Sir Spook's first date



Dec 3, 2020
Can I step ouy here and share a bit of my personal life with my friends?

Most of you remember my wife passed away, and well life was hard for me. I kind of liked her and I miss her.

She was gone two years before I asked another woman on a date.

It was my birthday coming up. And all I wanted to do was to go to dinner with a woman. Just look across the table and have a dinner partner, adult conversation.

Sounds simple? Let's see.

It started over a car. I dont remember if I had a car for sale or did she have a car for sale. Either way, this started over the phone. Conversation got around to she's divorced, my wife is gone. Couple phone calls later, she sends me a head picture. She isn't a bad looking woman.

Telling myself I can do this.

I am tired of being lonely.

Its my birthday and I ask her out. No problem. So she agrees, and gives me directions to her house.

I know where this is, it's up in some dirt roads. Boondocks.

I get all dressed up, wash my pickup.

I'm ready for this. New chapter in my life.

Away I go.

It starts raining cats and dogs. Downpoor. But it can't stop me. I'm going on a date.

So I'm driving on this dirt road in the rain and I'm looking for a donkey. Her directions were to drive till I see the donkey, she lives across the road.

I drive up and down this road half a dozen times. Don't see no donkey.

I've got to drive like three, four miles back out of these dirt roads to get phone servive.

So I call her. "Oh, it's raining. The donkey went in the barn"

"Just tell me where you live" I know every house on the road by now.

I go back, and I pull in her driveway.

Her front door opens, out bounds a little girl. I figured daughter?

I was wrong.

I'm in shock.

She forgot to mention she's a midget. LIke I wouldn't notice?

She jumps around to the passenger side. Opens the door. And tries to jump in.

My truck just a regular thing. Not lifted, no big tires.

She can't get in. Can't jump that high.

Finallly she manages to grab the handhold above the door and tries to swing in.

Nope. It can't be that easy. I haven't said a word. I am speechless at this point.

Swinging on the handhold, she lost her grip. Falls backwards in the mud. From my seat all I see is her two little fat legs waving back and forth.

I run around, help her up, brush her off.

"Are you ok"?

"Yeah. It happens all the time. You'rre going to have to help, push me in."

So I do. Hurt my back. She's a big midget.

But I get her in the truck and off we go.

There be a Dollar Store few miles down the road. First thing I did was stop and buy her a stepstool.

Told her I wasn't pushing no more.

And I'm going to stop right here. Somehow dating seems a bit harder these days.
Oh Em, must you be so dramatic?

THIS is the way it wemt....

After the moderatorrs figured out that SOMEHOW , Queen Em had snuck back in to Backyard Chickens. You've been banned what now, three-four times? More trouble than a fox in the hen house.

The day after ypu slithered back in, my phone blew up. It was like the BAT SIGNAL, moderators calling for help.

"Spook, we need you. Come quick.

Here it was Em. I had BYC over a barrell. They know I'm the only one here what can handle you.

Check it out. They gave me a knighthood to come back here, protect the people from some crazy woman.

I got a brand new KINGSIZE sheet, and a big white horse to ride around on. ( no one can see the horse cause he's under the sheet)

But know that I got my eye on you Em.
Oh Em, must you be so dramatic?

The day after you slithered back in, my phone blew up. It was like the BAT SIGNAL, moderators calling for help.
You know I have always had a touch of dramatic flair.

I admit, I did wonder if when I logged in if a giant alarm started going off in Nifty's office somewhere..."CODE RED CODE RED"....Thus far, I've managed to avoid them reapplying the shock collar.:oops:

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