vengeance against the person that hurt them. To others it is the only escape from the torment. Everyone has reasons and they are the only ones who know what those reasons are in entirety.

I personally have never seen a bully continue to bother someone who doesn't allow the bully to overpower them. Bullies are in it to feel powerful and to boost themselves up. If they can't push someone around, it isn't fun and they find a different target.

Many of the kids who are the "underdogs" can also end up being the bully themselves. I have known a few bullies who came from poverty line families, who were overweight, who were unattractive and they found their power through bullying other kids. Bullies aren't just the attractive, privileged kids on the sports team or at the top of the high school social ladder. Those kids get picked on as well, although they don't react the same because they have friends and other people who support them.