I want all you folks who don't have cancer to know how much you mean to those of us who do. You cheer us on. You listen to us, err, me fuss. You are there to give a hand up when we stumble. If we didn't have you cheering us on here and family doing the same at home, why would we keep fighting?
Before becoming a cancer patient, I was the Sister, Granddaughter, Neice, and Friend of a cancer patient. I lost my Grandmother when I was 18. This crazy lady who left an alcoholic husband and hitchhiked all the way down A1A to Fla with her boyfriend. Wore bikini's and hot pants. Smoked unfiltered cigrettes and sang Me and Bobby Magee at her favorite honky tonk. Gave me 55 cents when I needed to buy a pack of my own smokes. Drove me down to the Jersey Shore with her in her Corvair convertable with the top down. The baby of the family that made lots of mistakes. Unwed and pregnant in the early 30's! Daddy worshiped her none the less. She died on my brothers birthday the year I graduated high school.
Who would guess that 18 years later that same brother would loose his own fight with cancer just a few weeks after his birthday. The brother who took care of me. Who named me after his girlfriend when he was 8years old! The brother who came home and shared his tips from his job with his little sisters. Who gave me my first beer. Who made me cry for what he gave and what he took away. All in all, still my brother.
In between I lost an Aunt to Uterine Cancer and one to Colon Cancer. Always on the side feeling helpless, not knowing what to do to help. I was just a kid, ok, young adult, this was something that adults dealt with. Give your condolences and move on. Never really understanding what my cousins were going through or my uncle. My Mom's baby brother. All this time later, he is still lost without her. Even now spends hours upon hours setting beside her grave.
Fast forward another 11years after Steve's death. I'm now 3 years older than he was when he died. Let me tell you how strange that feels. Life is out of control busy. Work work work. Boss lady is fighting the fight now. Survived colon cancer now fighting Breast cancer. Teacher is battling too. Head shaved in support. Spook and I fussing over who gets the cuter bandanna for the day, lol. Hair is back, boss lady is finished with treatment, Judy still fighting. OH MY GOD!!!! I have it too! Spinning out of control now with doctors, big words that we have to look up online, surgery, taking my boobs, days tossing my insides, hair left on it's own. My rock is there for me to hang on to. Lurchie. All I have to do is get better. He'll do everything else. He has. He tries not to cry around me but I see him sometimes, even now. Afraid of what could be. Willing to let me go if I decided to quit fighting. I'm not ready. Almost when I lost Spook, thought the world would end. Katie and Icee keep me in the now. Little Luna Kitty, touching my arm, Mimi? Hello Luna tuna, Mimi? I'm ok, Mi! Ok, go play, comeback later to snuggle. Mimi! and off she goes. Made it through my first 4 rounds, get strong for surgery. Judy's gone. Just me and the boss lady fighting now. Fighting harder than ever.
Found my way in here with people who are fighting, with people who are supporting those who fight, with people who have lost those who have faught. We are all family here. Drawn together in order to survive this disease how ever it comes at us. We are family no matter how we look at it. Each of does our own part so that each of us continues on.
I admit, I am the crazy one that people jump back from when I shoot from the hip and tell them exactly how it is and how you need to fight. Do not pity me, I will get absolutely ugly. Don't whine and cry, why me? Why not you? Hmmm? Why not? Are you better than the next person? I admit, I told my god to give me all there is to have so the rest of those in my family are spared. Thought I was gonna have to get really ugly the other day when my younger sister developed a lump. All is good, it's nothing.
We need all you other folks to keep my wild uncontrolable pasion for fighting this thing under control. I appologize for the times I may be rude or maybe even a real B**ch. But I do for a reason.
I need you guys here.
