Social skills help? A forum is a good place to ask, right? I think?

[SparksNV]

Try to find something in the other person that you like or ask them a question about themselves - kind of generic questions. Most people really enjoy talking about themselves - that way the focus isn't on you & you don't feel like you have the spotlight on YOU! BTW, I am very shy - I was the girl sitting on the side reading a book during recess. I am now an RN and I have to establish a raport with patients within 5 minutes. You will find (through trial and error) what questions will work. I find that everyone has a story to tell and most enjoy telling it!

Practice, practice, practice - don't be afraid to try!

carol

 

[jerseygirl1]

I was so shy when i was younger, that I had long bangs that hung over my face so no one could see me. I mean PAINFULLY shy.
Then one day I got a job as a waitress, and there was this whole new world where I could be nice to people, and they were actually nice BACK! And I made money!!! The nicer I was, the more money I made. I mean, you really have to interact with people at that type of job. ANyway, that's what did it for me.

 

[Godsgrl]

I used to be really shy, then I realized my dream of volunteering at a zoo. I'm not shy anymore! The zoo taught me how to greet people, what to say, and gave me animals to hold. Now, give me a snake or an owl, and I can talk your ear off about it. I have no qualms about smiling at and greeting people when they come to the zoo. However, put me at a dinner party with people I don't know, or only vaguely know, and I will clam up. Still working on that, but docenting has done wonders for my self-confidence, and my social abilities. Good luck!

 

[zippitydooda]

You've received a bunch of great advice. The one think I haven't seen so far is another great skill to learn when dealing with people:


LISTEN. Really listen to what someone is saying. Look them in the eye, and focus on what they are saying. Don't try to formulate a response, just listen. After a while, responses just come naturally. You will do well to remember the things people say. It is hard to do at first (especially one on one), so perhaps you could just listen to how others interact when you are at church or any other type of public function. Watch how other people act and then practice in front of a mirror.

Seriously though, most people LOVE when someone simply hears what they are talking about. It is easy to get someone to talk about themselves by asking a question or two when they are talking.

Good luck!

 

[MrsKemmerlin]

I love the 'take your goose for a walk in the park' idea! That will certainly be the way to strike up a conversation with someone!

I'd certainly have to be your friend over that one, I don't think you'd have a choice, haha! I take my pig with me to the store, park, wherever

Through your posts you sound like a very interesting person to have a conversation with, your wit will certainly keep anyone's attention!

Good luck on your practicing! You have had tons of great advice!

 

[booker81]

Heh, you hit on something that is about impossible for a group of folks - those of us with Aspergers (or High Functioning Autism).

Social skills are things that are taught and learned, and for some of us, they just don't make a darned whit of sense! I mean, why would I look someone in the eye, when for every other mammal around, it's considered a sign of aggression? It doesn't make sense!

However, social skills are needed to get by and succeed. There are a LOT of good tips here (and I'm looking closely at them to incorporate into MY life). If you know someone who really has a lot of good friends and is a good person, watch their actions - watch how they communicate, listen, and try to see their nonverbal communication skills - watch what they do with their hands. Practice incorporating those in your life. If you mom says your brother was polite and you weren't, watch how he responds verbally and non verbally, and try to mimic and understand what he's doing (not copy exactly, but say, if he shakes their hand, offer your hand to the person to shake. If he makes talk, listen and try to remain involved in the conversation. When he says goodbye, try to give the same farewell.)

I still royally suck at social skills, and I still work hard at them. My new challenge is trying to learn how to manage meetings with peers and higher ups at work - NOT my strong point, but I will do the same thing - when I return to work, I'll present my challenge to my manager (who is excellent at managing meetings), and ask for advise and if I can shadow her to some non-critical meetings to understand her communication skills.

And yes, even though it makes NO sense to me, I still work very hard at looking people in the eye when talking. At first it make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but I'm starting to relax a little bit.

Good luck! (And purple hair rocks. I work with a girl who colors her hair a glorious fire-red, and I just adore her hair. Someone else just dyed theirs a deep blue almost black, and it's lovely. Of course, we're all in IT/Programming at work, so they slack on looks, and concentrate on brains

Lots of Aspies there!

 

[geeber]

As an introvert a bit myself, when I meet new people I ask questions. Lots of questions. I find that if people are talking to me about themselves they dont often ask me questions back. Therefore I can still be introverted, but folks think I'm very social. People like to talk about themselves. A lot. And I figure, most folks are much more interesting then I am, so it's easy to continue asking them questions.

ie...

What kind of goose is that you're walking? What's her name? How old is she? Do you have a pool type thing for her? Really, & how often do you have to feed her? Will you ever breed her? Do you eat her eggs? How many does she lay a day?

See, it's that easy.

 

[des189]

I was really shy around new people and one year I went to FFA camp... My advisor gave me a challenge to go talk to three new people a day. Before I knew it, I had met 20 people and I was having the best time of my life.

So I guess what I'm saying is... Just go for it! It seems scary at first, but you'll get the hang of it

 

[Beekissed]

If no one has mentioned it yet, you might find a job where you have to interact with people as part of your job. If children are easier for you, find a job in a preschool or daycare. Talking, talking, talking every day is the only way to get used to it and those children are learning their social skills also and you can learn right along with them.

I have an Aspie son who misses social cues all the time and will hardly even entertain the thought that he even has Asperger's or any kind of social problem. But....he is learning all the time and slowly I see some improvement in his social interaction. He now works as a cashier and is going to nursing school, has successfully mangaged to have his brothers as his roommates without constant fighting and seems so much more settled and happy. He still has the occasional blowout or misunderstanding of social situations but I think time will only bring more learning and he will be able to function.

He even has kept the same girlfriend for two years and will soon ask her to marry him! I'm pleased with his progress and willingness to overcome this handicap. He even admitted to me the other day that he knows he has Aspergers....that was a big step!

Good luck!!

 

[seismic wonder2]

See if the local school has a volunteer tutor program.
You could help younger kids whith what ever you are good at, math, english, science etc...
You are FORCED to talk and develop communication skills as you teach someone.


Go for a walk in the park and ask people for directions to somewhere.

Pick a stranger and comment about something, "Nice shoes. Where did you get them?", "I Love those earrings, they really complement your eyes..."