Falling.
Pickles approached consciousness with the very distinct sensation of falling.
Now, she was a fairly average human being, and as a fairly average human being, her brain manufactured its fair share of freefall dreams. Analogous as they were to being in turmoil over lacking control over a situation, her sleeping self actually speedran them pretty regularly.
But oddly enough, she didn't really have a corresponding visual playing behind her sealed eyes. In fact, this entire night had seemed dreamless- or perhaps it'd just been a series of subliminal sensory trips after all. Ah, how wonderful was it when your cortex manufactured such frustratingly latent experiences that obligated you to redefine reality for a good seventeen minutes as your roommates broke the poor coffee pot for the third time this week in the crossfire of their procrastination-maddened bathroom dash.
And as desensitized to the regularly scheduled drop as she was, she embraced wakefulness with an ardor for the fresh day that awaited her.
Yet, when she opened her eyes, the sense of the world being rapidly inverted remained.
And what she was seeing?
Definitely not the sunflower yellow ceiling of her college apartment.
More like blue skies obscured by nothing but a spattering of stratus clouds.
And she was, indeed, rapidly falling away from said skies.
Also infrequently coming in contact with abrasive surfaces while she was at it.
Pickles then found she, being quite midair, had relative freedom of movement -well, at least until she hip-bumped sociable rock again- and twisted to see the slope of a sizable land mass descending in time with her vertical relocation. Okay, so she'd fallen off a mountain and was now set on a crash course for a bush-spotted plateau between the foot of this peak and and the pinnacle of the next one.
She figured her long-suffering professors would be proud of her for expediting this irrefutable conclusion in record time.
"Wow, I'm drunk!"
Yet, however much the plausibility of her judgment, the following collision hit awfully like incontrovertible materiality.
Her legs hit very corporeal stone while her upper body was embraced by a very armed bush.
The simultaneous shattering of her right kneecap and dislocation of her right ankle definitely served to further cement the legitimacy of this insanity.
Facedown in briars, she gave the scathingly clear sky a very specific hand gesture as she reveled in the agony. "Wow, I'm not drunk!"
It was a hot minute before she even thought about disentangling herself from the bush and actually taking initiative to evaluate the damage she'd taken.
When her options for next course of action to take favored being smart like that, Pickles instead decided to take this opportunity to review her life- or, rather, what it should be. And she was not going to do it in her head.
"I went to bed last night as a perfectly normal student of Otis College of Art and Design in Los Angeles, California," she asserted through clenched teeth. The more effort she put into talking, the less energy she'd have to spare on keeping her legs in pain. Right?
"Being that I was headed for a doomed exam today, I was not intoxicated in any way, shape, or form. I was on perfectly good and sane terms with my equally sober roommates. Even if the vibes were off, there is no way that those three twiggy nerds dragged me out from to here- what, the Santa Monica mountains?"
As she rambled, she was working on inexorably rotating herself upward and out of the defensive shrub. Pathetically enough, she was grateful to no end for the barbed brambles dragging through her skin and giving her a greater, yet far more treatable, pain to fixate on. "It's nowhere near sorority initiation season. Did I somehow ask for a rite of passage granting access to the darker halls on campus? Maybe! Am I suddenly on someone's hitlist, but they're too chicken to do me in themselves? Sure, why not! Is this Naked and Afraid? Then why am I fully clothed?"
The hurt she'd generated by jarring her busted parts erupted in both a series of psychotic chortles and an expulsion of boiling tears. As she finally rolled free onto level stone, a big brain thought struck her like a smooth criminal. "Yo, I could be suffering from anemia! Sick memory loss! That'd account for this! You know what, I could have lived years since I was in my room! I've since graduated, decided to skip revolutionizing the toy industry completely, and went straight to feral hobo! Maybe I'm legendarily madcap! The possibilities are limitless!"
As she progressed with getting more and more mindless in her deliberations to herself, her eyes decided to be the most witted part of her and worked on really taking in her surroundings.
