I'm sorry, but every time I check in on this thread I hear a booming voice saying, "... and now for the rest of the story..." Someone, somewhere is lying to you (or at a minimum you are not privy to all that is going on). I promised myself I would not comment further as last time I was basically accused of kicking puppies, but something in this smells very fishy. The things that are happening to you just seem so far out of the realm of what you would think would be normal and fair.
I still think that someone involved in this case is being dishonest with you. I have kept my mouth shut after the last hearing, but seriously I don't believe that anyone is serving YOUR best interests by biting their tongue. I just can't imagine why you are being told some of what you say you are being told. Who was it that told you that you didn't need to even show up for one of the hearings? Whoever that was, I wouldn't for one second trust them. Why at one of the hearings were you not IN the courtroom (didn't you post you waited outside the courtroom or I am I not remembering correctly?)? I have never in my life heard of a court case where one of the parties sets outside the courtroom. Again, so much of what you are relaying to us seems so fishy. Did someone there instruct you to wait outside? Again, if so, I don't know that I would trust that person.
I will again echo what a couple of other people have tried to again recommend, get an attorney. You NEED someone that is truly fighting on YOUR behalf. Now, the last time I made this suggestion, I was told that this was basically saying to "give up". I'm sorry, but getting an attorney is not "giving up". It is the opposite of that. Unfortunately, in this world we live in, sometimes people have to be forced to do the right thing. Sad, but true. I would be on the phone day in and day out calling every attorney in OK until I found one that would handle this for me on a free or low cost basis. Getting free consultations at least with attorneys is not difficult. We recently had to hire an attorney and all three of the ones we cold-called offered us free consultations. ALL THREE and we actually got some great info. in the consultations. Again, if you ever want this to be resolved, I highly suggest hiring a professional to help you. Ultimately, no one is doing you any favors at this point by mincing words and just setting back offering only moral support. Of course, moral support helps but it doesn't get your horse back.