So....talk about.....CANCER SUPPORT THREAD !!

[verthandi]

Luna, I think you know me well enough to know that I don't beat around the bush. What makes you think that you need to hide your stress and frustration from the man that saw you through your treatments?( rhetorical question) I have a feeling he is probably dealing with similar feelings. You never know, it might help if he feels he can talk about it and show these feelings to you too.

I know you two will see this through together. You're a good team. It is sad that he had to learn how to face cancer while dealing with your battle, but it will be helpful for him and you this time around. The good days can be hard to find, sometimes they are just minutes in the day that make it great. This morning i had a white tail deer in my backyard,,,,it was a good morning. This afternoon an eagle was gliding on the air currents over the farm...that makes it a good afternoon and last night I heard the coyotes yipping for the first time this year. Hummm...that makes 24 hours and a good day.

Hang in there. Please know I think about you often.

 

[3goodeggs]

DH starts chemo AND radiation on July 16. Three rounds of chemo (depending on how he handles it) radiation for 30 days or so. It's a pretty big tumor and the ENT Doc said less than 50% chance of survival.

Then we had an appt at the onc/rad Doc and he said 60 to 70 percent chance. And his PET scan showed only his right lymph node is affected. So that bit of news lifted our spirits up a bit. I feel like crap today, I think I know what you're feeling Cindi, this sh*t keeps on happening.....you get a little break then something else happens.

You get TIRED of it. But then you get a nice day and treat it as a gift........where's that nice day??

I clean the trach & change his inner cannula (tube) everyday and also clean around his G tube. He coughs up a lot of icky stuff.......He's going through this pretty well. Maybe he learned about having a good attitude from my experience, because attitude is really going to be the anchor here. Ironically I'm the one with the problem of stress and anxiety whereas he's holding up better then me. The hard part is not showing my anxiety and frustration in front of him, I have to go somewhere in the woods or some kind of nature place and walk it off. Or drum & didge with my friends at the drum circles.......but I can't always get there. This too shall soon pass.

There are some Ted Talks that I have watched recently. Life hacks. If you get net-flicks, run through these just for the good feelings you will be left with. I am starting to use the suggestions daily, and it helps. I still think sometimes that I need to learn how to rebel yell in a public place. I am more of an 'a-hem' type of person.
I am thinking of you both.

 

[jjthink]

DH starts chemo AND radiation on July 16. Three rounds of chemo (depending on how he handles it) radiation for 30 days or so. It's a pretty big tumor and the ENT Doc said less than 50% chance of survival.

Then we had an appt at the onc/rad Doc and he said 60 to 70 percent chance. And his PET scan showed only his right lymph node is affected. So that bit of news lifted our spirits up a bit. I feel like crap today, I think I know what you're feeling Cindi, this sh*t keeps on happening.....you get a little break then something else happens.

You get TIRED of it. But then you get a nice day and treat it as a gift........where's that nice day??

I clean the trach & change his inner cannula (tube) everyday and also clean around his G tube. He coughs up a lot of icky stuff.......He's going through this pretty well. Maybe he learned about having a good attitude from my experience, because attitude is really going to be the anchor here. Ironically I'm the one with the problem of stress and anxiety whereas he's holding up better then me. The hard part is not showing my anxiety and frustration in front of him, I have to go somewhere in the woods or some kind of nature place and walk it off. Or drum & didge with my friends at the drum circles.......but I can't always get there. This too shall soon pass.

Thinking of you and your DH, Ginny. It's so true - seems like there's a little break (and sometimes not even that) and then something else happens. You are such a great help to your DH - this no doubt gives him strength to help him see this through. His chemo started a couple of days ago and hopefully the time will go quickly until it's all behind him and you guys are back to enjoying life. I remember your mentioning some time ago that you were able to retire - I'm glad you don''t have to schlepp to work every day in the middle of all this - a stressor you do not need. I feel like I do a poor job of helping my very deserving parents with the work thing getting in the way all week for me. Please keep us posted so we can keep you company in this. I don't get on BYC nearly as much as I'd like but will try to check in more often. Hugs, JJ

 

[wsmith]

I have lurked for quite a while, but never posted on this thread.

