So i need some advice

[first time farmer]

Well I guess Ill start from the beginning. I am 18 and i just graduated from high school. I work 3 jobs. I work for a landscape company, i own a small landscape company of my own, and I am a farrier. I am making about 30k a year. However I still live with my parents. Being as independent as I am with all my work and my own bills (truck insurance, phone, business insurance ect.) i feel that i should have more freedom. My mom and I are totally different, lets just put it this way if i wasnt her son she would HATE me. I am a hick/redneck what ever you wanna call it i drive a big loud truck i wear my carhartt pants and my chippewa boots every day. She is so uptight and looks down on others who are like me. My dad and i have a great relationship he is like my best friend. He is not a hick but he likes to do all the hick stuff. I have a girl friend who i have been with for almost 2 years.

Now for my problem. I feel like my parents ( mainly my mother) treats me like I am five years old. She talks down to me all the time and makes me feel just plain un loved. She claims that she is just being a mom but at my age I feel i should have more freedom to do things such as stay out past 10 or go to see my girl friend who just moved in with her grandparents who love an hour away. Its not like I am asking to go evey night just once every other week (she comes to see my every other week) She tries to control every aspect of my life now even my work. I cant really afford to move out right now (it will take me a year to get to that point) but in the mean time I wish my mom would let me grow up and do things. So my question is how do I gain the freedom I want with out having to disown my family.

 

[pdsavage]

You should find a cheap little place and move or have a rental contract written up and pay rent to your parents.

 

[benjoycei]

Quote:
yep

 

[ChooksinChoppers]

Indepencence is sometimes hard won...BUT no need to cut your family off. If I were you and had your skills (you sound perfect for a horse farm) and they often have live in positions and a live in farrier? total ++++++ I would go on craigs list or search for live in farm positions even if it was a seasonal dude ranch...and try out your independence that way. Tell Mom you will stay in touch via calls or emails and go out and get the experience you need and want.

 

[dela1991]

I have a little experience in the teenage boy department. My three boys are now in their late 20's but it doesn't seem like that long ago that they were teenagers. I'm not sure why you are feeling unloved but it does sound like your mom might be a bit strict if you, at 18, are not allowed out past 10pm. My kids thought I was strict because I had all sorts of rules about riding in cars with their newly licensed friends. I bet your mom feels like I do in that you are the most important thing in her life and she would not know what to do if something happened to you. It sounds like you are pretty responsible, with your three jobs and taking care of your bills. I think she should lighten up a bit on the curfew as you are now a grown man. I know that you are living under her roof and she has her rules but if you talk to her, maybe she can tell you why she doesn't want you out past 10. Maybe you could work something out where you could extend your curfew. Probably a good idea to have your dad in on the conversation too. Keep us posted on how things go.

Good luck,

Terri

 

[mommyofthreewithchicks]

You are in that really tough age in which your relationship is transitioning into an adult vs adult. But... You are also living at home (not a bad thing) in which she still gets to make house rules. Mothers worry-they worry when you are 5 or 35 or 65 and when we come home they still have rules for us... Trust me I am 32 with 6 kids... Mom still lectures me.

The kids that I raised through their teenage years have a habit of coming home and while I love to see them the transition to adult to adult is also painful on the mother. It is still our house that we are sharing and thus we are hoping to be treated with respect... From my aspect this is not always the case.


Can you sit down with your mother and father and see about adjusting the house rules. As an adult to adult that means give and take on both sides, but know they still are holding purse strings if you are living at home with no rent. Good luck!

 

[first time farmer]

Quote:
We have tried to talk, even with my dad present. The curfew is more foe when I am with my girlfreind(who my dad loves and my mom hates) my dad seems to see that I am turning into an adult and my mom claims to see it but she still is being a "helicopter parent" so its just tough.

 

[egg proof]

Try to play down the red neck role a bit. Maybe if your mom sees you in a different light, she might realize that you are indeed becoming a young man. Take a college course in Landscaping 101 or marketing. Go with your mom to a social function. Actually she probably doesn't want to give you up to "the girl." At least you don't have to be worried about being drafted for Vietnam at 18 as I was. Good luck.

 

[fuzziebutt]

Well, I have been the mother of boys for the last (OMG) 31 years. And they don't grow up, they just get taller. You get along with your dad because he understands you, and knows you are a good kid. We Moms think we know what you are up to when you're not at home. Most of us are right, too! But, you will always be her little boy. I had to tell my 31 year old son to spit his gum out before church today, because I knew he would chew with his mouth open! I got the "MOMMA" look, but he still spit it out. She may not want to admit her little boy is grown up. And as far as a curfew, when you are living with the folks, it doesn't really matter how old you are, the same rules apply as they always did. I don't guess that I make much sense, but that also is the Momma in me. But we are proud of you, and we love you anyway. And I like the idea of paying rent, with a lease that states boundaries for both of you.

 

[first time farmer]

Quote:
I start at New Hampshire Tech in the fall and I am getting my degree in landscape design and I went to Oklahoma for 8 weeks to get my Journyman Farriers certification. I dont know how i would play the hick thing down because that is just who I am now she is from an upscale town and she sees people in that way of thinking so its hard to get along with her because I know she hates almost evey thing I do(even all my animals)