Teen caught Sneaking out Again!

[countrygirl4513]

Walking over and bringing it up non-chalantly may be a good way, maybe with some humor...or maybe inquisitively, "So did you know my son has the hots for your daughter?"

I disagree completely. No humor is needed in this case this is an explosion just waiting to happen.
I have 2 teenage boys, 14 and 16. I am very old school, if I caught them sneaking out of their own accord. The tool shed is right out back.
We give our kids too many rights as it is! We are the parents, we say what goes. PERIOD, NO QUESTIONS.
Let me tell you a true story, at 2 am I hear banging on my door. Scared out of my mind I get my husband and he looks out and there stands a 13 yr old boy we have never seen before. DH opens the door and the boy says, Lisa, (my 13 yr old neice) said he could come here that we were her favorite aunt and uncle. We are dumbfounded. We don't know who this kid is and at the time I had a 6 and 8 yr old scared too death clinging to my night gown. Before letting him in we find out that Lisa had been sneaking him in her window at night and they got caught! Instead of taking a beating (which is what my sis would have given him) he bolted out the window and headed to my house. We let him in, instructed the boy that he was wrong in his actions (I said alot more than that) and my DH drove him to where the boy had left his ATV and followed him home. The kid lived 8 miles away!!!!!! After that fact my neice stayed in all kinds of trouble, drugs, boys etc. They even sent her to a Christian school for trouble teens for a while. Nothing worked! She ended up quitting school mid term of her senior year!
Now my sis, Lisa's mom is a hard nosed @itch! And yes they tried everything. But some kids are just gonna be rebelious! Lisa was one of them.But she did make a turn around.She is now 24, with 3 kids married 7 yrs. No she didn't have the babies out of wedlock.
Nip this thing in the bud NOW! Talk to the girls parents asap. I have a stepdaughter unwed with a 2 month old baby. She never got to live with us but I am certain that the path that she would have had over here with us would have been completely different than what she is experiencing now!
Recently I've been watching my 14 yr olds myspace page. A little 11 yr old girl has been trying to get him to sneak out to come see her!!! I put an end to that and pronto!
I may sound harsh. But my boys understand we won't tolerate such behavior! After seeing what sex can do for their half sister, they now know that they don't want anything to do with babies! And they know that the only way that won't happen is to keep their pants zipped! What a shame this young generation disrespects their parents to such degrees! It falls on the parents ya'll! I'm sorry, but it is true. I guess you could say.... spare the rod ... spoil the child. I never dreamed of speaking or acting like the kids do now when I was their age. I know... different times...yadda yadda... it's no different now. WE GIVE THESE KIDS TOO MUCH LEASH AND THEY RUN WITH IT!
I'm sure I will be given alot of flack for this post but I won't apologize for what I know and have seen happen in my own family.

Edited to add:
I'm sorry for what you are going through. These are tough times. Kids have more bad influences out there these days. There is no easy answer, sometimes only tough love is the only way. He may hate you for it now... but he will grow up one day, and he will thank you for it when he is raising his own children.​

 

[tink]

First of all, I am sorry that you are going thru this, but he is normal.

1. You have to follow thru with your threat. Go talk to her parents with the kids. Maybe the parents can compromise and the kids can be together during normal hours. If you make it too hard for them to be together it will add excitement to the sneak. " You two can see each other at our home, watch movies, eat,play games....go home at midnight.

2. Please dont give them condoms.....You are saying "Go ahead and have sex....and we think it is okay". There is a book called Dateable....very good. It explains how in a relationship, sex shouldn't be part of how you feel about someone.

3. Make you house a fun place to hang out. Have things for them to do, eat...with boundaries such as... lights on, in a common areas(no bedrooms), good movies.....

We set these rules for our kids12 years ago. Two boys are married and our daugther is almost 18 and she is a great girl.

Good luck.....this you will get through....maybe with a few grey hairs!!
Tink

 

[tink]

WEGOTCHICKENS..... If I were you I would move the computer from the basement and place it right in the middle of a room in your house with the most traffic. That way nothing will be hidden...take the excitement out of it. You can also "Password protect" your computer so that no one can get on it without your knowledge.

Computers are a great source of infomation and also the worse place..

Good luck

Tink

 

[WindyOaksYokes]

My two cents for what it is worth... I am a mom of 5, only 4 still at home (2 boys 12,14 and 2 girls 14,7). I would consider myself to be a little on the strict side towards my daughters more than the boys... I dont want them ending up like I did... pregnant at 16 (miscarried, didnt have another til I was 22). DH is the calmer one and does help me with my "strictness".
Personally If it were my daughter I would want you to come talk to me and explain the situation. Maybe they are strict for good reason? I mean she is older than he is and just maybe there is a trust issue going on here. Maybe they have had troubles with this in the past with her?
The only thing you can do is talk to them and hope for the best. I wish you all the luck in the world...
Tes

 

[Patchofheaven]

I truly appreciate everyone's advice - whether good or bad - I want both sides.

My son has his own cell phone, that he pays for with his own money, he has been talking to his girlfriend all morning probably since I confronted him and told him that he was in trouble again...

So he comes to me a few minutes ago, apologizing for what he did, but says that the reason he did sneak out was because she called him last night crying and would not stop crying. Apparently, her stepmother hit her in the face for "warping?" a pair of the stepmother's jeans. I have no idea what "Warping" is but she left a mark on her jeans or something. Regardless, this is not the first time that stepmom has hit her. Since I can't trust him now, I kinda feel as though they have been conjuring up this "story" to make me feel sorry for her and not tell her parents.

