Sometimes I get angry!

[BorderKelpie]

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My thought exactly!

you could always starch his underwear...not that I've ever done something like that.

 

[sonew123]

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That was awesome!!!

OP--

stand your ground and ask for help-if he doesnt...you don't either! It always works for me

I can get home an hour before him usually and My list is EXACTLY like yours...3-4x a week I will have dinner going but the rest we call "freebie nights" we choose and make our own thing and clean our own messes...I dont have toddlers so it makes a difference but still..you get the jist Oh and the tweezers..I would have put them right back on chair the next day! in a pointed upwards poistion!

 

[Raiquee]

Wow, my husband is very helpful. I guess I'm lucky?? If I don't feel like doing the dishes, he never hassles me for it. He says keeping the kids alive is a full time job, and I work and go to school on top of it all. Now, he doesn't rush to go do the dishes, but if they stay in the sink no one is gonna die. He'll eventually get to them. Or I will. My hubby is a great house cleaner lol.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

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Yup!!

 

[rancher hicks]

I have to say that this morning I had some thoughts about DW. Good thoughts.

Now ladies, don't be angry with DH, be angry with your sisters who decided to leave the home and go out and get a job. Be angry with those in the sisterhood who think they can "do and have it all". A recent report is finding that some women have realized they can not and begin to work for less so they can enjoy a family as well.

With all due respect to the wives and mothers out there, I tell DW that women are crazy. No way would a guy do what women have done and go to work outside the home and then come home and work another 6 to 8 hours.

DW and I used to fight about this in the begining and I have learned to do some things. Though not to her approval. She however has learned not to complain about a wrinkle in the bed nor the usual missed fork. We have no dishwasher. Oh and she has learned to eat my cooking. It can never compare to hers.

She also recognizes, there are somethings I do take care of, such as the lawn and garden the chickens and fix things that break. I paint the room her color choice and hang the blinds. I take both cars for oil changes and repairs. Even if it means using a vacation day to do it. DW does not shovel snow or use the snow blower.

However no matter how much I do , I will never do as much as she does. Never, Never, Never. She is just to wonderful of a person. Which is why I married her.

Ladies are you a good cook? Well then knock it off! Fat men don't move fast for anything. I've gained 50 pounds since getting married. Keep us thin. Buy us the right tools for the right job so we don't hurt ourselves doin chores.

You did not have kids to be their servants. Delegate chores to them. Do not conform to the world that says they will die if they don't have the latest and greatest. Don't scream and yell yourself into an ulcer. Trust me it doesn't work nor do demeaning words. I don't believe in allowances, we are a family and we work together and we all contribute.

Second live frugal so he can't blame you cuz he has to work overtime to make ends meet. If he does it then it's on him.

It used to be the lady of the house who "ran" the household. Get it? Women had authority. Over the house. She decided what the family ate , how they dressed , how the house was decorated and many other things.

Resist the urge to pick up after him if he doesn't do his chores. The grass can get knee high if I don't mow it. I swear the cat would have died a long time ago if I didn't buy the food and feed it. "you wanted it you take care of it", that's what I heard. She sure don't feed the chickens.

Finally , if your daughters want to be a stay at home mom, then she should be sure to tell any guy she dates. Got a friend who when she got married she quit a job that paid $28 hr. Oh and for heavens sake check each others credit report. It's a definite proof of how responsible you are.

Hope some of this helps,


Rancher

 

[sonew123]

Rancher!

LOL I am seriosuly going to start a new thread about this topic..This is all Ive thought about ( on and off between working today) Since reading and responding to this thread!

 

[cassie]

Really, the best response is not to get angry or offended. Just remind him that he lives there, too, and if something isn't where it belongs and it bothers him he is perfectly capable of washing it, picking it up, or putting it away. Honest, he won't get a hernia if he picks up a pair of tweezers and puts them where they belong. I don't know when or why women got the idea they were supposed to di it ALL, but that certainly wasn't true in generations past. Maybe it was the '50's television that brainwashed them......

 

[HeatherLynn]

Guys need to be reminded how much we do also. I don't work outside the home. Well not for pay anyway. I feel like I work outside the home between boy scouts and girl scouts. Somehow I ended up a den leader, then just a plain old registered adult with boy scouts. A vice coordinator, on the financials board and a troop leader now. I remind the kids all the things and time it takes to do those things when I ask for extra help around the house and farm. You add on all the little extras a husband asks to be done, ballet, dr's appointments, 4h. Yikes its amazing I am ever home at all. And he gets reminded often enough to be appreciative.

My husband just pm'd me. Did I lie and say everyone was fine. Heck no. I told him all was going well and here is what I have done and he is my huge massive list I still have to get done before he gets home. He is now aware when he comes home and I look ready to pass out that he needs to do dinner because I won't have it in me and he can put the kiddies to bed. He will do it happily because he is still shocked by todays list. I make sure he knows what I do and that its done for their benefit.

It always ticked me off. My dad would say something like, " I leave early and work hard all day, when I come home I want dinner waiting. What did you do all day. Watch tv and eat chocolates.": OOOO that steamed me. The 5 kids she raised or the 2 grandchildren she raised, the bills, the house, the yard, and volunteering at our school so us kids and the grandkids could go to a private school for free. Non of that counted. I learned to start training mine before we even got married. He knows exactly everything I have on my plate and if he dares fuss still I told him I will call his grammy and she can chew him bum for me.

If you don't want to ask for help. Leave a MASSIVE list laying out. I laid mine on the breakfast table. I had my husband asking for assignments and volunterring the kids for a few too. Its just a subtle way to remind someone how much we really do. If he wants you to act like a stay at home but still work then you need to let him know he can choose. Its one or the other. He can always work more to make up the income if he cannot cope with sharing household responsibilities.

 

[Avalon1984]

As the wife of somebody who works many hours and most of the time is gone for the entire week, I will say that being away can take a toll too. I work full time and run a farm after hours. Granted, I don’t have kids, that makes a huge difference, but I have 1ton horses that manage to get sick usually around Monday morning when hubby is gone and I need to run to work. It sucks at times and many times I was sooo hoping that stuff went wrong while he was there by himself, just once, so he could see how stressful this gets. But you know what, I may be doing a lot of the work but he is missing out on something entirely different- he misses out on horses being born or new horses being delivered to our farm. He misses out in being able to say goodbye if an animal is dying, he misses out on all the small victories and battles I fight every day to keep the place running smoothly. So yes, I am jealous when he is on one of his trips and can enjoy dinner at 4:30pm when I am not even done with chores until 7, by which time I haven’t even made dinner yet. Is our house spotless? Heck no. I would kill for a chance to be able to stay at home and get all the things done that never get done during the week, get some sanity back and some quiet “me time”. It is just not feasible for us with the current economy, so hubby will have to continue to travel and be away, and I will continue doing what I do. To us it is a temporary problem and we are working on a better solution.

That said, you are in a tough spot with your kids. I cannot fathom how much work you put into this. I am just saying that maybe your hubby is just as frustrated as well, for not being able to spend the time he wants with his family, and in turn venting his anger at the wrong person. This has happened to me before and it has happened to my husband before. Both times we stood up and apologized. It just happened at times when you have a stressful day. Maybe have a talk about that with hubby?

 

[HeatherLynn]

I told my hubby about this one. he suggested a frying pan. He is a bit meaner than the ladies apparently lol.

More than likely the family is just in the habit of taking advantage. It is our job to make sure they don't. I fight mine constantly and the hubby knows if he doesn't want me running away from home some weekend that he has to fight the kids too and pitch in himself.