So i need some advice

[first time farmer]

Quote:
At this point its not enough to get an apartment around here. My business insurance is almost 12000 (2 million in liability) which is why i cant move out untill next year. Paying rent at home is not a bad Idea I am going to bring that up to my parents.

 

[sheaviance1]

Most parents have a learning curve when it comes to being a parent of an adult. This is new for them too. This little boy whom your life has revolved around since the moment of conception is all grown up and doesn't "need" you anymore. It's just as tough on her as it is on you but in different ways.

I find myself, as a parent of a 27, 21,20,19 and 12 year old, having to stop and bite my tongue when I am speaking to the three new adults. The oldest two are my stepsons, so it is not so much with them as it is with my own kids who have lived with me. I catch myself trying to mother them sometimes and I sincerely have to stop myself and reevaluate my responses to their situations.

You sound like a very handy guy to have around. In my area a lot of apartment owners offer enormous discounts, and sometimes free rent, to tenants who also serve as handyman on the property. You could explore this as an option, or better yet, follow the advice already given and look for a farm to live/work on.

 

[Dunkopf]

Quote:
At this point its not enough to get an apartment around here. My business insurance is almost 12000 (2 million in liability) which is why i cant move out untill next year. Paying rent at home is not a bad Idea I am going to bring that up to my parents.

I don't think paying your parents rent will get you the freedom you are looking for. Eighteen isn't very old. It's great you are running your own business. Shows real initiative. Parents tend to have rules about living in their house though. When I got out of the Army I was 28 and without a job. I moved in to my parents house for about 3 months. They didn't want rent but wanted money for food. I was also expected to clean the kitchen and help out just like I did as a kid. They didn't try to restrict me in any way, but did request me to call if I wasn't coming home for the night. I felt they deserved that courtesy and made sure I called to let them know.

Good luck in your endeavors. You'll figure out what works best for you.

 

[equinelyn]

I live in Southern PA. But there are a lot of places with rent cheap, esp if it's on a farm and you help out. My mom treated me like I was younger than I was. Find a friend to move in with?

 

[chicmom]

Hello First Time Farmer...

I'm a mom of two sons, and I grew up with a mother just like yours! My mother was very cold and unloving, and critisized me constantly. My dad was alot nicer to me. Now my parents are in their 70s (I'm 47), and they are still the same.

At your age, I couldn't wait to move out, and be out from under my mom's thumb. I think those feelings are just natural. You're kind of like a bird, ready to fly from the nest and the need for independence is very great right now, which is normal.

I'm sure you're a really good guy. Let me offer some suggestions that might help your mom "like you" a little bit more. (I am sure she loves you though!) Could you possibly make your bed, or wash some of your own clothes, or just help around the house or yard in some way that she would be impressed? Moms really really like it when you help out. Sometimes a mom feels taken for granted....When kids grow up and they're busy working, and they're not home very much, a mom sometimes feels like a maid in a hotel. They clean up your dirty dishes and they make your beds and do your laundry, with absolutely no thanks what-so-ever. Plus, a mom of nearly grown kids can sort of feel like she'll be alone soon, which is "empty nest syndrome". And instead of it making her more loving, it can make her kind of grouchy.

On the other hand, nothing really made my mom happy. And when I moved out at age 19, I never looked back. To this day she is still a negative person, who I feel looks down on me. I realize though, that she just can't help herself. She was raised by alcoholic parents, and all her siblings are dead due to alcohol/drug abuse. Mom is the only one who turned out well, and had a successful life. So that's why she tries to be so controlling. She just can't help herself. Maybe your mom didn't have the best childhood.

So if you try to give her a hand around the house, she might respond in a positive way, but if she doesn't, then you need to realize that she is who she is, and it doesn't mean you're not a good person. In this case, you just have to let her say what she has to say, and then do what you want to do. Sounds like you're doing very well!

I tried to raise my sons in a more loving way than my mom raised me, and we're really close. One son is 23 and married 3 years and has a baby now, and the other will be a senior in high school next year. Just remember if you ever have kids, don't act like your mom......Learn from that. That's what I did.

Take care,
Sharon

 

[Keltara]

I think it's time to move out. Even with your insurance cost, you could get a room mate and easily make it work. Otherwise, you need to respectfully deal with your mother. You are under her roof and until you are not, you need to live by her rules. Even if you are working hard and making money, until you move out on your own, you will not be independent.