Stay at Home Mom or Back to Work?

Date sort Score sort
I really want to give a big THANK YOU to all of my BYC friends for their kind words of encouragement and wisdom. I knew I could count on you to lift my spirits up.
Chirpy - I PM'ed you, let me know if you didn't get it.
NewChickowner - I've often thought about and even looked into becoming a Medical Transcriptionist, but the information that was sent to me turned me off due to the fact that the classes would cost over $1600.00. We just don't have that kind of money. Now that you let me know that community colleges might offer this training, I will be looking into the community colleges right away...
*I've thought about driving a school bus in the past, then I realized that I might go crazy if I did. I drove my 2 eight year old nephews to the park last week and could not wait to get out of the car. I forgot what it was like to have 20 questions at once and fighting in the back seat - my kids are angels - someone else's kids might cause me to go insane.

So many of you had such great ideas on ways to conserve and save money. I read all of your posts to my husband and he thinks BYC has the smartest members also.
Thanks again!
Dana
 
Last edited:
when you go to check out the community colleges, don't forget to talk to the financial aid department!!! They will do what they can to help you, the schools need the people and if there's a way to get you in that helps you financially, they should be able to find it!
I believe you said your family was living on less than $30,000 per year, there surely is a grant or something out there for you to qualify for!

P.S. My mom went back to school when my sister and I were in highschool to become a nurse. She won a scholarship and her entire schooling was paid for plus books and misc. expenses. It can be done!!! Don't give up!!!
 
Last edited:
HI I was just going to add my two cents. I have done in home daycare for 7 years and needed more freedom. So I am training with At-Home Professions to do Medical transcriptioning. All I pay is $55.00 per month no interest and you don't have to pay ahead for each packet. When you are close to done you just send for another packet. I am looking forward to doing this and phasing out of childcare. But I have really enjoyed being at home for my 4 kids. I looked up the phone number for you if you want to check it out. It's 1-800-359-3455. Good Luck!
 
Last edited:
I had the opposite problem, I always had to work - single mom for most of my 2 son's lives w/ virtually no child support. It was difficult for my children and although I had no choice in the matter, I wish I could have some of the precious moments that I missed along the way. So thank goodness you've had them!

I too, agree with most responses, that there's probably a happy middle ground here. Maybe you could work part-time either at home or away... but be able to limit that by doing more sustainable things that will help to cut your costs. I know that some things just aren't possible, while others might be. i.e. Miss Prissy's suggestion on working the garden more and canning and freezing foods. Maybe you already do this, but it's an idea.

Of course, it won't eliminate the need to buy all your groceries, but it sure can help. I think cutting out all the 'crap' foods and eating whole foods really does cut down on costs - not to mention it's healthier and tastes a whole lot better. It's a time consumer and if you stay home you've got the time.

All the best with your tough decision.
 
From a slightly different point of view:

I don't think I will ever stay home, even if DH made $200,000/year. Because the thing is, someday DH could be disabled or die or otherwise unable to work. Obviously I don't want that to happen to him, and I don't enjoy thinking about the prospect, but I watched my mother struggle with life after my dad died. My dad made a LOT more money than my mom, and she very much relied on his income. He had insurance, but it didn't pay off for many months after his death--it takes a very long time to get that sort of paperwork and lawyers sorted out. In the meantime, there were still bills and mortgage to pay. She was fortunate that his Freemasons group picked up the cost of the funeral and his burial plot had already been paid for by his parents. My mother had to sell the house she loved, on very short notice, and after missing a few mortgage payments her credit was damaged. She wasn't able to find another house readily, she had to pick up and move everything they owned, all by herself with no help from anyone. She didn't know how to maintain a car, make up a budget and stick to it, maintain a house, or do anything at all technical--not even setting up stereo speakers. She was miserable for a long time, not just because she was a widow but because her lifestyle had changed so dramatically in such a short time.

She was fairly lucky. She had a job, even though it didn't pay much. If you have not been working for a long time, it's different. There's a lot of goofy articles in the news about how companies really do want to hire moms who have special mom skills of organization and whatnot--I'm here to tell you it's a load of hooey. Companies want the work done, for cheap. If they can hire a kid fresh out of college who will work disgusting 14-hour days for dirt cheap pay, they'll do that. If they can't, they'll outsource it to India or China or Latin America. If they can't do that for some reason, they'll hire whoever they can get. If "whoever they can get" just happens to be a mom who needs flex-time, well, OK, they will tick the "diversity" box on the HR form and make the best of it.

Once you are out of the work force, it's really really hard to keep up with your contacts. Your skills become outdated or forgotten, which is more harmful in some fields than others. Mostly, the clock just stops: you're starting just a little behind where you would have left off, at best. So you won't be with your peers in terms of money and advancement. For every hiring manager who sees "multitasks, was PTA president" in moms, there's three more who see "will call off in the middle of the big project to go to Junior's dance recital."

People don't like to think about what they will do when their spouse dies or becomes disabled. They put it out of mind and figure that they will always work something out. I'm just saying, there's an awful lot of widows, women who never thought their spouse would (whatever: hit them, leave them for a younger model, cheat on them, etc.) and get a heck of a surprise, women who never saw the divorce coming, who could have picked themselves up a lot easier and faster if they kept working. Just a thought.
 
