So upset, my DIL won't get job

[flowerchild59]

Just a little background. My son is 30 years old, been married for 5 years, they have one child, a dtr age 4. They live in my rental house for 2 years, have yet to ever give me rent. She sits and reads and chain smokes all day and doesn't keep a proper house either. My son put his foot down and told his wife that she has to get a full time job by end of july or else. So she is packing it up and moving 3 hours away to MO. She says she will live with her sister and get a job there, but somehow can't seem to get a job in IL. She says she gets no support here. ( how much more help can you get than free rent).
This woman and I had a discussion a year ago I was willing to help out if she would go to school in the interim. She has yet to do that also.
I am so ticked off about this. My granddaughter is desparate to go to school, has a speech impediment and needs therapy (her mom never would sign her up for early intervention).
Ashlee says that she feels like she will abandon her child if she works...........well, didn't we all feel that way but we still did what we had to do to provide for our families???
Did I say how ticked off that my granddaughter is moving away???? I babysat her at least once a week and it breaks my heart that she will be so far away.

 

[Hangin Wit My Peeps]

She is worried she is going to feel abandoned but yet she is chain smoking around her and risking her health? I think the child would be better off in an early intervention program then around that. Sorry, I have a prob with ppl who smoke around their kids

Makes me VERY angry! Plus if she is not doing much with keeping house and she reads a lot doesn't sound like much "mommy and me" time anyhow. Sure hope she is ok once she moves away. Is your son going to get to keep her off and on? Good luck with this one! Sounds like a losing battle

 

[saddina]

I have 2 thoughts, neither may endear me to you.

1. She's not your problem. Honestly I mean it, she's who your son choose and now he needs to decide if he'll deal with the consequinces. If you push too hard, you can find your access to your grandbaby limited, especially if they do feel pushed to move away.

2. Would she really be able to get a job that would offset childcare costs? Is full-time preschool free and available? (out here it's avaliable for free, but you better get your kid on the list the day they're born). My son has a hearing issue, partial deafness, and for him being put in a large center would be a nightmare for both him and the center. So is she actually not meeting the child's needs, or just not doing what you think she should (two different options there). It's not terriably uncommon for women who are semi-skilled (think minimum wage) to stay home untill the children go to kindergarten, as any money they make working, would pay for the childcare and little else. Frankly the day my husband decided to tell me what to do, instead of discussing what we need as a family, is the day I'd pack my bags too.

Now she may be a rotten mother etc. but to her point of view she may be attempting to do the best she can for the little one (mothers tend to take it hard when there's any percieved "defect" in thier offspring, especially if it's the oldest, she may feel she "owes" the little one all of the time she can give her before school and teasing start.

 

[flowerchild59]

1. Well Ashlee has made it my problem when she chooses not to get a job that would pay for rent and childcare costs. Hope wants to go to school. She is in half day preschool (free) and is socially backwards and shy and really needs the social interaction.
She will probably wind up in a LD class when she goes to kindergarten and I will blame it solely on the parents for not doing the right thing when she was younger.

It was offered to the parents for her to go to a christian based preschool fully paid by members of my family and they said no. I personally think not getting speech therapy and the such for your child when it is needed borders on child abuse.

2. Ashlee needs to get out and interact with people and get a job. I think she is depressed and probably needs meds or something pharmaceutical.

Ashlee promised a year or two ago to either get a job or go to school. She has chosen to do neither while my son works overtime weekly trying to make a dent in bills. I remember all too well what it was like to be young and married and living paycheck to paycheck. My husband and I worked opposite shifts for years so we didn't have to pay babysitters or daycare.

 

[greeneggsandham]

Can she legally move to another state and take your granddaughter? Is your son going with her?

 

[Mattemma]

Sounds like your son should get a divorce and get custody of the child.

 

[Buugette]

Depending upon the state, I don't think she can legally take the child away from her father. I know here, you have to stay within a radious of 50 miles from the other parent's residence... unless agreed to by both parents. Your son has rights... he should check them out. To take your child away without consent from the other parent is kidnapping by a family member.

D

 

[cuntryuppiechick]

I think it would be in the best interests of all if the young family distanced themselves from the older members and learned to stand on their own. The tugging and pulling of three adults over one child does nothing but rip the child apart.

 

[ChooksinChoppers]

So she is packing it up and moving 3 hours away to MO. She says she will live with her sister and get a job there,

1. She is not allowed to take the child to another state.
2. She won't find a job there either.
3. She will do the same thing to her sister that she did to you.​

 

[epignosisjs]

Quote:
1. She is not allowed to take the child to another state.
2. She won't find a job there either.
3. She will do the same thing to her sister that she did to you.

x2

so sorry!