teenagers

[amamaofmany]

This won't help you much, because these are older guys, but this is what was done to reform my two nephews.

My one nephew (who my parents adopted after my sister died) tried the 'social services' threat to my mom. She got a wicked grin on her face and said, "Well, if I'm going to jail, honey, its going to be for maiming you before I KILL YOU!" That ended that. She meant it, and he knew it!

But then my mother died. So the nephews (2 brothers) lost two mothers - my sister and their grandmother. They lost my Mom while one was a Jr in high school and one was a freshman. My dad has really struggled with them because he was dealing with the grief of Mom's death while dealing with two young men who were grieving, teenagers and Dad had no heart for discipline. He let them run roughshod over him and this was hard to break once they got older.

They graduated and were mooching off of him, mouthing off to him and treating him very badly - I'd have been ashamed to treat my dad like that! No jobs, coming and going when they pleased with no concerns for my dad, and if he left the house to go hunting for a weekend, they partied & trashed it. He would also wake up in the morning and discover that one or the other had a girl up in their room over night, which he expressly forbid. They'd lie to him too.

The day my dad announced that they were expected to pay $200 rent/utilities a month from now on, the older one gave my dad some serious lip about it using words I would not want to see in print let alone say outloud, and the younger one snidely told him to try and collect it.

So, after a long chat with me, Dad got tougher. Canceled cell phones, canceled computer services, canceled cable TV (just basic channel services) He kept no food in the house except what he was going to eat for his next meal (which was a pain for him but worked to keep the young men out looking for jobs. No job, no money, no money, no food! Hunger is a magical teacher.)

The oldest had a job within a week and a few days after his first paycheck was complaining about the cost of a bag of groceries!

The younger one is considering the Coast Guard and doing odd jobs to get enough to get his next meal. Both paid their $200 rent/utilities because Dad reminded them I'd be over to move their crap out onto the porch otherwise regardless of the snow & ice on the ground.

I also told Dad - if either mouths off to you again, gives you the slightest lip or calls you names, disrespects you or your new lady friend or wrecks the house while you are out, shouts at you or treats you badly, do what Mom would have done (channel her!) Just go upstairs, open the bedroom window and begin tossing everything that young man owns out the second story window over the hill into the woods! Start with his electronics. Then tell him he is OUT - he can sleep in his car, or in the woods, but he is OUT NOW and will not be allowed back in for any reason and when he leaves, change the locks on the doors. That will end that. He told them what I said, and that he was going to do it with my help and their uncle's help. The mouthiness ended real fast, 'cause I emailed 'em to let them know I was going to come over with my large husband and help Dad do it!

The funny thing is the older brother now wants to get his own apartment and is working out the details with his best friend and working overtime to get his deposit & pay his other bills. When my dad asked him, "Are you taking your brother with you?" the older one said, "Heck no! he doesn't have a job and how is he going to pay rent & utilities?"

edited because a smiley wasn't smiling again

 

[gritsar]

My mom always said children should be locked in a cage when they hit thirteen and not removed until they are ready to leave home.
I used to think she was wrong, and then I had teenagers of my own.
My catfish eats her young all the time. If only it were that easy.

 

[wegotchickens]

I'm a little happier today.
I know being a teenager is hard. And having scary health issues makes it even harder on my daughter. But I still can't let her just fail high school. She's soooo smart and I can't just sit back and let her slide. It goes against my inner mom-ness.

But last night we went to parent / teacher conferences together. She heard the teachers tell her what they were willing to do to help her make a passing grade. She had to look them in the eye and make a commitment to try. And one teacher will even let her have a hall pass to take quick walks to keep her blood moving and help her stay awake.

She was mad as all get out that I made her go through these conferences (embarrassed). And I got royally chewed out for even getting that first blood test that diagnosed the Hashimotos! Apparently I was supposed to just let her be ill and sleep round the clock and fail. I kept my mouth shut and didn't argue. The medical issues are real and we'll keep chasing down answers.

My goal was to have her see that the teachers are as interested in helping her succeed in school as I am. And I think some of her anger is because now that she sees their interest she knows she'll have to actually do a little work. It always gives me warm fuzzies to see how eager some teachers are to help their students. She says it's actually pathetic, but I think that's her teen attitude talking and that deep down she's moved by it. Because deep down she's a really good kid.

Last night she tidied her room, and a friend is coming over Saturday to work on a science project. I'm really hoping that with some successes she'll be happier, and that if she's happier we'll see less attitude. And in March we see the endcrinologust again and have the first cardiologist visit. So hopefully we're closer to solving the rest of the health mysteries, too

 

[mmtillman]

Quote:
Well said. As someone who works with teens, I agree completely with your comment.

wish all parents had this attitude....!! Way to go !!!

 

[Hangin Wit My Peeps]

Boy, teen threads sure do get a lot of traffic

THis just goes to show how many of us have teens that are pretty normal. I have one of each. My son is such an angel. Doesn't do anything wrong ever. He is now 18 a senior in high school, an All American football player, and on the honor roll every year of his high school career. He is also deaf and didn't get the bad influence from others like other teens get. Now my daughter on the other hand...wow, she gave me a run for my money! She was boy crazy at 14 I was worried sick about her all the time. She was a straight A student who stopped doing her homework and wasn't able to graduate with her class! AND had experimented with drugs

Now that she is 20 she is finally getting a little better and has decided to go back to high school and get her diploma but we sure went through some tough times with her. This thread just goes to show ya Dana that your son is pretty normal and it's nothing you did at all. They learn after a while and what you did with the cell phone was right on! Next, do what one of the other posters did and take the door off the hinges.

 

[deb1]

This thread inspired me to write one about my son falling in love.

He is a good kids just lazy as all get out. And now his sudden all engrossing love for a young lady is driving me up the wall. No, I don't care that he is in love but he met her online and they are talking MARRIAGE!

Neither of my teenagers are disrespectful or get into trouble. They are both sweet and kind hearted, but for goodness sake, I think that my oldest son picked the last couple years of adolescence to worry the bat snot out of me.