NicaLandia;
I want to write you some encouragement:
The "Greatest" off our history had failure after failure, obstacle after obstacle and some lost everything incl. spouses, family and money.
Don't give up! I've been reading your posts here with Uther most amazement about your knowledge! (Thank you again!) Sometimes we are directed in "life" into other directions than we want, because we were not on the "right path".
We than have to give up, and do something else, or we continue and don't give up, with the hope that one day it works. I would say; Don't give up! You are amazing! Being down is ok. So you can reflect on what happened and go back to your "drawing board" and re-think. Or... Maybe choose for other options presented to you, like the silkies.
But it is a fact, that your knowledge is exceptional compared to many of us here!
Your willingness to share that, and your time with us, is already something what should make you very proud and is an amazing achievement!!!
When some doors are closed, better opportunities are presenting itself.
It's not where you look at, but what you see!
You will be ok!!
Don't give up...