Stress, Depression & Coping with them... skills needed!

[KDbeads]

I used to dance, skydive, tunnelfly, sing/perform, read, and be very social. My current life doesn't allow for any of that at all, and so everything that used to be really important and wonderful is now gone gone gone. My only human exposure is DH & DD and I try to remind them that they are the only humans I ever see or SPEAK to, but that doesn't really help them 'behave' or sympathize since they are both out in the world every day and just don't understand. I'm trying to pick up a few hobbies, keep myself busy etc but frankly it just feels like MORE WORK, and they stress me out even more!

And there's the problem. And I'm right there with you. Grew up in hell myself.
Here's a few things that can help

To heck with everything for an hour a day and schedule yourself some 'me' time. I read, sew or write. I don't make it work, I don't even think of it as work so stop doing that. I pull up a chair at the computer and start typing, doesn't matter what unless you have a creative side and have a story running in your head (in the middle of 16 different books at the moment, can you tell I get stressed easy?) Or I bury myself in a book, if you can't go to the library or the library suck like the one I have www.paperbackswap.com (if anyone signs up, tell them I refereed you, I can earn more books that way nickname is KDbeads)

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Find something you can do once a week with other people. I go to quilting clubs twice a week and even though I'm young enough to be their grandkid it helps me (mid 30's here too).

Music. What ever type you like. Don't get a station that plays what you like? Neither do I. www.pandora.com build your own station but don't try to kill the keyboard when it plays something not liked, which it will do from time to time.

Get outside in the sunlight and just stand there, 10 minutes a day at least. I have SAD, I have to do this often in the fall/winter.

On destructive coping skills..... been there done that. Ate myself sick at one point. If you have to lash out, do it to a tree, they can handle it and you can vent to your heart's content. There are days here in the winter where I want to kill everything. If it's worse this year I'm going to a doc and getting medicated. I'm only so strong and I think the SAD has grown past my tolerable point.​

 

[mmtillman]

Just the fact that you realize there is a problem and want to address it is HALF the battle solved already!

You sound like a very wise, intelligent and down to earth young woman.
I struggled with some of the same problems as you mentioned when I was your age and like you..I wanted to change the negative aspects of my life and gradually I did just that!
Your fellow BTC er's are giving you some very good advice.
As mentioned, I also went to my dr and was put on Zoloft for mild depression. I can not begin to say about how much it has helped me !!! ...I also started walking and bike riding, I now volunteer at a local nursing home, painting the fingernails of the lady residents there....I count my blessings now since a recent cancer scare and I no longer let the little stuff upset me ...so I hope you find help in all the answers you have recieved. You couldnt find a better bunch of people to advise, help and support you !!!! God bless you and feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to ?

P.S. I love your homepage!!! Your birds are lovely and your coop is totally awesome!!! Lucky chickens you have there!!!!

 

[Quillgirl]

Be in contact with people other than your DH & DD. You say you have none, but it's not cleat if that's by choice or because of some barrier. If by choice, try to find a local group that you can join: a book group, a chicken meet-up group, an exercise group, a devotional group, etc. Contact and friendship with others is important.

Volunteer if you can. Having an outlet like that can elevate mood and put you in contact with others.

Exercise if you can: hike, walk, garden, swim, etc. Physical exercise produces endorphins that are healthy and elevate mood.

I agree with everyone else: do not rule out medical help (medications) or talk therapy. I have seen the combination work WONDERS for people. It is not immediate, but it can return you to normal life. Deal with your issues by talking through your choices, learning to find new reactions and ways of communicating with your family. It can be scary to try another way, but it can change your life. It is hard to suggest coping skills from our desks. You need someone who knows you and can talk to you face-to-face.

Create something beautiful: could be painting, gardening, music, writing, singing, pottery, food, weaving, etc. Don't get caught up in the end product, but be free in the process to follow your heart.

Switch things up and surprise yourself: go sleep outside on the deck in a sleeping bag and look at the stars; get a massage; take a class; call up an old friend out of the blue.

Be well, Dawn. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to find happiness.

 

[chickaddict]

Whenever i absolutely positively can't take any more I drive to the ocean. I know it sounds nuts, but there is something about the sounds, scents, and the rhythmic tides that are soothing to me.

It is over an hour drive from my home, but there is something about the raw power of unknown nature that helps to put my own angers, issues and other stresses into perspective.

 

[DawnSuiter]

Hi Everyone, please accept my apologies for not writing sooner, yesterday was the big homecoming game and today is DD's 15th birthday, so I'm strapped for time today too. I stayed around for a couple hours yesterday after I posted, but then I had to run.

Chickaddict, you have no idea how much I miss the ocean. I used to do the SAME thing when I lived in LA, I would drive up to Malibu, or Pacific Palasades, sometimes just straight to Venice and sit there for hours. I feel out of place being so far away from the Ocean, and I do miss it.

I don't have a primary doctor, just an OB/GYN that I see annually. In the early 90's he offered me Prozac, and I took that for a few months, but honestly, I didn't like being so mild, I got a rash everywhere from sun exposure and the cost was very high for the uninsured like me. While I do feel that some part of whats going on is a chemical imbalance, I am in no position to obtain a script or fill it.

I volunteer, I donate, in fact I checked yesterday and all my Kiva microloans are paid back so I get to pick new recipients. I sponsor a school in the Red Cup program as well. But as far as hands on, I lack any interaction like that for sure. I operate several small businesses out of my home, both DH & I are self employed, so I have work that I love too, but things have been very slow this last year or two. In January, my largest client was busted running a 21 million dollar Ponzi Scheme... I turned him in. It's been rough for sure.

