Sigh, guys can be so weird...

[Chickerdoodle13]

You guys are probably sick of hearing my personal stories, but it feels nice to have a non biased audience to tell!

A friend of mine re-connected me and a guy I had graduated high school with. I knew of him in high school, but was never really in his group of friends, so I never got to know him very well. He began texting me a few times and seemed nice enough. I told him to call me on the telephone so we could talk in person. I could tell on the phone with him that he seemed to really lack confidence in himself (He has some trouble speaking and shakes uncontrollably sometimes, which would understandly make someone feel uncomfortable with themselves). He mentioned he would like to go out to dinner sometime and I figured I would give him a chance. I'm not really looking for anything serious right now, but if someone seems normal enough, I'd give 'em a chance.

We were both really busy over the summer and couldn't find a time to get together that worked for both of us. It was a while since I heard from him again and I didn't think much of it. Recently, he's been texting me, but he seems so desperate and it's really quite a turn off. I was willing to give the guy a chance, but at this point I'm really not interested anymore. I want to start fresh and be happy now that I'm graduating college, and I don't want to be with someone who will continually bring my mood down because they are not happy themselves. I've been texting him back as little as possible so as not to be rude, but I know I have to let him know I am not interested. I know he gets turned down a lot, and I'm fairly certain this is why. I feel bad about hurting his feelings, but leading him on would hurt him much more.

Any ideas how I can do this as gently as possible? He is a nice person, but he needs to work on himself a bit before he can be happy in a relationship with someone else.

 

[ChicknThief]

Aww poor guy. Just let him know that you aren't interested in a relationship at this moment, but that you are sure he will find the right lady for him with time

 

[Mattemma]

He probably knows his behavior is an issue,but I would be tempted to tell him exactly what he is saying/doing is a real turn off.Like you said he is a nice guy. The desperation however is annoying even when it is just for friendship,and worse when you are in a relationship. I would txt to end it, or just not txt at all anymore.If you run into him ofcourse you will have to say something simple and to the point.

Best wishes for you AND him.

 

[sourland]

People can be so weird - not just guys. Tell him that your schedule/place in life at the moment does not allow the time for dating or whatever it is called nowadays.

Stay away from the desperate/needy. They are too much work and generally not much fun. You need to find someone who is comfortable in their own skin. Good luck in resolving this and Sourland wishes you a Merry Christmas.

 

[yankeedoodle300]

Yeah, Guys are so Weird

 

[cassie]

In some ways guys are dense. You have to tell them something directly. If it is subtle, they won't pick up on it at all. Maybe means yes to them.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Quote:
Yes, ALL people can certainly be weird! I'll take my horses anyday over most people!

Thanks for the advice guys. I hate hurting people's feelings, but I suppose I've got to do, what I've got to do!

 

[gritsar]

guys can be so weird

Congrats on learning this early. It'll save you alot of headaches later on down the road.

 

[redhen]

I'm a sucker..

I would still go out to dinner with him as friends..(unless you think hes a creeper?)
He probably is just lonely and wants a friend..
Just be friends.. and have a good time. Never know... maybe you will end up seeing something different in him when you all go out. Its happend before..

If he tries to get all serious and "pushy" with you... just be friendly but firm and tell him you just want to have a good time together as friends..

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Quote:
I think the problem is that he seems to be the type of guy who thinks going out on one date constitutes full relationship. When I first told him I'd go on a date with him, I didn't think this, but now I'm seeing more and more of it. I also think he may be just texting a whole bunch of girls the same thing in hopes for the first one that will bite. I don't think he's creepy though, just a bit desperate. I have a few guy friends and would love another. I just don't want to lead him on, especially when his hopes are already so high!

I would consider doing a group get together, but I think my other friends are having some relationship issues right now so I'm not sure how that will work out. I'm not going to worry about it too much though. I always have the "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" line I can pull out when I need to. In so many ways, that really is true. Thanks for the advice so far though. You guys always know what to say or do.