The mountains weren't necessarily huge. That could be gathered not only by raw perspective, but by how the most supreme peak only had the faintest glimmer of frost adorning it. In her range of vision, there were five rises stretched above her and perhaps twice that in immature prominences vying for dominance beneath her plateau.
The continuous ground didn't appear more than a couple hundred feet down and appeared largely comprised of tributary-permeated grasses. As per her 20/14 eyesight, the surrounding peneplain continued on indefinitely, and entirely without any indicators of human influence.
While she was retracing her gaze, something blindingly inappropriate amongst the untouched terrain caught her eye. Some sort of knapsack, caught in a cranny she supposed right from where Humpty Dumpty Had Her Great Fall.
The little logic she kept corralled in her head suddenly banded together to arrive at the highly contradictory conclusion that she should probably go back up for the one other comfortingly unnatural thing here.
"I am in pain!" she told the whacked world before assaulting the atmosphere with an overdue scream.
After an indefinite stretch of time passed, Pickles decided her pain had been sufficiently grieved and sized up her offending knee.
"Alright, sister, here's the dealio."
She tugged her faded Miami Dolphins tee -merch for a team she'd never even seen play, let alone rooted for- up over her head and began working it around her knee. Could you splint a bad knee? Seeing as how it wouldn't take any more than a fourth of her weight as it was, it was worth giving a try.
"You're going to make like you're functional and I'm going to fetch that bag."
She gave the lopsided balloon of fabric an affirmative nod and, without further adieu, heaved herself up.
It was by no means a fix. The misaligned, fractured ends of her patella and femur put in no uncertain terms just how utterly wrong they were set together. Even after her
expertly attempted brace, her ankle was still, by far, the lesser of the two evils.
But she stayed up.
Though the bandage wasn't about to get any credit.
Not about to sit around any longer and allow the reality of her invalidity kick in, Pickles hooked the firmest grip she could muster onto the most local prominence and got herself in motion.
It was rough going. For every inch she advanced upward, she'd fall another five upon her next movement. Curtains of hazing blackness threatened to descend every time she jarred her forsaken right leg.
But, somehow, she made it to the perch from which the the infuriatingly irresistible bag had gloated at her all the while.
The outcropping upon which it sat was more significant than she'd supposed prior; for what she could get out here, it would do nicely as a hospital bed.
"I'm...just...gonna..." Pickles wheezed as she inched herself across the home stretch, only to collapse a foot short of having Holy Grail of Bags in her grasp. "...minute...need a... minute..."
Not formerly aware of having lost consciousness, being awoken by a deranged chortle was an experience.
Immediately, by instinctual reflex, she hurdled forward to seize the knapsack.
Her sigh of relief when her hands met material and hugged it to her chest was a mighty gust fresh out of a tornado.
Only now was she ready to face this...
Pickles only had to shift onto her lift hip to see her company.
Expertly situated upon the incline itself sat a bizarre-looking dog.
Covered in white shaggy hair.
Standing on hard, rounded little feet.
With horns.
No, that couldn't be right.
Pickles squinted at it in a grab for clarity.
It laughed again. With unmistakable malevolence.
No, that wasn't a laugh.
"Goat," Pickles ascertained aloud.
The mountain goat hopped neatly onto her ledge in affirmation.
Pickles backed up against the rock face accordingly and gave it her most cordial smile. Did goats read facial expressions? This one certainly looked sentient enough to feel animosity.
"Nice goat," she pleaded as it started closing the distance between them with a stalking march. "
Nice goat."
Troll's beard swaying, it kept on coming.
Pickles forgot all of her pain as it locked gazes with her.
Endless, soulless blackness penetrated her psyche in all the worst places.
She now knew no other fear, no needs, no uncertainties.
Who even was
she?
What was an identity in the face of
goat?
Nothing else remained.
Only goat.
And she was entirely at its mercy.