You are a very lucky person in that you are a stay at home mom , when most of the women I know work up until they are due, have a baby, get 6 weeks off and then its back to work. I worked nights to "feel" like a stay at home mom.
If it was me, I would find a part time job. I think it would make you feel better.
 
Quote:
I have to chuckle, NOT at all at your mother's plight because I have seen how difficult that sort of thing is, but because you've described exactly what would happen to my HUSBAND if *I* kicked off unexpectedly. And it ain't as if he doesn't have a job!
smile.png


What you describe is a very real consideration, yes, but by no means synonymous with working vs not working. In fact, *nothing* you mention above is in any way stay-at-home-wife specific. Many of us are a helluva lot more 'jack of all trades' 'get it done' people than our spouses
wink.png


Once you are out of the work force, it's really really hard to keep up with your contacts. Your skills become outdated or forgotten, which is more harmful in some fields than others. Mostly, the clock just stops: you're starting just a little behind where you would have left off, at best.

That is true. But it's a tradeoff. I don't know whether you have kids, Rosalind, but having kids does make it a really different calculation. Plus, even with kids, for some people it makes a lot more sense to stay home; for others a lot more sense to work.

To give a non obvious example: it would make NO sense for me to try to be working right now, because my career DOES NOT EXIST around here. My 'thing' is doing minor research and teaching undergrad and grad students at a liberal-arts type college. There is one (1) *conceivable* employer within a 1.5-hour radius of my husband's job - and you know what the academic job market is like. I would rather chew both feet off and eat them whole and raw before doing the kind of private-sector 'science' I'm qualified for. So if I got a job right now, it'd be selling donuts in a Tim Hortons or something like that -- which would not even cover the cost of child care.

Note that I *knew* I was getting into this when I chose to move up here and get married. Fortunately it turns out (quite unexpectedly) that while I don't much care for kids in general, I think MINE are the most interesting entertaining thing ever
smile.png
So I would say the game is quite definitely worth the candle, to me (even considering future risks).

People don't like to think about what they will do when their spouse dies or becomes disabled. They put it out of mind and figure that they will always work something out.

Oh I don't know... I've most certainly thought about that, and taken the possibility into account when planning finances etc., and I'd be shocked if a buncha other stay at home moms had not done so as well. Not everyone of course, but I bet a bunch.

Plus, you know, people DO generally work things out, when push comes to shove. Not always as well as might be desired but then you have to balance it against the concurrent advantages of being a stay at home mom. It's not a simple thing.

JMHO,

Pat​
 
My 2¢ worth - if you find you have to work, get a mother's hours job if you can. I know your kids are older and can stay by themselves but I truly think it's even more important to be home during their teen years than it is when they're younger. I was home at 3:30 every day, just ahead of the bus, when my eldest was going through high school. I knew his friends, I knew their parents, the boys were always welcome here and they knew it, and the parents knew I was there to supervise. I could get him back and forth to whatever after school things he needed or wanted to go to, and when it was time, get him to his job at MacDonalds
wink.png
It worked well until Mr. Wonderful took off (my ex). I had to go back to full time work (I did land a good job at a huge engineering firm with my computer and accounting background) so I could provide benefits for my youngest. It truly sucked not being home for him, and with all the upheaval in our lives it took its toll.

Do what you can to works things out. I know things are tough, I feel for you, but your kids are only kids for a short time in the grand scheme of things, and you want things to go right for all of you. Good luck!
 
I have read many points of view and want to clarify a few things: I have not been a stay at home mom very long at all - just for the past 3 years. I started working full time at 17 years old, I took 4 weeks off maternity leave for my 1st child and 6 weeks off for my 2nd - other than those 10 weeks I worked for 16 years, while my mother took care of my children. I have to say that my mother is a god-send and she truly "raised" my children until my youngest was 9 yrs old and the oldest was almost 13.

My mom would try so hard to pretend that my son was "trying to walk or talk" when he actually had already taken his first steps for her and called her "mama." I was always working and when I came home, we ate dinner and went to bed, I did have weekends off, but I missed out on everything - their first words, first steps, kindergarten graduation, field trips - everything.

I was divorced for 6 years, then I married my husband 3 years ago - that was the first time that I was actually given the option to quit working. I know that right now I still have contacts and could probably go right back to work even at the same company I worked at for 12 years, but I don't want to go back at all. Too much stress, a long commute and 10 hour work days and then I would still bring work home with me.

I've missed out on too much of my children's lives already. I am very interested in working from home - having flexible hours. I think what Chirpy had talked about the Alpine Access might be perfect for me.

I really do appreciate all of your advice and warm wishes - this has been a major help and I'm glad that I asked for your opinions.

Dana
 
Last edited:

Similar threads

M
Muddy Turkey
Replies
6
Views
510
turkey dog
T
H
Hen gasping and vetRX is not working
Replies
4
Views
436
Wyorp Rock
Wyorp Rock

New posts New threads Active threads

Back
Top Bottom