Still Hurts After a Year

[whiteflare]

Aw, these are all such sad stories..

I don't believe in telling people to "give it time" either. That never really helps with anything, it just makes you feel bad because you're "giving it time" and nothing seems to be healing...

 

[Happy Chooks]

I'm so sorry for all of you that have lost loved ones to suicide. I cannot even imagine the pain, and hope I never have to find out.

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
This is what I meant with my post. It just doesn't ever completely go away. I honestly believe that people who say "Give it time" and stuff like that have never lost someone to suicide. It is the one form of death humanity will never understand. I certainly don't.

My experience was when I was just 14. I had a guy that I hung out with alot; I was an outcast, and he accepted me. He hung himself in my neighbors garage. It is a less dull pain, but it was my second experience with death, and at such a young age, it stuck with me. I still have nightmares about it. He was 17 also.

That was a very weird year in high school. Three kids killed themselves! And this was a small town, 3,000 people and only a couple handfuls of kids in the entire senior class. The year book was horribly depressing; three memorials on the first three pages. One kid shot himself with his father's gun under a bridge near his house (it was later learned he was badly abused by his father), another overdosed on drugs, and it was found to be deliberate, and then my friend shot himself in his back yard. The strange thing about suicide is, you often don't see it coming AT ALL. I rode the bus home with him; he lived right up the road from me. We shared a seat in the back of the bus, and shared headphones and listened to Pink Floyd on the ride. He was very cheerful when he got off that bus and was dead one hour later. Looking back, I should have been suspicious that he was in fact so cheerful. He was not usually. I stayed in my room for a couple of weeks, listening to "Comfortably Numb" over and over again. It was a sad time. On the other hand, sometimes when I go to see his grave, I laugh a little and tell him how ridiculous some of our old friends grew up to be. Sometimes I take *small* comfort in thinking of him eternally youthful. I hope that doesn't sound depressing or weird, I don't mean it to be.

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
I hope you don't either.

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
This is what I meant with my post. It just doesn't ever completely go away. I honestly believe that people who say "Give it time" and stuff like that have never lost someone to suicide. It is the one form of death humanity will never understand. I certainly don't.

My experience was when I was just 14. I had a guy that I hung out with alot; I was an outcast, and he accepted me. He hung himself in my neighbors garage. It is a less dull pain, but it was my second experience with death, and at such a young age, it stuck with me. I still have nightmares about it. He was 17 also.

That was a very weird year in high school. Three kids killed themselves! And this was a small town, 3,000 people and only a couple handfuls of kids in the entire senior class. The year book was horribly depressing; three memorials on the first three pages. One kid shot himself with his father's gun under a bridge near his house (it was later learned he was badly abused by his father), another overdosed on drugs, and it was found to be deliberate, and then my friend shot himself in his back yard. The strange thing about suicide is, you often don't see it coming AT ALL. I rode the bus home with him; he lived right up the road from me. We shared a seat in the back of the bus, and shared headphones and listened to Pink Floyd on the ride. He was very cheerful when he got off that bus and was dead one hour later. Looking back, I should have been suspicious that he was in fact so cheerful. He was not usually. I stayed in my room for a couple of weeks, listening to "Comfortably Numb" over and over again. It was a sad time. On the other hand, sometimes when I go to see his grave, I laugh a little and tell him how ridiculous some of our old friends grew up to be. Sometimes I take *small* comfort in thinking of him eternally youthful. I hope that doesn't sound depressing or weird, I don't mean it to be.

And speaking of being cheerful right beforehand, I lost my cousin to suicide as well. She hung herself in her apartment and when they found her, they saw that she was right in the middle of making a salad. Veggies still out on the chopping block, half cut cucumber, and a bowl of half made salad. Really makes you wonder what the heck they were thinking about while trying so desperately to "live normally".

 

[Stacykins]

Thank you all for sharing, it does actually help. I wasn't able to talk about it to family and friends when it happened, since they just called him selfish and said I shouldn't care about someone who did that. Which meant it just went bottled up.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
How awful!!!!

GRRR. As you can see, there are a lot of people who have experienced what you have. It's nice that this community is large enough to be able to offer some comfort to you.

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
Oh good. I was worried after posting that we might be upsetting you more than helping. I'm glad that's not the case and glad that you could share with us.

 

[Spookwriter]

Stacykins, both a sad post and yet a touching post.

I know no greater tribute to pay a friends memory than
to say that I will love you forever. That in some manner,
a person comes into our life who leaves such an inpact
that you have forever been changed by knowing them.

As they changed your life you'll never be able to go back,
to unchange. And in knowing that, they will be with you, in
your heart and your mind, forever. Know that even death
itself did not have the power to take his memory from you.

This day, even as you remember your friend, do not reflect
upon his death, but rather celebrate his life. The ways he
changed you. Celebrate it with us, tell us how you became
friends.

Shed a tear if you must. Toast his memory if you will. And know
that even in death, he lives in your heart forever.

Spook...who's had a few sad days along the way.

 

[SilverPhoenix]

Suicide losses are difficult. The pain seems to be a different kind then natural or accidental deaths, and the questions never go away... I am so sorry for your loss.

I know you'll keep him in your heart forever.