I get LOTS of me time... 3 days a week it's just me here most all day, no one has any expectations so I can do whatever I want really... but mostly I just do my chores, get stuff done and watch TV . I do need to get out more for sure.. there is a soup kitchen down the street, maybe I should get a job... perhaps there is too much boredom, that explains the dulldroms for sure.

I did grow up with an Alcoholic dad, although I never really saw him during those years, he turned over a new leaf when I was becoming a teen, but the stress he put on my mom & siblings during those previous years I'm sure contributed to the insanity even if I didn't see it directly.

The thing about medication is... is that really for stress? I mean... days can go by without stress, and so I wonder seriously if a pill is right for me. I just need to learn how to cope with stressful situations, learn how not to take things personally etc. I've felt therapy would be helpful many times, but that isn't just the insurance, there is really little to no availability around here.

I don't think I've ever HAD a normal life, it's been like a rollercoaster for all of it. So I really have no baseline to return to, or work toward. So I guess I'm looking to get to a new place, a place of more calm, but still vigor. When my DD was young, she kept me so busy, but now she needs me far less, and because I had her at 19, I know no other way to be.

I have to get going because it's her birthday and she's waiting on me.

THANK YOU all so much for your responses, both public & private. It does feel nice to vent just a little, not keep this secret to myself. My family knows I'm on the depressed side, but don't know how to help.

 

[goobhen]

I will keep you in my prayers! You say you don't have a baseline of normal. What is "normal"? I thought my family was not normal, until I started working full time 34 years ago. I am as normal as the next person. Different yes! God bless, Theresa

 

[Beekissed]

Your childhood sounds like an echo of mine, so I'll give you my best ways to try to cope with stress.

These are things besides getting daily exercise, exposure to sunshine and getting back to doing some of the things you used to do for fulfillment....all of those are important!! Great advice!

I pray every chance I get. I pray differently now than I ever have before and I think it's the biggest stress reliever I know. I start out by thanking God for the beauty of the day, for my children, for my life. I go to bed with the same prayer. Being thankful for these things helps me look for more things that bring me joy and thankfulness.....sort of like a habit.

Smile even when you don't want to. Pretty soon your smile becomes genuine and a habit also....like being thankful.

I actively look for ways to be happy and things that bring a smile to my face.....good colors for my walls, good smells in my home, good textures to my sheets, pillows, furniture, etc. Pretty things in my garden and my life bring me joy, so I focus a lot on growing, making, or getting pretty things. This doesn't have to be expensive and I make it a priority.

I keep my house in reasonable order so I don't get stressed or overwhelmed by the filth or clutter. I make the family participate in this so it isn't always MY job to keep me happy.

I don't expect my family to keep me happy, but I do expect us to strive to please each other, to be mutually considerate. This shows respect and this relieves my stress also.

Even then, stress can creep in and kick my butt. On those days I have a ME day, like a previous post stated. A day when I abdicate all duties, responsibilities, and normal interaction and just veg out. Go to my happy place. Self-soothe. Step off the Earth and let it spin on without me for awhile.

I can either take a day long nap, read a great book without stopping to make anyone but ME a meal, watch a great movie, talk on the phone with good friends or just daydream. I don't answer phones or the door, I don't tolerate loud or constant noise on these days. It's all about ME for once! My kids know when I need this time and space and they also know that it rejuvenates me....this is important in their world...

Last but not the least, by any means.....I let go of old and new hurts very quickly. If I can't seem to get them out of my mind, I pray that God takes this from my mind so that I can forgive, forget and get back to living.

I also let God handle all the things I cannot control. This was and is a very tough move for me....when your childhood was beyond your control you often grow up to be an adult who craves more control. The simple fact is, there are very few things in this world over which we have control. One of which is ourself, so I focus on that. I work on making my environment pleasing to my eye, ear and nose. I work on feeling more.....well...gentle and easy to those around me.

Apparently all this is working for me because my kids, other family and friends all notice a change in me. They like the change! I will tell you this.....I like the change also. My days are not landing on me anymore...they flow softly one to another with an occasional bump that I can handle. Not like before.

Good luck!

 

[turtlynne]

Hi! Dawn - this is Lynn E. - so glad you are reaching out! This is such a loving community! I will share that although I no longer live with ANY alcoholics I am still sick from the family disease - and it IS a family disease - of alcoholism. You only have to do one day at a time... and EVERYTHING, good and not so good(STRESS!) comes to an end! 6 months from now you will not remember what was stressing you today! Write( I mean truly take pencil and paper and write a list of the things)a gratitude list! There are so many things in my life that are POSITIVE... but I am 'programmed' because of my disease to focus on the negative. Lots of love to you - anyone who loves chickens must be a GREAT person! L (Look for the FUN in your life! my 'god' wants me to have fun!maybe yours does too?)

 

[kathyinmo]

I have a question for you. If you were a diabetic, would you go to the Dr.? Of course you would. What you are describing is an illness, and it can be treated! You likely have major depressive disorder, and you need to see a doctor. Specifically, a psychiatrist. A general practioner is okay, but does not specialize, and often underdoses medications. By the way, back in the 90's Prozac was a new med, and expensive. Now days they make it in generic forms and it is much more affordable. Regarding medications, simply stated.... they work, but you have to work with them.

Best wishes for a full recovery.

 

[Beekissed]

The thing about medication is... is that really for stress? I mean... days can go by without stress, and so I wonder seriously if a pill is right for me. I just need to learn how to cope with stressful situations, learn how not to take things personally etc. I've felt therapy would be helpful many times, but that isn't just the insurance, there is really little to no availability around here.

From this paragraph, I deduce the OP is looking for ways to develop coping skills instead of resorting to meds right now.

I find this to be a practical idea, as one won't always have access to insurance/money to have meds, but coping skills can be developed, improved upon and come in real useful in any situation!​