So no-one gets why it upset me, it was my favorite one.

Date sort Score sort
Sounds like your FIL might be in the early stages of Alzheimers. Early symptoms often include stuff like irrational anger, inappropriate comments, and other things. Most people think of the memory loss being the most obvious, but sometimes its other things.

I think your dh probably knows something is going on, but doesn't want to admit it. Probably true of the FIL as well. Reacting in anger makes it seem like the FIL understood that knife sharpening, dishwashing or whatever was okay, and that the job he was doing was helpful. It might be that he actually did not understand why doing those things were so important to him, and when confronted, lashed out rather than dealt with the real issues.

Getting old is hard on people. They see their independence slipping away, their friends passing away, their bodies breaking down and their minds wandering. Depression is very common, and is often expressed as anger.

Not to excuse your FIL, especially considering the inappropriate comments, and other things, but try to see his perspective. Moving in with you, after a heart attack, has changed his life in many ways. He is living with children for the first time since his were raised, living in someone else's home, not able to decide what is for dinner or what toothpaste to buy. He knows he is slipping, tries to help in ways that make sense to him, and gets reprimanded. Maybe finding him useful, easy tasks around the house will help you both. At his age, the tasks should probably be something considered "manly". Have him sort the mail, bundle up the recycling, sweep the patio, sort hardware in the garage (everyone has screws and nails sitting around in the wrong place), tighten the doorknobs, take down the screens, etc.
 
Quote:
although I appriciate your thoughts everything you assume about his prior living condition and present are not accurate.



Anyway he made the comment the other day how the kids are so good for him. Plus he really likes how my daughter cuddles with him and he loves the feel of her body next to his. He is moving to a retirement home I am sorry if it seems cold hearted but that was over the top not going to go on in my house.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I'm pretty laid back about a lot in life, but that gives me the total creepy heeby-jeebies. Get him out of your house!
 
Quote:
While I would be upset about the knife I would be more upset for the reason Squishy posted. Im sure the FIL wasnt trying to abuse the knife,he probably thought he was helping but the fact is he and your husband were both disrespectful towards you. Ask your husband how he would feel if you used his favorite chisel as a screwdriver or his expensive torque wrench as a hammer. Maybe he would get it then. I think he might have discounted it because to him the knife had no meaning therefore no value. Im sorry your upset and I dont blame you for feeling that way,
 
Quote:
although I appriciate your thoughts everything you assume about his prior living condition and present are not accurate.



Anyway he made the comment the other day how the kids are so good for him. Plus he really likes how my daughter cuddles with him and he loves the feel of her body next to his. He is moving to a retirement home I am sorry if it seems cold hearted but that was over the top not going to go on in my house.

Of course people were responding to your original post which did not mention that he was making pedofilic comments..... Had you posted the above about him in your original post, the thread would have taken on a whole new direction~ Otherwise, I would agree with everyone else above about having a sence of uselessness and awareness of his empending demise. If he's getting unappropriate about the female child, a knife is the least of your worries!
 
Last edited:
And, I am sure you know this and are watchful yourself, but PLEASE talk to your daughter and tell her not to be alone with him till you can get him a new situation.
hugs.gif
 
We don't have any prior history to comment on whether it is his true nature showing through or dementia of one sort or another. Or even reactions to medicines.

Before the OP's last post, I was going to say record a conversation with the FIL to play for your husband so that he can hear what is going on when he is not present. At this point I would be inclined to ask the parents of a good friend of your daughter if she can visit them for a few days (until you can get FIL relocated). I do suggest that you also speak to his doctor about what is going on and get a medical evaluation. If it is anything other than true nature showing up, it may be something that can be dealt with medically; if it is true nature, then you need to be very careful where you place him so that he is not a risk to other people.
 
Actually, you know what you can do? Until you can get him in a home at least.. and it may help find him an assisted living home...

Have him Baker acted.

The law on it states "Anyone who presents a danger to themselves or others"

This accomplishes something that is very, very important no matter where he ends up... Having a phsycological evaluation. The therapist can wean him for comments and his true thoughts on this type of thing... discover if there is something serious where this is coming from... and whatever he says will be on a permanent record that can be seen by law enforcement and other therapists he may have future contact with when he is no longer under your care.

After he is evaluated and you have placed him in an assisted living facility that has knowledge of his past.. you can feel free to wash your hands of him if that's what you want to do, without worrying about fufilling some responsibility to other folks, since there would be permanent record.

And.. definitely... it gets him out of your house, away from your kids, asap.
I'm not sure if it's the same in your state, but here, once released by the therapists, a patient has to be released into the care of another person (family member ect)... and if no one picks them up they stay for an extended period. Long enough to find him an assisted living home, anyway.


For anyone who thinks this is mean or somesuch.... It's not. These places are quite nice and pretty much no different than an assisted living facility would be, but with the addition of daily counseling sessions.
 
Quote:
Of course people were responding to your original post which did not mention that he was making pedofilic comments..... Had you posted the above about him in your original post, the thread would have taken on a whole new direction~ Otherwise, I would agree with everyone else above about having a sence of uselessness and awareness of his empending demise. If he's getting unappropriate about the female child, a knife is the least of your worries!

This happened on Sunday after the knife thing happened. DH and I have talked and we are both ready to get him out due to fear. It has just been one thing after another and we no longer know how to deal with him. I don't think it is alztiemers I think it is his true nature showing through.

That would just send me over the edge...... Hope you can get it resolved soon.
 

New posts New threads Active threads

Back
Top Bottom