The Front Porch Swing

[Blooie]

Well, stick me back in the corner with no dinner. I shouldn't leave the porch sometimes. Grrrrrr. I just responded to a post and I have a feeling the OP is NOT going to like what I had to recommend. It's under "Wanting to raise my chickens to sell fertile eggs" or something close to that. Doggone it, Diane! Stay ON the porch and IN your corner.

 

[LBejaran]

@perchie.girl I love it when different families have their own recipes! There are some relatively unknown foods from my our culture but there is almost always variation between one family and the next. It's beautiful!

You all are right, by the way. I'm first gonna give him the verbal warning with my mom there so she and he both know I'm serious. I'm so tired of having to decide whether it not I should lock my door. I used to do it all the time when I was younger and I stopped when I didn't feel the need to keep everyone out. Now I'm back to feeling that way.

I think he'll listen to a verbal warning but my sister might encourage him to do what she says and let him come in to talk. So I'm gonna purchase myself a new door handle. There is a dead bolt on the garage door but no one uses it. The door handle is the main way of locking it.

If Nivia starts breaking the rules or encouraging him to come in for awhile, she won't be staying in there. She can stay on the couch. My mentality is slowly becoming that of a hermit and I'm tired of wanting to be locked away in a dark room. I have worked very hard to feel comfortable in my own home and would hate to regress into my old self that used to hide when visitors came over.

Honestly, I'm thinking of just making it a rule that he cannot enter the garage. It is not only a bedroom but a workspace and it's essentially going to be my place. He has made all sorts of stupid comments about how it would make a great place for him to weld or for his bike, but he never touched the garage or did any work. He can live without seeing it. And he acts like a total "donkey" about it, he can shove it.

And just so you all know, yes, we do get along most of the time. He isn't a horrible rebel with a sick satisfaction for ruining my day. I'm just tired of dealing with a teenage boy. Mom and Nivia care a whole lot, so they are helping him, but I have no patience and would really love for people to not defend him when he's being a jerk.

I get it, I truly do. He's emotionally stunted, has lived with an abusive father for years and uses humor to escape his own reality. But I didn't say I was going to coddle him and tell him everything was okay. That's my sister's job. My mom's job is to act like a mom to him because she feels like he is a son to her. And I'm gonna give him a healthy dose of reality and truth when he acts high & mighty.

I guess that's really all I can do, for now.

 

[LBejaran]

Well, stick me back in the corner with no dinner.  I shouldn't leave the porch sometimes.  Grrrrrr.  I just responded to a post and I have a feeling the OP is NOT going to like what I had to recommend.  It's under "Wanting to raise my chickens to sell fertile eggs" or something close to that.  Doggone it, Diane!  Stay ON the porch and IN your corner.  

You were very polite, so if they get mad, I have trouble seeing why.

A friend of mine is raising birds and I know she wants to profit off them. She is a stay-at-home-super-mama but she's got the instincts of a corporate shark!

I really want to tell her that raising birds isn't going to guarantee cash back to cover her expenses and then some. The market fluctuates, especially down here, and you gotta be prepared.

I give away roosters. I keep hens until they are older and sell them for a couple bucks for soup. I sell eggs when I can but I know for a fact I don't sell them for enough to make my money back. I just pay for feed.

Very few people have made a successful business from selling birds. It takes years to establish your farm and even then, you can get swept away by other farms just starting up. It's super competitive and you gotta have something worth wanting in order to stay on top.

She doesn't have that yet, but I'm sure she will once she realizes that poultry for profit is not always for profit. Sometimes it's just for fun!

 

[perchie.girl]

@ibejaran

I dont know why the @ tool isnt working for me...

Any way I have to admit I have been skimming the story about someone coming into your room. and I take it this is a young person. You have to set boundaries for your own personal space. LOCK that door.

Then set the mom down and the kid and just tell them. You and your mom have to set rules for living in your household. It may seem mean but these kinds of rules young people NEED to learn. If he is above the age of two years old he is totally capable of learning boundaries. But so is his mom.