My wife has had metastatic breast cancer now for 11 years. It was already at stage 4 then. Many surgeries, many treatments, in fact this coming Monday will be (an educated guess) treatment # 168. She has defied the odds.

This past fall the cancer made a push into her lungs, and she spent nearly two weeks in the hospital, some in the emergency room, a few days in the Critical Care unit, some in the cardio-thorasic unti, and some in the cancer care unit. It was so bad that the hospital sent in the resident clergy.

She survived, but only after several procedures that left her on O2 and nearly no right lung function.

The doctors finally sat down with us and discussed the future and what we are looking at. They (LOL) still don't know of course, as per them "statistically she should have died 6 years ago" but last September they figured she had from 12-24 months remaining here with us.

The scans from May indicate no new lung tumors, but perhaps some chest nodules, no new growth in the bone tumors, etc. The treatment for the bone tumors have left her with Osteo-necrosis of the jaw, which causes her tremendous constant pain.

This past week we have noticed a drop in appetite again, and general overall decrease in energy. Not a good sign.

Through this whole trial, she has maintained a positive attitude, and a great outlook on life. Yes, there have been times when she has been down, and has been depressed, but overall she has been an example of strength and positive outlook.

Last fall she made a goal to reach her 50th birthday, and have a big party. That party will be held on August 10th! We will celebrate her success at beating the odds for 11 years, and celebrate with her family.

Cancer isn't fun, but it isn't always a death sentence, nor should it control every aspect of our lives. I feel that her survival this long has been because of how we, as a family, have dealt with it. Every one of us have trials in our lives. Every one of us will eventually die of something. Every one of us CHOOSES how we look at things each day, and how each day will be. She will be sitting in her recliner three days after chemo, and have a smile on her face and tell me how much she love me, and about this or that happened to make her smile.

 

[jjthink]

wsmith,
You have such a special wife, and she has such a special husband. I have no doubt this has made, and will continue to make, a huge difference. Sending lots of good wishes for the cancer realizing it is just too hard to fight with you two!!!
JJ

 

[wsmith]

wsmith,
You have such a special wife, and she has such a special husband. I have no doubt this has made, and will continue to make, a huge difference. Sending lots of good wishes for the cancer realizing it is just too hard to fight with you two!!!
JJ

Thanks. I think she's special too!

We have had many discussions about "why me? Why did I get Cancer?", as I think many (probably most) also have had. This is what we came up with.

1. We don't know. LOL
2. Perhaps it was a tool that God is using to help others. Beth has handled it so well, that others that she comes in contact with are strengthened and blessed. They are reminded that maybe they don't have it so bad.
3. Perhaps it gives others who need, the opportunity to help Beth and benefit from the experience.
4. It may just be a reminder that all of us have problems. Some have cancer, some have other physical disabilities, others have phsycological issues, etc. This is what she gets to deal with....Now, how will she, or any of us, deal with the problems we are given.
5. Maybe it was so I could be humbled and learn to serve others.

Yes, we are religious, and our faith has given us, and continues to give us strength.

And (as this is still a chicken based forum platform) our chickens provide her with easily digested protein, and endless hours of entertainment.

 

[wsmith]

Here is an excerpt from an article I wrote for our company website last fall during the October Breast Cancer Awareness thing. Maybe some can find a use for it...

1. Just because they haven’t lost their hair doesn’t mean that they aren’t receiving treatment. Many treatments don’t make the patient’s hair fall out. When we assume that all is well, just because the outward appearance doesn’t scream CANCER, sometimes the patient can feel that no one cares. People who are going through treatments or living with this disease need care and understanding, even though it may not look like they are having problems.

1. Don’t be offended if they don’t always seem to be paying attention. Cancer patients are frequently on some pretty heavy drugs. These drugs can do many things to a person, from making them sick, giving them headaches, or affecting their memory or judgment. You may walk up to them and start talking and then realize that they may not even know you for a minute or two. Be patient with them and don’t be judgmental.

1. Don’t be offended if they seem grumpy. Again, you may not be aware of what they are going through. They may be experiencing pain or discomfort due to their treatment or the cancer itself, or may be dealing with an uncertain future. Worry and uncertainty are now part of their every-day existence. They are dealing with other things which in reality, may be of greater importance that what it others may be aware of.