They have been dating for 9 months, they are in love and we really love this girl also. I'm not sure if I believe the abuse story, but I know her stepmom and don't care for her at all. Stepmom blatantly lied to me in May and when I caught her in her lie and confronted her about it - she quit bringing her son for me to babysit - really long sad story, but it makes me concerned about the abuse thing because I think stepmom is a little unstable. We have not talked since that confrontation, but things cooled down immediately and everything went back to normal - just neighbors now, not close friends anymore.

My son just begged me to not tell her parents, that he would break up with her, he knows that her stepmom will hurt her worse if they find out... I'm more concerned that my son might try to hurt himself, if they make them break up - this is his first love and he can be very emotional
and this scares me more than anything.

My husband says that he thinks that they are trying to manipulate me and play on my feelings right now - and I'm second guessing myself. He also feels like they are making up this "abuse story" so I won't follow through.

What are your thoughts?

 

[Southern28Chick]

I don't have kids but I was a 17 year old girl just 7 years ago. I know you already figured this out but they ARE having sex. No doubt in my mind. He's not sneaking out to have polite conversations.

You need to go to her house and have a sit down talk with her parents, don't call them. Yall might want to bring the kids into the conversation too. If I was the girls mother I would take her to an OBGYN and have her checked out and put on birth control.

Some people might disagree with the birth control issue but my parents put me on birth control at 17 and it didn't make me want to have sex more, it made me understand that my parents KNEW what I was doing and they wanted me to be responsible about it. Good for you for giving your son condoms. It's better to come to terms with the fact that he is going to have sex instead of shielding your eyes from the truth and end up having a grandchild on the way.

Good Luck!

 

[tink]

Well....I would talk with the kids at your house. I would tell them that if they change their ways and stop sneaking around, they can see eachother at your house. Set up the same things that I mentioned before. Also, let them know that if you catch them sneaking or lieing (sp?) again that you will go to her parents. Put a little preasure and respondsibility on them. Make your house the safe place. If her story is true, you wouldn't want to put her in an unsafe place by informing her parents. But if they choose to lie and sneak you will have no choice.

I still would get rid of the condoms.....
Tink

 

[FluffyChickenMama]

Since you know that her stepmom is abusive then it doesnt seem like a stretch to me. Dad doesnt do anything about Im guessing, if it were me I would just try and protect both of the kids. Do as someone else mentioned and have her over to your house as much as possible. I dont think I would be willing to risk stepmom really hurting the girl if it was me. When I was that age I had a friend that regularly snuck IN my window because her dad was beating up her mom..I always felt like she needed me.. so maybe Im a bit to close to the problem..

 

[Southern28Chick]

Here's the problem with using your house as the "safe house". They will try to have sex in your house. Then if you catch them and tell them that type of behavior is NOT ok then they'll start sneaking out again. They are teenagers and they are having sex. You can't stop them. You can't lock them in their rooms for the rest of their lives. If they want to have sex like adults then they should act like adults and take the proper steps to avoid pregnancy and disease. Birth control pills and condoms.

I disagree that condoms are telling kids to have sex. They're not. There telling kids, I know you're doing it and I know I can't stop you from doing it so just be safe when you're doing it.


Edited to add: If the stepmother is abusive, tell the daughter to call the police. There are laws against child abuse. Where is the girl's real mother?

 

[cheepchicks]

Following through is very important. We have way too many enablers out there and our kids need strict guidelines.

I watched my youngest sister (21 now) get in all kinds of trouble. I tried to help but Mom would never follow through. She ended up pregnant at 15 with a 23 year old man's child. She did not finish HS. She is married to him now with 3 boys all under the age of 6. They are constantly scamming to take money from others. They will take money from churches, schools or selling bad cars. They do not care who they hurt to get what they want. My Mom constantly fell for their scams. She is gone now (Mom passed away in June).

I set her up to complete her HS education, sat down with her and walked her through it. Then I gave her a job (nights, 12 hour shifts, 3 days on 3 off) at my place of business. All she had to do was some light housekeeping & then she could sleep. She was making 940.00 every two weeks. She kept wanting a raise, never did her work and kept having men come in at night. I found lots of evidence of sex. (stains etc.) I called her on it and she denied it. I asked her to keep him away from the home she was working in. I caught him there several more times. She denied he was there but I saw him. Then lied about another employee to stay out of trouble for something she had done. I gathered all parties involved & had a meeting. I asked her to fess up and she walked out instead. She now has a job at a bar serving drinks.

Recently she asked to borrow 500.00 to keep her hubby out of jail. This was with the promise to repay that money by working for me. She never contacted or attempted to work. Which she never did. Now she wants another 500.00 to keep her in her home.

I love my nephews and hate to see them suffer but I told her no. I am sticking to it.

I told her that I love her and I want to help but she needs to learn that you can't scam people and lie to them and hurt them. I said I am calling you on it. Mom isn't here to let you do it & I am not your Mother. When you can show me that you are trying we will talk.

I fear she will never learn. To me this is the result of no discipline. My daughter would never think of acting like that. She is 18 works two jobs and goes to college and yes I was strict but she loves and respects me for it. She also will have a much better life because I taught her right from wrong and to stand on her own two feet.

I still hold out hope for my sister but maybe if you nip this now you will save alot of heartache for you your family and the girl's family. Not to mention for the kids involved.

Kim