If this is off base and I got the gist wrong I am sorry.

deb

 

[LBejaran]

@ibejaran

I dont know why the @ tool isnt working for me... 

Any way I have to admit I have been skimming the story about someone coming into your room.  and I take it this is a young person.  You have to set boundaries for your own personal space.  LOCK that door.

Then set the mom down and the kid and just tell them.  You and your mom have to set rules for living in your household.  It may seem mean but these kinds of rules young people NEED to learn.  If he is above the age of two years old he is totally capable of learning boundaries.  But so is his mom.

If this is off base and I got the gist wrong I am sorry.

deb

It probably doesn't work because the "i" at the beginning of my username is really an "L". I need to figure out how to fix that. :/

He's 17, so yes, he's definitely old enough. My sister just got into the habit of letting him come into the room after he gets out of work even though I don't like it. They like to chat before they go to bed. But I don't want this to be a habit in my new room.

He comes in to find Nivia but I'm going to let him know tonight that this will not continue.

Mom feels bad for him and she defends him because his mother never did. But she leaves it to me to speak my mind when I disagree with something he does. She does get after him but I've never seen her do so myself because she prefers to do it privately. I know she does talk to him to establish rules but I imagine she didn't think this was bothering me.

I have been telling her about setting up these boundaries but obviously she hasn't said anything yet. It needs to stop, so I'm going to chat with her tonight. If I move into the garage tonight, I don't want to continue feeling like a guest in my own space.

 

[perchie.girl]

Quote:
I think you are very right. But why do you have to move out of your room to accomodate him. Or are you moving out because you want the space in a larger garage?

deb

 

[perchie.girl]

@lbejaran

just under your name a few names down is one with the first letter... LB.

I think it may just be the fact that you used lower case letters for your user name. If you talk to a moderator through a PM they are able to change your user name for a one shot deal.

All this time I thought it was a capital I.... I I was reading it..... I be jaran

Claim your space.... life will be better. Lock the door too. you are an adult.

deb

 

[LBejaran]

I think you are very right.  But why do you have to move out of your room to accomodate him.  Or are you moving out because you want the space in a larger garage?  

deb

Mom gave him the option to clean the garage before he started living with us. She was going to pay him for the work because she wanted to use the space as a workroom. It had been in the plans for years, though, to make it into a room.

He never got around to it and when he moved in, he never did anything about it. My sister moved into my room and I just let it slide. I slowly started working on the garage, just to give myself a hope that eventually I'd have more space.

Then my brother told us last minute that he'd be returning home from school and I hightailed it. The boys hate sharing their space.

So I got crackin' and got loads done, painted, mopped, etc. And only then did Nathan decide he wanted to be the one to get the garage.

So I stopped him, said he had no right to it, and reasoned that I'd still have to share a room with my sister, so we needed the extra space. There is a huge difference between 220 sq ft and 520 sq ft. The garage would accommodate us both and I'd get my work space.

He kept saying that the garage would be perfect for him (even joked that he'd rev the engine of his bike every morning to wake me up). He apologized later but I was not happy with him.

The A/C just got installed. I can't wait for it to cool down in there. I'm putting together a super simple pallet bed for myself and am going to continue sweeping up.

I'm claiming the space. I've worked my butt off, painted when it was 95 degrees in there, cleaned awful gunk off the floor and walls. Like heck am I gonna give this kid something he hasn't worked for. Some things are deserved (a roof, food, safety) but other things are earned and he hasn't done his fair share.

P.S. I need to ask a moderator, then, haha! I know everyone was calling me ib for awhile but I had no idea why until someone asked me if my name was Irena or something. That was when I realized what was going on, haha!

 

[wyoDreamer]

@lbejaran You are so right that you have earned the right to have the garage space. Don't back down, we are all right behind you - shaking our fists! Just kidding. Too bad little sis is coming to the garage with you, it sounds like you have earned your privacy. Also, he needs to learn that he needs to earn what he wants in life. ON a side note: Did he ever finish the coop he was building?

 

[donrae]

Even if he's coming in to visit your sister, he still needs to knock first. What if one of you is nekkid?