1. Not all cancers are the same. Each cancer is different, and each person can react differently to their specific type and to whatever treatment their doctors may prescribe. Some people may be willing to look in to non-traditional treatments, some may not. Do not force your opinion of treatment options. Usually, the patient has a competent doctor or caregiver that usually has a little more experience in this than we do. Just because something worked for your sister’s friend’s cousin doesn’t mean it will work for everybody. Treatments can vary greatly depending on the person and their situation.

1. Don’t ignore it or them: Know your enemy – People frequently misunderstand cancer and what is does to the person and their families. Sometimes people choose to ignore the situation, and sometimes in an effort to deal with it they ignore the person and avoid them. Each cancer patient and survivor is different, but in our experience it makes a difference when people understand the situation. Know your enemy. The enemy is cancer. You don’t have to avoid the topic unless the patient wants it that way, but when we talk about it with them, without trivializing the issue, it becomes more real and then becomes something we can all face, and hopefully someday beat. Do some reading from good sources, take the time to get to know a little of what the person is dealing with.

1. Don’t just ask how things are. We have a very good support system, both from church, our friends, and our small community. Many of these people are well meaning, but sometimes come up to the patient, in this case my wife Beth, and say something to the effect of, “How are you?” Mind you, Beth will sometimes look like death warmed over when this occurs. Once she answered, “Really? I have cancer and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck! Isn’t it obvious?” It had been a bad day. Sometimes it’s better to take a couple of seconds and be observant. Don’t always ask how the person is. Ask them how their day is going, or how they are feeling right now. Use some good judgment and empathy.

1. Give help sincerely and wisely. We are frequently asked if there is anything someone can do for us. Generally, they will be thanked, and told all is good. However, sometimes it may be better if you ask the person if you can do something specific for them. Don’t make the patient, or the patient’s family, come up with a good deed for you to do. You may not like what they ask of you. Don’t ask or offer to give help or assistance unless you really mean it. We know that the vast majority of people we come in contact with are just trying to do the right thing, and mean well, but at times these offers can seem insincere. In the last month we have had friends just show up at the door with Beth’s favorite treat, or ready to come and read to her or just spend time with her. This shows that the person really cares.

1. Humor. Maintain humor at all cost. Sometimes it’s the humor that gets a breast cancer patient or family member through the day. Beth has even gone so far with the humor to break the tension, that she has pretended to pass out when changing O2 bottle in the doctor’s office. It nearly sent the MA and nurse into shock!

I’m sure I forgot some of the tips, but you get the idea. Be supportive and positive. Don’t be condescending. Get to know the person or persons involved and show you care.

 

[3goodeggs]

I like the way you made them all 1,

 

[wsmith]

I like the way you made them all 1,

LOL... That was acccidental. LOL But they are all important I think.

 

[chickensnewtome]

Wow where do I start?!?!

All of you are such an inspiration to me. I hope to be as strong as ya'll in our families battle with cancer. Let me tell you about my mom.
She is strong, calm, caring, loving, The woman and mom that I aspire to be. She will be 50 on August 23rd. Two years ago she was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. It had moved to her lymph nodes under her arm. After countless bouts of radiation, chemo, mastectomy, they finally said she was in remission. She has been in remission for a year. Last month my mom got pneumonia, they put her on antibiotics and thought nothing of it. Then a week later her leg started hurting really bad. They took blood work and found that she had elevated white blood cell counts. They did an immediate scan and the news we got was not what we were expecting. They called her into the office and calmly told her that her cancer had come back as lung and bone cancer. She has a softball size tumor in her left lung and her hips,legs,spine, and shoulders are ate up with cancer. They have given my mom a year to live and are only working to prolong it for as long as they can. she does one hour of radiation 5 days a week, takes 8 chemo pills everyday, and a shot of chemo once a month. I dread the day that I will have to explain to my 6,4,and 2 yr old that grandma has passed away. I find strength in my Lord and knowing that she will live pain free and with her mom and dad when she passes but that does not take all the pain away. I figure I am still in denial, I believe that thru a diet change, prayer and lots of love that she will get better but the doctors have told her that it is impossible to get better from this.

This is my story and I am praying for all of you that I have read about.